Our business is picking up......

Trash. That's the motto of onea my friend's trash company. Whatta multifaceted word: trash. Everyone deals with trash - and of course the most common thought is the sacks we set to the curb weekly.. Years ago, when Ralph worked and Agnes stayed home - Ralph's sole domestic duty was to ensure the trash made it's way out every Wednesday. Ralph was a good Joe, women hadn't burned their bra's yet.. and marriages were a little bassackwards. Agnes waited hand-n-foot on Ralph - but Katy-Bar the door should Agnes wakeup on a Thursday morning to find the trash cans full in the garage. Uh oh. "GD RALPH... YOU GET YOUR $**^ UP AND TELL ME WHY YOU DIDN'T TAKE THE TRASH OUT?... HE COMES EVERY WEDNESDAY MORNING JUST LIKE HE HAS FOR THE LAST TWENTY-EIGHT YEARS.. IT'S THE ONLY GD THING I EXPECT YOU TO DO AROUND HERE AND YOU CAN'T EVEN HANDLE THAT." Poor Ralph. (Poor Agnes.) Yeah talkback, mebbe for once I agree with you. (May I print this?).. Ahm, NO.

Funny how marriages lasted longer back in those days...

Brownsville, TX. Road the bus from the border of Matamoras, Mexico to "the Market" in downtown Matamoras. Got off. Too early. Holy shit. I was usedta seeing Lenexa beige houses and emerald green lawns. We got off the bus too early -- saw the poverty around. Trash everywhere, houses literally pasted together with whatever was handy to paste them with. A real eye-opener. Trashy, but they couldn't help it.

Trash talk. In sports it's gotten a little outta hand. Began probably with Ali... His was fun.. creative.. Rhythmic even.. Now it's like "please play the fucking game.. and why do you go thru the gyrations when you do something nifty on the field yet - you stand motionless when you are the goat? Cowboy up wouldya?"

One man's trash is another man's treasure... Ya think they're talking about Evette and her low, low cut top.. cutoff at the pocket Levi jean shorts? (Victor.. I believe they would be talking about Garage Sales.. Yard Sales.. stuff like that - but nice try.) Oh yeah - maybe you're right.. but it was a nice visual whilst it lasted. (Now that's trashy.. simply trashy.) Down boy, or I'll backspace [trash] what comes from your pen.

Trash at work. Our building 'leaks'. Susie shares a secret with Katy.., Katy tells Betty, Betty emails Sally and Mark, Sally talks on the stoop after church to friends of Susie, Mark shares with the boys at the bar... and pretty soon the fact that "Susie has a crush on Jerry" turns into "I hear they're having sex in one of the back offices after hours." Wouldn't it be spiffy if we had padded trash compactors at work - and when onea these uglyass rumors got rolling - to take the "rollers" - load 'em up in the compactors - press the button, hear the grind and wait until ya hear "OK, OK, I PROMISE NOT TO GOSSIP - EVER - AGAIN." (Oh Victor - like you're perfect. You ignorant ass I've heard you before.. One of your favorite sayings is "I don't repeat gossip - so listen close the first time.") Yeah yeah yeah Ok. Maybe you're right - but I'd like to think I distinguish between 'trash' and fun stuff I hear. Honest, I try my best not to talk about others when they're not there in person, and never intend to humiliate. If you hear someone being trashed - makes ya think - hmmmm - I guess I would be the target if I tweren't here..

"White trash." I really don't like that term. I'm too damn logical I guess. It insinuates "all that ain't white - are trash - with this exception." Patooey.

Trash Dumpsters. Back when I peddled around in sales to grocery stores - ya'd see folks all up in the dumpsters looking for scraps - outdated merchandise - "lunch." Sad, very sad. Then... along'd come another - and he'd eat the stuff the first guy wouldn't...etc, etc. How humiliating. How sad. How can we fix that?

Recycle Bens. Me thinks it was the 70's when we realized "hey.. we're throwing this shit out at such an alarming rate - pretty soon we're gonna be covered in trash." So ecology began. Each town hired a "Ben" to sort thru plastic, glass, aluminum, etc.. and it was recycled. (Ahm Victor.. that's recycling BINS.).. Yeah.. reckon you're correct. Sometimes (like my old Nash Rambler) jokes here backfire and I should really consider backspacing them out. (Indeed.) Screw you KrispyKremebreath.

We got trash in our computers. We've got trash at work. We deal with the trash talk at work. We watch the T-Vee and hear sport's folk talking trash. We catch the news and see crime scenes where victims talk trash on the authorities.

Upon occasion, folks get 'trashed'. (But never you, right Mr. Happy Hour?) Bite me halfcafbreath. Trash can be vandalism. "My yard got trashed." We checkout at the grocery store and the Celeb Trash mags leap out at us with size 48 type - purporting unbelievable trash - "more inside."

We use the word trash to describe TV shows, movies, other people's language, other people, yards as we drive by......... trash is a popular word - but rarely in a good connotation.

I just kinda browsed over what I've written, and I apologize. I think I should trash it - but crap, it's 7:30am - soon they'll stare at me if I don't get my ass to work. So... you're stuck with this trash. Tune in tomorrow when the topic will be "Say... did you hear about Bonnie?".. Hehe.. If this is your trash day, may I be the very first to offer up "Happy Trash Day." Bye bye now. Victurd.

I disagree.....

cry·ing ADJECTIVE:

Demanding or requiring action or attention: a crying need.

I disagree... "Demanding or requiring action or attention." Oh sure, when the little piglet arrives home from the hospital - their crying demands or requires action or attention... I disagree that's the intent when us old farts cry..

I cry for a few reasons - and none demand action or attention. The very best cries there are - are the ones where you're alone - you let 'er rip - not a sole knows - and somehow, ya feels better...

Pity for self? Eh, I kinda think - if one hurts inside - and part of it is perhaps a selfish hurt - to do so in your own bedroom/bathroom - there's nothing selfish or self-pitying about that... as long as one can jump back into the real world and co-exist..

I cry happy tears. These are perhaps the best - and ya know why you're elated - but you don't know how to control the bod - and happy tears flow... Far friggin' out..

Something horrible happens to one personally, the loss of a loved one - hell yes crying is acceptable. If we don't feel, what's the use in even being here? Close your ears - I cried when I re-read yesterday's blog... Pity for self? Eh, mebbe - but I feel more simply because I miss, still grieve for the loss of my loved ones... I think grief perhaps goes on the extent of one's life.. Does it make sense to say "I can grieve now for the loss of my father cause he died in '03, but I can't grieve for my mother because she died in '87." Not no's but hells no's it doesn't make sense.. It absolutely can't affect/control your daily worthiness on this planet - but dad-gummit I don't see a thing wrong about shedding tears because one's you loved so ain't here to enjoy today with you... I honestly think most of the time our tears in grief are FOR THEM, not us. As in "tain't fair".

So..... I hereby promise.. if I see something cool.. if I hear a cute story.. if I get a nifty email.. if I have the simple thought "hey, you're cool - I like you".. I'm gonna reach out and touch/share while touching/sharing can still be done...

Wouldn't ya like to be a fly on the wall in heaven? Well... let's spread the love here first... make sure those here we do love are aware of that...

Stop and smell the seconds.. Yesterday - I went thru Mickey-D's for a quick lunch... nabbed my Coke.. she (17-18 yr old snotnose)was getting ready to hand me the sack.. "ma'am, could I have some ketchup?".. she tossed 3-4 packets in the sack.. held the sack at the opening - looked me square in the eyes "they're 15 cents apiece now.".. "You gotta be kidding me?".. "No sir, I'm serious." She held the thought (and her straightahead serious glaze) for a moment - then flung me this beautiful smile - handed me the sack and said "Happy Memorial Day." She get's it. Life is for living. She smelled the second. I bet she's got a great mom & dad and has learned appreciation of life from them. Here was an old fart, front bumper cracked in two, brake light on, checkenginelight on, insidea my car looking like my damn desk at work yet - she had ZERO to gain from messing with me.. yet she did. Thanks kid - all too often we get so wrapped up about "us" - we forget others.

Stop. Look. Smell. Smile. Share. Cry. Touch. Doesn't mean you demand or require attention.. Happy 4-day work week, bye bye now, Victor

Decoration Day.....

This might bore you... I'm selfishly borrowing my blog today...

Grandmother... to heaven July 1976... Grandma - you were the perfect grandmother.. You taught me all about equality.. you modeled morality... your love never went unappreciated or unnoticed... I graduated from college in May of 1976.. Proudly, you now lay in the dress you wore on that day... I miss you, and think of you often....

Grandfather... to heaven January, 1977... your death, six months after the death of your spouse - personifies the love you two shared... you did it right sir... all those years at the same employ... all those years happily married to the same woman... I don't believe I ever heard a complaint out of your mouth.. I miss you, and think of you often...

Mother... to heaven June, 1987... unconditional love.. the greatest gift I've ever had... counselor, cook, chauffeur, nurse, cheerleader, linguist, faithful wife, much, much more... undaunted by your massive stroke nine years earlier - you chose to live life out happy, and you did... my only hope is that you know the love you gave was returned equally by all of us.. many a day, many a night I want to talk to you, see you, be with you - if nothing more than to simply say "thanks." I miss you and there's not a day gone by I don't visualize you...

Sister... to heaven February, 1999... while the stay was short - you packed it in kiddo.. if I live to be 90, there's no way I could give as much as you gave... you were the cog to our family... sincerely loved by all.. witty, beautiful, unconditional love, lover of little ones, missed - so very badly... selfishly, I miss your advice - but moreso, I miss your fervor for life and all that's in it... not a day goes by I don't think of you - and I realize how lucky I was to have you as a sister...

Father... to heaven November, 2003... again, the most amazing thing I take from you is that whenever your name comes up in conversation - an immediate smile emotes from all those conversing... you taught me not to discriminate... you taught me that upon occasion - bad things happen - to address them - and to move on... when mom had her stroke in 1978 - you gave up your occupational career to stay home and care for her the final nine years of her life... wow, was that an example of how to do it.. you did the same the final year of your daughter's life... and later, fended for your companion for a year as she recouped from cancer... amazing.. you taught me not to get too excited.. to enjoy the little things... and to break things down to their simplest form... I'd call you every day your reasoning and advice if I could.. not a day goes by I don't think of you...

Many, many others... among them Cliff, Nelda, Roger, Edward H, Earl, Pernie, Walter, Ethyl, Buddy, Richard, ..... I'm not good with plastic flowers... I don't travel to decorate as faithfully as I should.. All please know how important you were/are to me... God Bless, Victor

Bed Bath & Beyond........

Sleeping habits. We're a bizarre sort. For whatever reason, I like being to the "almost falling off" point of the bed at night. It ain't nuttin' personal - it's just how I've always done it..

Can't sleep on ma back.. You?.. Gotta have a pillow to hug... and I'm usually sitiated (Victor, that ain't how you spell it)... GD pecanwafflebreath, that's how I INTENDED to spell it. Stick your Funk up your Wagnell. Ahem... usually sitiated where the eyeballs are turned toward the clock...

All them movies you see where folks are wrapped up like a pretzel to sleep - ya think that's possible? Oh I suppose we've all fallen asleep in spoon position - but then we wake up like silverware - all spread out - but next to one another.

For many years I was part of the "H" pattern of sleep. I was one of the uprights - as was whatshername - and Maynard was the crossbar... Shared ma bed with many a cat, Smokey any time he wanted, and Gabe only when the Doppler went crazy.

I've never heard myself snore so it just can't be possible that I do that. (Aye yai yai)....

I presently sleep between the Tigres and Euphrates.. Yes, friggin waterbed sprung a leak to the West... GD cats... and then to the East... I have exactly 23 inches with which to lay in or I'm drenched. I'll buy some glue/patches.... tomorrow.

Bath. I don't give a rats what people say.. I am a man.. I cry... and FU I love baths... How very relaxing they are... Me thinks we oughta have baths/bathtime at work because some of the very best thinking is done in the bathtub.. "Ahm, no.. Mr. Perkins will be back at his desk in twenty minutes or so.. he's taking a bath." Fuckin' A Ray - wouldn't that be the Bomb?

HOT, I like it damned hot - as bearable as the old bod can take it.. I want sunburn lookin' skin.. I wanna soap allover... I wanna lather all over... I wanna feel clean.. Stepson's pappy said "I abhore baths... you're simply bathing in your own dirt." He's almost as anal as you talkback. (My turn to say FU... FU). Ok, allowed, I earned it.

SHIT. Forgot the towel. Ever do that? It ain't bad from April thru September - but it does strange things to us men when we troop thru chilly weather nekkid. I gots shortpeckeritis to begin with so I HATE when that happens. Nubs. Stubs. Ya look in the mirror and think "my God, how do you grow so much during.. (HEY HEY, this is circulated amongst family - watch your circulation stories)... Yeah, sorry, I guess I wasn't being an upright fella there.. (egads, I give up)...

Boobies in the bathtub. (WHAT?).. Oh it's Ok Icantbelieveitsnotbutterbreath... Everyone knows I've seen a few pair of boobies in the bathtub.. I ain't namin' names, I ain't kissin' and a tellin'.. But.. from my birdseye view - when a chick lays on her back- the water kinda acts like a flotation device - and ifn's one ever wanted to know what they'd look like with them there breast implants - they could look in a mirror and see. Funny. We men shrink, but the chicks grow - or somehow defy gravity and them suckers just pop out all erect and everything. I could get me onea them newfangled dig-i-tal cameras and starts me a business... Paint up my cargo van with "I'll take your picture and it'll be what you'd look like with boobie implants." It'd be tough duty, but I thinks I could do it. (You are simply ridiculous, nuts.) FU talkback, how many women ya think stand infronta the mirror trying to raise their boobies up to see what they'd look like and then there's them damn fingers all in the way? Many.. I bet it'd sell. (Yes, and you probably wouldn't need a tripod) HEY, this is a family site.. remember? (Sorry, couldn't resist.. my apologies to Aunt Flo and Uncle Herkimer...)

Beyond. Me thinks if I type beyond this - it will be bed time for anyone still reading. So.. I will bid adieu... Have fun in your bed.. however you sleep and with whomever you sleep with.. Rub-a-dub-dub in your tub.. (take a mirror with you if you're a chicky. Trust me, them puppies float. CALL ME, I'll bring ma camera.. 816-555-1212)..

And let's all take a moment to reflect on the wonderful memories we have left from those no longer living in our lives.. I am who I am because of those gone before me.. Please allow Memorial Day to be a happy day.. Filled with good tidings from yesteryear... Love ya, bye bye now... Victor

I love this bar......

We got winners (Jack Nicklaus, Mother Teresa, Peyton Manning, Oprah, Tiger Woods, Jimmy Carter, Buck O’Neill, )
we got losers (child abusers, grumpy people, self-important people)
Chain smokers and boozers (ahm, I probably resemble that... John Daily, 3-4ths of the Corner Bar folks)
And we got yuppies (J-ahn-son Countians, KU fans – sorry Catom), we got bikers (My ex, her ZZ Top man)
We got thirsty hitchhikers (Dunno any.. if I did, they’d have a ride)
And the girls next door dress up like movie stars (I guess Gladys Kravats fits here.. she WAS an actress)

Hmm, hmm, hmm I love this bar (The Landing)

We got cowboys (Gene Autry – I know, I’m old), we got truckers (Dude I sat with TWICE at blackjack table)
Broken-hearted fools and suckers (Geez, ain’t we all been here?)
And we got hustlers (Paul Newman), we got fighters (Clint, Rocky, Ali, Maynard)
Early birds (me) and all-nighters (Gracie)
And the veterans talk about their battle scars (Bob Dole)

Hmm, hmm, hmm I love this bar (Pirate’s Inn)

[Chorus:]
I love this bar (Sammy’s)
It's my kind of place (equality)
Just walkin' through the front door
Puts a big smile on my face (ah some good times)
It ain't too far (7th & ?), come as you are
Hmm, hmm, hmm I love this bar

I've seen short skirts (Kendra, her norm), we got high-techs (Howard, Doris)
Blue-collar boys (me) and rednecks (my car, or so Debbie W. says)
And we got lovers (where?) lots of lookers (all of our eyes wander)
And I've even seen dancing girls (doo-doo sisters) and hookers
And we like to drink our beer from a mason jar (nomme)

Hmm, hmm, hmm I love this bar (Skunk Creek Inn - Colorado)
Yes I do

I like my truck (I like my truck) (I AM getting a truck – one that doesn’t have checkenginelight on, honest I am.
I like my girlfriend (I like my girlfriend) (Gracie)
I like to take her out to dinner (Dish)
I like a movie now and then (with Tivo, conversation intermixed)

But I love this bar (One Block West)
It's my kind of place
Just trollin' around the dance floor (3 beer prerequisite)
Puts a big smile on my face (hopefully I do that a lot)
No cover charge (thank$), come as you are (yeah, ain’t one for high-falootin’ duds, scroll to blue collar)
Hmm, hmm, hmm I love this bar (The Corner)
Hmm, hmm, hmm I love this bar (Kelso’s)

We got divorcees (me me me me) and a big bouncer man (all big men bounce)
An old jukebox and a real bad band (Allied Saints, ever get a chance – go hear ‘em)
We got waitresses and we got barflies (ahm… OK, me again dammit)
A dumb-ass and a wise-guy (I’ma thinkin’ I might qualify for both there too)
If you get too drunk just sleep out in your car (Dammit Jim, they’ve got surveillance cameras in the Ameristar parking lot?)

Reason number 672 why (People who go to a bar once, twice a year say “how sad an existence”.. people who go maybe once a week – simply have fun. Rationalization?)

Hmm, hmm, hmm I love this bar (Legends)
Play it on out boys
Beer-thirty's over
Got to take it on home (Liberty)

Hmm, hmm, hmm I love this bar (The Levee)
I just love it

Ya put da lime in the Corona - ya drink it all up...

Ah tis THE weekend. The traditional beginning of summer. We'll race home today - the Friday before Memorial Day - then we'll joins scads of others on four lane highways - that turn into two lane highways - cussin the slow trek all along the way --- to finally arrive upon our Utopia.

We'll play football catch... run races... swim like crazy... walk to see whatever it is unusual that we don't normally see... lengthen our awake time - cut our sleep time in half...

Adorn ourselves with duds that say "fuck you winter - I've arrived." We got used to the sun last summer - so we'll bare all that white skin again - and overdo it for four whole days.

We'll take our already needing SlimFast bodies and wolf down brats, ribs, burgers, steaks, all the shit that builds bigger love handles with the rationalization "it's summer - I'll work it off."

We'll guzzle beer, wine coolers - and more beer, wine coolers - and coupled with the sun, the white-turning-red skin, the longer hours, the more activity - we'll wake up Saturday morning saying "JC why did I do that?" - and then after a humongous brunch - we'll repeat the entire process again --- and again on Sunday... "What the hell, we've still got Monday to rest."

Body shock. That's what we'll do.

Ya know what I say about all that? Not just yeah, but hells yeah. We Midwesterners are lucky -- our winters ain't too awful bad - but they're just long enough to give us a greater appreciation of spring/summer/fall. Floridians ain't gotta clue. Montanan's get to enjoy their two weeks of summer. We're lucky - damn lucky. I walked out the door yesterday and it was marvelous. No AC. No furnace. Perfect, just perfect. Short sleeves - no sweat.

People are the happiest when they do of their own choosing. Memorial Day is all about choosing what we wanna do. The sore muscles - the sunburn - the "holy shit I spent too much" - the departed brain cells... it's all worth it.

Go.... Have smiles... Have family... Have it your way... Our tenure here is short - and there ain't no guarantees past waking up today... Put da lime in the Corona and drink it all up... Travel safely...

Happy Decoration Day - bye bye now... Victor

I couldn't live without........

Air.... Water.... Electricity (well... could.. but it'd be damn tough)...

Beer.. (well... could... but not so sure I'd wanna!).... Women... no further details needed...

Planters Salted Peanuts... My car... Gasoline... Sleep... Circulation... (you dirty minded shit you)...

Peanut butter... The t-vee (don't needs no TiVo, DVD, VCR, HD, that crap.. just gimme the basic.)... Music... Coffee...

The News... The Newspaper... Spring.... Summer.... Fall.... Holidays...
Friends, Family/loved ones... Animals... Old folks - Even the ones that can't drive wortha crap..

Youthful enthusiasm... Sarcasm... Laughter... Deodorant... Pay Day...
Butterfingers... My eyeballs... Toilet paper... Tears... Feel... Sex...


My testes, pee pee, that stuff... colon.. lungs.. heart.. (Victor? You've gotta heart?) Talkback, may the bird of Paradise mistake your anus for your nose.

Money... Bread.. Undies.. Shoes... A Mirror.. (I shoulda known.) OH SCREW YOU TALKBACK - if you didn't have a mirror - life would be hell. Can you imagine living not knowing what you looked like?

Selfishness - you know, stuff like Blackjack, a woman in a sundress, not having a phone to be commanded by, control of the remote, my computer - that crap.

))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
I COULD live without:

Neighbors - especially Gladys Kravats... Boogers... Frowns... Fights...

The ugly portions of the news... War... Racism... Mayonnaise... VD, STD's, CD's, DDS's, Home Depots, Da Bears.

Oral selfishness.. (VICTOR! The hell you talkin' about?).. I'm talking about people that are ALWAYS concerned with "me/I." (Yeah.. Ok.. I thought you meant something else... whew.)..

Mean people... BO... Getting gas in the rain... Having gas after a Mexican dinner.. My gas bills in the winter... The fuckers that leave three drops of coffee in the coffee pot at work and don't make more..

(Is there a purpose/intent to all this crap you've written?) Well croissantbreath - no.. I was just "fillin' the hole" of an empty blog. But (Victor, you learned long ago you can't start a sentence with "but".)... But FU talkback, this is a blog. Take your Englishteacherredpen and scratch the bird of Paradise with it. But, as I was typing - I've found I love a lotta more stuff than I hate. That's a good thing... I think.

May love strike you as well... for others... for yourself... for all around you.. I love life... God Bless....... Victor

From the bleachers of life....

What ma eyeballs done seen this past weekend.....

Three Bluejays chased this squirrel up and down this huge elm Saturday. Nippin' anda peckin'... Nature, survival of the fittest. Was kinda intersting to see - yet, I'm sure the hearts of those involved were pounding, pounding pounding to the beat of "this could be it... my brief stay here might be over." (Jersey waited intently at the base of the tree... hair-raised.. just wanting an afternoon snack.. no matter the species..)

Blue-hair. I'm going to turn left... I go into the left turn lane where you're sposeta - where the 'breaks' in the painted lines are... allofasudden, bluehair in nifty, new Caddy w/handicap plates jostles over the solid white line RIGHT infronta me to turn left as well. I'ma thinkin' had I been 16 or so, I'da honked my ass off at her.. tailed her a bit.. maybe flung a new word or two or gesture for her to learn.. Instead, I chuckled.

So, bluehair gets to the intersection. And I mean INTO the intersection. She was out sooooo far into traffic (red light) there's no way any car could have turned left toward her... Again I chuckle. Her and Effie probably talkin' bout Brother Frank's most recent sermon - or perhaps "could you believe how low cut that Emylou Johnson's dress was?"...

Bluehair finally gets the green light to turn left - and this is handled quite well actually.. Not fast.. not REAL slow.. but fairly well. Uh oh. She's got her left turn signal on. NO NO NO! WOAHHHH NELLIE! That's ONE WAY.. The OTHER way!.. Doesn't stop Beatrice.. she just keeps right on a peddlin' down the street - oblivious to the WRONG WAY signs... Hehe.

Two Canadian geese en route overhead. One slightly ahead.. the other 'honking' like crazy trying to catch up. It's hard to tell from 100 feet which is the male and which is the female - so I imagined the scenarios for either.... First.. HE watched her beauty from behind - followed her - was using every line in the book to entice her down for a little geese-play. Fluidly fullsteam ahead, not her intent on this day.... or, Second. SHE was pissed because he'd stayed with the fellas a little late the night before.. they were sposedta be at her folks nest over an hour ago.. she was raging on and on about "what's good for the goose...." He just wanted a cup of coffee.

The Preakness.. In case you missed it - Barbaro (Kentucky Derby winner and 3-5 fav at the Preakness) broke his leg in the race... was sad to watch.. he tried his best on three legs to keep up.. the jockey doing any/every thing to stop Barbaro... five hours of surgery later he's got a 50/50 chance to survive... Fleeting. Life is fleeting. I'm rootin' for Barbaro. Ifn's he makes it - it'll be a life of "standing at stud." That sounds like one of the better occupations I've heard of.

A so-so weekend at the casino. I stayed a record SHORT four hours. I gain peace from observing whilst at the blackjack tables. If you ever go into a casino - go see what I mean. Seven stools - and amongst those sitting on the stools (AND co-existing) could be: a brother from the hood.. a widow'd greyhair from Johnson County.. a frat snotnose.. two 30-something sisters on a night out... a 40-something IT specialist... a truck driver from Pennsylvania... a father/daughter team.. you get the gist. Different, but all getting along. Martin Luther King's dream happens at the blackjack table. It still doesn't wholly happen in life - but it does at the blackjack table. Oh, and I did abide by my "no flirting" instructions.. and I DID NOT look down the tops of the scantily clad cocktail waitresses.. Them sonsabitches just GOT to get taller stools for the blackjack tables.

Yes, even at $2.59 a gallon, we took a spin in the country Saturday.. Seena deer sleeping on the sidea the road.. dunno why them suckers sleep with there legs all out straight and everything.... Went by farmer Roe's house. Seen his ole 74 Chevy truck out in the pasture.. it bit the dust in '96.. then I got ta thinkin' about his property being in line for annexation by our fine city.. and how he'd one day haveta tow his truck off the property (and pay sky-high taxes.) Sorry brother - 'For the good of all people'. Personally I thought it looked rather charming there what with that fescue risin' thru the holes in it's bed..

MONDAY. It's a new week, a new start. Tickle someone's funny bone. Take a moment, or an hour or an evening - spoil yourself. Howabout one planned "giving" this week? I'ma thinkin' bout what I can do. God Bless to all - and when the Beatrice's of life allofasudden pull out infronta ya - stay calm.. please take a deep breathe.. chuckle.... then flip her off!

From around the table.....

Happy Hour discussions are much more interesting than any Conference Room meetings I've ever been at... Attendance is by choice - there is no "head of the table" - you come when you want, you stay as long as you want. There is no agenda.. No dress code.. Interruptions are welcomed.. There is no Employee Manual to abide by.. Rather than talk about 'tasks' - we generally talk about other people. NO? YOU DON'T?

Well, I guess it's not the thing to do.. but somehow it's done - and it's generally long about the second glass of whatever one is drinking.

"Have you noticed that one new chick in our area... the BO?"... Hehe, and like Boardroom meetings, in turn the "problem/solution" for same was bantered about... "Well.. I worked at so-and-so, we had this family that actually lived in a tent.. she walked 7 miles to work.. she reeked SOOO bad... after multiple complaints, finally the HR Dept called her in - gave her a basket from Bed, Bath & Beyond.. pointed her toward the shower..." ...and the suggestion from the younger point of view "look bitch, you stink. Soap up." Hehe..

Then the topic somehow got switched to paraplegic intercourse and if there was sucha thing. See? Much more fun than talking about summer quotas, annual budgets, etc...

Lemme see... we touched on the folks in the Claims Dept... Receivables and Billables... The HR Dept & Secretary.. The officers... The Main Dept... hell, I don't think we missed a lick. Right Kendra? We talked about who we thought was doinking who... So and so that said "I haven't been with a man in 24 years" (and shortly thereafter she touched the leg of the person she was talking to and followed with "you're hot.")..

We spoke of how "good" our current business is (While it's fairly consistent, we get slammed/killed/smothered in the summertime.) We vented, bitched, moaned, laughed, argued, talked emotionally, stood up for some, dissed others. We talked about the day long about ten am someone stood up and yelled to the next county "THAT'S IT.. I CAN'T TAKE IT.. I CAN'T DO ALL THIS." See? We needs these Happy Hours. Fuckabuncha board meetings - gimme co-workers and a Miller Light any day.

Talked about our lives.... talked about how the waitress got bent outta shape by a comment... bitched about plastic cups versus glasses to drink our drinks in (there was a full-fledged festival going on literally right out the front door - the City did not allow glass containers.)

We spoke of a recent two year Boobaversary (24 months after implants)complete with free educational 'feels'... whether or not they'd explode at 30,000 feet... whether or not one could breast feed after...

If ya didn't come, we probably talked about you... (No, not you Misty.. you're on "the good team."!!!)

All week long we've been a wind up toy in the wind up mode. Since it coincided with pay day - we've gone from those hideous Banquet frozen dinners to finally "gimme the good shit, no well drink for me."

We pay our bills.. we do our laundry.. we mow our yards... then we do it allover again, beginning with the two-week preparatory wind-up stage... At work, if ya observe those that don't come --- they honestly do seem all wound up.. Am I promoting profanity, drinking, gossiping, laughing to tears? Uh huh, I think I am. I guess I could go home, kick the dog, holler at the kids.. yell "WHAT'S FOR DINNER G-DAMMIT" - but I'd much rather unwind at Happy Hour.

Beats the hell outta a Board Room, or a bored room any day. Happy weekend, bye bye now.

He choked... and then he drove thru the China Buffet

HA! You sonsabitches didn't believe me! Thursday's news:

"Police are investigating after a driver crashes his car into a hair salon and restaurant early Thursday morning. (Actually was Chinese Restaurant.. Can't ya just see em? "Ohhhh shit"..)

It happened at about 4 a.m. in the 400 block of West 103rd Street. A surveillance camera showed the car veering off the street into the building. The driver told police he was on his way home from work, had a coughing fit and blacked out. He said that he has been sick recently.

The man suffered only minor injuries."

Flashback to September:

"Police don't know any damn thing about a driver going down an embankment early Friday morning....

It happened about 11am in Belton. There were no surveillance cameras - but the car pulled onto Highway 71 and veered off and down a 40' hill into a grassy knoll between the outer road and the main highway (inches from a 2' deep concrete culvert).

The driver told his blog "I was on my way to work, choked on a Burger King French Fry, had a coughing fit and blacked out. Not a fucking sole stopped to see if I was Ok.. I think they were all laughing 'LOOK!!!.. DID YOU SEE THAT OLE GEEZER? HEHE.'" The driver said he'd been sick recently.

The man suffered only wounded pride.

So... stick that crap up your Funk and Wagnell. See? It happens.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sport's scores: Yesterday I shot... Righthanded. I hit three, count 'em three - balls at a 45 degree angle to the left into the woods. I almost nailed a duck on the 12th hole. I gotta ten on one hole (the only player in double figures I might boast).. It got dark, the two young punks gave up on us - went home, and I'll be damned if they missed me draining a 20' par putt. Oh well. I knew it happened. I had fun and my body don't feel too bad. Wanna feel it?

Happy day, bye bye now...

Rabbit in a snowstorm....

ie, a blank sheet of paper. That's it, this thing - the blank sheeta paper. I ain't got nuttin' to say (then shut the hell up Victor). Damn you talkback - now ya did it... I'm gonna ramble just because of that.. (Oh joy.)

On second thought - I'm gonna take a day off. Crap, we all need onea them from time to time. I hope you love and are loved.. I hope ya choose your actions/reactions - and that they aren't stressy...

I'm always amazed by brains and how we use them so differently... Just two minutes ago - I was out for my every morning smoke before the 8am bell... There's a gal here at work -- she learned about two months ago she has breast cancer... She chooses to be upbeat. "Beat the bastard" my sister and I usedta say with a smile.. A small thing happened - but I think it tells a story.. She was walking in the front door -- I was 30 yards away at the side door - head pointed ahead (not in her direction).. She yelled across "Good Morning Vic!".. She chose to do that. A nice moment it was. She coulda walked in with head down - ne'er a word. Instead - she perked me up, perked herself up - and she grabbed that moment. I'm glad she did - she knows there are no guarantees of future moments. Again, a simple thing - but a wonderful thing. Please utilize your moments. I planta.

Taking off at 4pm to play golf today. YEAH!!! I've blabbed via email how termite Joey and I are gonna kick Mike/Dave's butt on the golf course. We're terrible, Mike's very good and Dave is average. We should lose handily - but I'm glad I took the moment to hopefully make them smile - and increase their enjoyment as they kick our butts. Joey and I will try harder - we know aheada time we suck - so any good that comes is unexpected. Take your moments - give a little joy - from what I've observed, the givers DO get tenfold - and they live much more enjoyable lives. I've probably lived life as a receiver - and that bugs me - but I'm working on the giving part..

Have a great day... Even you talkback - you butthead.... Bye bye now...

Wednesday... Hump Day...

Musings....

Gracie's son is goin' in the Navy. Great kid - just learned the "real date" of June 6th yesterday... Was nice to see the excitement in his eyes... Was fun to hoist a cold one with him last night.. I wish Maynard would consider something like that - as long as it wasn't in harm's way.. it'd go miles for his psyche...

The Royals are on pace to win 40 games (outta 162 played.) Wow, dat ain't very good. Read something the other day that said "between 1975 and 1990 the Royals had the third most wins"... the times they'vea changed.

Whine - whine.. Seems to be the common theme here at work. All of us are pushed this time of year to simply try to keep up (and that's impossible.) It's sucha pleasure to be surrounded by those that don't bitch about it.. it happens, we haveta do it.. let's make it fun. Thus far, we have.

Playing golf tomorrow with three buddies from work. Little termite Joseph and I are teamed together... Again, I be lucky to run with the young pups -- GD will need ma Ibuprofen after - but their enthusiasm keeps ma ticker pumped, rarin' to go, excited about life. Victor Immature I guess I am.

You'd haveta know Gracie to believe how much fun it is just to watch her.. The inflection in her words is awesome. The smiles she wings are frequent, fresh, and to be on the receiving end just makes ya feel good. She could be anything she wants to be - and she's choosing to be a reading teacher for 7th grade snotnoses. I think that rocks. Can you imagine having a pretty, fun, upbeat, teacher like that? I know it'd make me wanna read.. or simply listen to her. Impactive you are woman, keep it up!

(Victor, this was real boring... in fact, it sounded a tad bit like a diary.) Bite me Folgersbreath.. that's what a blog is.. (Why do these young people continue to hang with you when you use such archaic terms... 'diary'. Get with the new world.) Ya know, thankyouverymuch but I'll take the best of both worlds. Diary keeps me keenly aware and thankful of my past - blog keeps the juices flowin' for the excitement of today. Kiss my ass talkback.

Alrighty then... another day.. another dollar... I reckon their ain't nothing wrong with a routine day. I make a wish today that everyone who is going thru a tough time is able to cope through it... and may any ills be healed soon - very soon.
Happy day, bye bye now.......

Do you like yourself?

Oh there are days... Yesterday - five minutes into the work day I got into baby spat over the phone with a co-worker - infected my whole day. I was kinda joking around teasing - then she "mean-teased" back and it pissed me off. I allowed it to affect my demeanor thru lunch...

After lunch - I made a brief apology - and frankly it didn't really come from the heart - but I get sea-sick when the boat rocks... Similar thing happened a few weeks ago with an email I sent... A person one step up wrote back "are you asking or are you telling?" - that got me bent outta shape a bit - and I winged back a nice email (honestly) hoping to explain what I meant - and was met with "wow, you can dish it out but you can't take it" - so... I'm left to wonder about myself.. I re-read what I sent and it didn't seem 'sharp' - so I dunno, different views from different shoes I guess.

Today I get to work early and there's a Thank You card infronta me.. I won't embarrass her - but it's from a gal I work in close proximity to.. She's basically telling me how lucky she is to work with me, my patience with her... Jeez! Those damn givers! Seriously, her timing couldn't have been better - I ain't real sure what I did to 'earn' it - but I'm so thankful to have received it... I gotta start this giving stuff -- she musta felt sooo good to place that on my keyboard - knowing it would pump me up - and it has.. Why is it you see people around you, you admire them - their personality, how they handle stressy times with a smile -- and then they turn around and compliment you? She rocks - I'm lucky to work with someone so upbeat - and I will tell her I feel that way. (Ceptin' it's easier for me to write than it is to say stuff like that - shouldn't be - but it is.)

Perhaps boring you - there have been periods of my life, days of my life where I've been depressed. Maybe we all suffer that? There have been days where I question the depth of my personality - and ask the basic questions "Am I a good person?... Do I like me?" -- sometimes my internal jury stays out for awhile...

The men don't cry part... Any reading ladies please don't slap me when I write this next part... It's long been thought by men that it's the woman who will experience a day where just for no reason she will feel like beginning to cry. (Close your ears, and I ain't gay) I had onea them days yesterday. Unexplainable. Life's like the stock market. The inflatable raft. The rollercoaster.

Mosta the time I feel like I'm ontopa the mountain and I wanna yodel (and I don't know how to yodel) but there are valley days where all I want is a blanket, darkness and quiet. Ya think that's normal?

Do I need to sign up for Nurse Wratchett's watch? Do you 'self-evaluate' yourself? If you occasionally don't live up to your own standards - whaddya do? On the days you feel good about yourself - whaddya do?

I'z just curious. We all have eyes, ears, arms, legs, toes, fingers, a butt, etc - but the brain is sucha neat thing in how it's composed similar - yet so different from one to the next. Please - lemme know what's in your brain. Be anonymous if you want.. I find this therapeutic. Better thana massage. Blowjob may be pushing it (VICTOR DAMMIT YOUR NIECES MIGHT BE READING).. Oh yeah, sorry. Anyways - doggone it "speak"~! Happy day, bye bye now.

Help Wanted......

Counselor, Advisor, Chef, Consultant, Nurturer, Laundry Attendant, chauffeur, Nurse, Educator, Psychologist, Sanitation Engineer, Peace Coordinator, all unconditionally, etc,...etc,...etc... Must work 24/7, no pay, Thanks once a year. With all that, you must understand how lucky you are.

Yes, mom. I truly hope you personally had/have a wonderful relationship with your mother. If you are a mom, I hope you've gained appreciation of how impacting you/your actions/behaviors are.

I am not Maynard's mom, but for the last five years I've been the onsite 'mom' and I haven't been able to hold a candle to you moms. I've always appreciated mothers, especially my own but now I have a greater understanding for each and every one of you.

There's something about your gut hurting when your kid's gut hurts. I can remember coughing as a child and my mother purposely wouldn't exhale until I inhaled again. Unconditional love. Knowing what to say when, and what not to say when.

I hope your day was wonderful and that all of the memories add up to a marvelous quilt of life. Happy day, bye bye now.

Please don't tell a sole.........

I enjoy work. Yes, that's right - I like my job. (Victor, it's the American way to gripe, complain, say "I can't wait for the weekend.") Yeah, I know - but whilst I don't make a great amount - they've treated me decent - and every job along the way I've accumulated more and more friends. (Yes, with as many jobs you've had I bet you have.) Screw you talkbalk - no real regrets here - life's been decent to me...

tumble outta bed and I stumble to the kitchen
Pour myself a cup of ambition

Is it OK to complain about parts of one's job? Hells yes. A balloon would never fly around the room speedily if ya didn't let a little pressure out of it.. No job is perfect - but there's a difference in the 'once in a blue moon' bitching - versus the continual scowled "I hate this, I hate that.. I don't wanna be here."

Out on the street the traffic starts jumpin'
With folks like me on the job from 9 to 5 (Ahm Dolly, I want me onea them 9-5's.. doing 8-5 now.. Am I a gettin' screwed?)

Workin' 9 to 5, what a way to make a livin'
Barely gettin' by, it's all takin' and no givin'

(Victor, this isn't funny, you're not entertaining here).. Yeah, whatever - but I think it's a topic that just needs to be addressed. (Well, you walk Jersey in the cemetery.. you'd think if work was so all-fired important, they'd have "Here lies Joe Blow, he worked for the Acme Company from 1962 to his retirement in 1985.") Ya know celerybreath, that might not be a bad idea. (They'd needta carve a lotta letters for all the jobs you've had.) Not funny - but what's wrong with being proud of one's job?

Allard Baird, the General Manager of the Kansas City Royals is on record saying "The Royals are of a greater priority than my family." Now that's bizarre - and I ain't saying to do that. But whattheheck is wrong with - simply enjoying one's job?

I just don't think we realize how good we have it. I gotta email the other day with the picture of a small impoverished child in a 3rd world country crawling toward a food pantry -- in the background was a buzzard awaiting to see if he'd die in attempting to get there... Playing blackjack with the feller that was paralyzed and could only move his head... Seeing older folks painfully grasp to do things they once did with ease... I "get it" - and I'm thankful I do.

They let you dream just to watch 'em shatter
You're just a step on the boss-man's ladder
But you got dreams he'll never take away
You're in the same boat with a lotta your friends
Waitin' for the day your ship'll come in
'n' the tide's gonna turn and it's all gonna roll your way

I don't have the right to complain about pressed hamburgers from BK/McDonalds when I've seen people scour for meals outta a dumpster. One time, after band camp, when I had a Frito Lay route - there was a Safeway store in the Old Northeast (mostly poor area just southa the river) - - they couldn't keep dry cat food on the shelves. For a long time I wondered why... then I figured it out.. I'm lucky - all here are lucky.

Working provides one greater self esteem. Working allows one to fill up the grocery cart, have heat in the winter, a warm bath, Channel 9, gas to flit about - and the money for a hooker should you want one. Hehe, ok, teasing about that last part - but ya get the point.

Gilligan, aka Bob Denver (bless his sole) gained his fame prior to being the "little buddy" on another show - The Dobie Gillis Show. He was a beatnick - for you sprites - that was the definition of hippies before the word hippie was invented. Whenever in conversation on the show someone mentioned 'work' - Maynard G. Crebs (aka Gilligan/Bob Denver) would retort with a shocked/high pitch "WORK!" - expressing his comedic displeasure of the thought. (Victor, that was in black and white.. I can't believe you're going back that far. Hills, you're as old as the hills.) Yeah, mebbe. But having lived through the advent of color television - mebbe I have a greater appreciation of it ranchdressingbreath. And let's not forget, I have control over the backspace key you asswipe. (So noted.)

Ok, sorry to lecture. I'll get outta your hair now.. I'm at work, it's Saturday, I could be mowing, or doing laundry, or loafing, or gambling, or sumpin. But I'm here - computing rates into the computer. GD. I don't really wanna be here - but I'm thankful of the fact I'm capable to be here. Workin' 9 to 5. I wonder if Dolly doesn't age because she ain't gotta get up every day and go to work. Hehe. Side note - Dolly is wonderful. A couple of things standout with Dolly. I just hope that one dude she's been hitched to for 40 yrs understands how lucky he is too. I'm sure he does. Forty years of having the view of the Great Smokey Mountains. Hehe.. Happy day, bye bye now.

Ouga chaka oww-gow

Dammit, still "hooked on" fun stuff to say... (Victor, you realize not a sole commented on an idea for usage of your broken inground pool?) Yes I do talkback, so, I've decided to use them all for filler. I figure one less dumptruck load of dirt to buy. To quote Buffalo Bob after he THOUGHT he turned the mike off one day on his radio show - "there, that oughta please the little bastards"!!!

Zoom golly golly golly zoom golly golly... (There's no rhythm, no rhyme here to any of this)... I want my babyback babyback babyback - Chili's... Smokin' cigarettes and watchin' Captain Kannnngaroo now don't tell me... there's nothin' to do...

Come, they told me pa ra pa pa pum....

Ok, dammit I'm runnin' late again. There's a pattern here. I mean, I'm early for work, but late to blog - so, that's my excuse for nothing clever to say today and I'm sticking to it.

The excitement of yesterday: "Like sands thru the hourglass, so go the days of our lives".. I tracked exactly fourteen minutes of my life yesterday were spent waiting for the friggin hourglass on the computer to figure out whatinthehell I had requested. (Let's see.. if you live to be 75, @ 365 days a year that's 382,550 days.. times 14 minutes, divide that by 60, divide that by 24.. you will watch the hourglass a little over 265 days of your life.) FU talkback, go play on I-435, but watchout for the mooners.

I will NEVER eat at Backyard Burger again. (But Victor, I heard you talking earlier.. you said the ground beef was "devine, not the pressed stuff like you get at McDonalds/Burger Kings" and that "they make the decision tough between the seasoned fries and the waffle fries" AND that the blueberry cobbler was "to die for.")

(Well that's senseless as hell... care to explain?) To quote Alvin on the Christmas album (JC you're old Victor) - YES you SOB I AM. Anyway, quoting Alvin OHHHH-KKKKKK... I walked up to the counter.. checked out their "extra value meals".. Saw the one I wanted and it said "$5.07." Not too bad.. Then I wanted cheddar cheese - another .30 cents.. Fair enough. So.. I dig out my wallet, the little chicky says "That'll be $4.17 sir." HUH? Are you having a special? At which point she pointed to this sign.. and said "I don't ask questions sir." I'll be damned if it didn't say "Seniors discount 20%." I ain't never friggin goin' back to that place! Yes, you're correct talkback, but I ain't never frickin goin' back.

Honest, I guess I don't regret the fact I'm getting older. (Is that why you still use your "40 isn't old if you're a tree" coffee mug at work Victor?) Well, yes Colgatebreath - maybe you're correct. I oughta whack urass with my cane.

I guess the day is approaching where I finally do pee my pants and forget my name. Until then, I promise to keep my brain in the 20's. Happy day, bye bye now.

HEY.. Can someone help me find my desk?

Blug....... Slog.......

That's me today - the cross between a blog anda slug. Tired, old - here. (But smiling!)....

Damn little button you gotta hit to start this says "Create"... I wish it just said "Write"... or "New"... Create is intimidating. I guess upon occasion there is something creative here.. (GD Victor, we'll be the judgea that).. Yeah yeah, I know talkback - but I really DO remember being creative once in my life.. (Oh yeah? When?)..

Well, usedta be a gal here at work.. she was.. well, let's just say no longer in the closet. She was having a Halloween Party - and invited a hetero female frienda mine to it.. Hetero was worried shitless as to what to dress up as... "Easy" I spouted.. "just go as a Little Dutch Boy".. hehe.. Ok, sorry - I kinda liked it. Reminded me of something my father might say - and he made me smile.

Thanks Cherryl for your kind words yesterday... I really do think I'd come here even if I knew there were no eyeballs peering - but hell, we all like flattery. So again thanks..

Slog, blug - blog slug. Tired. Old. (Gee, that was fun to read).. Oh screw you talkback - I got every right to whine - it's my friggin blog. (Oh joy, can you whine s'more.. it's not like you've got the roughest life in the world.).. Yeah, reckon you're right..

Hey, I need ideas. Anyone wanna buy an inground pool? Free shipping? HUH? Ok, I lied about that part. Nah the city is on my ass, and rightfully so.. The pool liner on our inground pool went bad several years ago - back then it was like $3000 to fix.. It ain't exactly front burner stuff to me - but the city tells me "you must have a plan of action by 5/31......... or be subject to arrest." <-- ain't lying about that. It was in the fine print. Or shitty print, pendin' on how ya look at it.

So... You, you sum'bitches (said lovingly).. if you have any fun, creative ideas on what to do with a useless broken ingound pool - please forward. Thanks to Glady Kravats next door (she has Code Inspector on her speed dial.. this is the same bitch that grabbed my kid's arm a few years back.. ain't talked to her since).. anyways, I plan to write a fun letter to the City on my plan of action. I will include, as the final option, filling it in. But.. I'd loveta have some creative options to offer them. You know, like maybe "The world's largest Koolaid Stand".. Think of it, you could poor tons of sugar.. get free samples from the Koolaid Company.. mix that crap up.. sell it to the neighborhood snotnoses... I think Channel 9 would cover it.. could be good for the city... Ok, that's one idea, I need yours.

I can't afford to fix it... unless for some reason Elisabeth Shue would read this and think "hmmm.. you've really thought I'm attractive for all those years?".. uh huh.. So, figuring that prolly ain't gonna happen - I gotta come up with a plan. Bury it (which in and of itself is expensive)... Maybe I could sell it on EBay. Seems virtually anything sells on there... Find me a 'pool fool'.. I'd even throw in a seta 1971 Topps Baseball cards...

Ok... time for work.. the real world beckons.. I stayed awhile after work last night.. Gracie was at a concert so... you know what that means.. Uh huh.. I played $3 blackjack, listened to two different bands, had two beers, Started with $40,won $60.. got up.. was walking to the door and that friggin $10 table said "Victor... oh VICTOR.. c'mere".. So I did. Plopped down the $60 I'd won to play. Six hands later I was out the door with only my original $40. (You idiot.) Screw you talkback, I'm fitty-three, I'll do whatever in the hell I want. Remember you crass ass - if it wasn't for me - you wouldn't even have a life.

Got the runs.. I mean... Gotta run....... Happy day, bye bye now.

I read the news today, oh boy.....

About a lucky man who made the grade...

Ok, lemme see what it says... Looks like Brittany's been Speared again...

I see the Missouri House of Representatives is trying to pass legislation where snotnoses could take online High School courses... Said a local teacher "Students who might be embarrassed to say things in class get over those barriers." WHAT? Ya think that's true about the internet? "Ahm, Victor?"... Yes Mr. Talkback?.. "You don't remember talking about your vasectomy, about the time you had to swim the butterfly and they told you to "flap your arms around and pretend like you were screwing?" Ok EggMcMuffinbreath, perhaps you're right - the internet does loosen inhibitions...

Woke up, fell out of bed,
dragged a comb across my head,
found my way downstairs and drank a cup,
and looking up I noticed I was late.

The latest diet? Feller walks from California to New York, begins the trip @ 410 lbs, ends at 310. Lemme see.. if I counted correctly, he crossed 11 states. K, that's Nine pounds lost per state. Whew, I'd only have to walk to Colorado - maybe the Eastern edge of Utah to reach my goal.

Found my coat and grabbed my head,
made the bus in second flat,
found my way upstairs and had a smoke,
and somebody spoke and I went into a dream

Dog bites man, Cleveland Indians beat Royals - NOT NEWS. Man bites dog, Royals beat Cleveland two games in a row - NEWS.

Forty-five percent of US children younger than 5 are minorities. By 2050, it's predicted the minority population and the current majority of non-Hispanic whites would each make up about half the total population. Utopic that would be, I think. Just the term 'minority' lends itself to being "teamed up against."

Nicole admits she still loves Tom - but I think it's probably a mission impossible... Tommy Morrison, remember him? The local fighter who was in onea the Rocky movies? HIV-positive, life kinda gone to hell. Well, he's admitted to living in Tulsa - having married Dawn (#1) but carousing with a Dawn (#2). He had the face of Dawn (#1) tattooed on his back (along with the words "Dawn you sexy bitch"... gee, mom must be so proud.) Anyways, Dawn #1 and Tommy have divorced. "I haven't seen her in six years.. I trampled on a good thing there... I'd like to have an opportunity to clear my chest with her." Ahm, Tom? Wouldn't that be 'clear your back?'

They've seen Dawn's face before,
Nobody was really sure if she was from the House of Lords

Horiscope says "you might be able to move mountains because of your creativity and high energy." That'd be fantastic. If I put the Rockies in Kansas, then I'd only have to walk one state to lose my desired weight.

I heard a news today, oh boy,
four thousand holes in Blackburn Lancashire,
and though the holes were rather small,
they had to count them all...

Stock market at second highest number ever, 11,639.. Bush's popularity at lowest number ever, 31% approval rating.... AOL laying off 1,300 workers. Brings a whole new meaning to "You've got mail."

Now they know how many holes it takes to fill Albert Hall. I'd love to turn...you... on..

That's the day (uh huh uh huh) I like it (uh huh uh huh). Your creativity challenge for the day: Find a whole new hiding place to put that booger... or mebbe the little spick of earwax from the tip of your little finger. Happy day, bye bye now.

Today......

Is the ugly one year anniversary of the school bus wreck in our town that killed two area men, severely wounded two children, many more injured - and changed the lives of many forever. God Bless all those effected - and let's try peek at some happier things that happened on this day in history:

The Beatles signed their first recording contract in 1962. Oh the world is about to change.

In 1914, President Wilson proclaimed the first Mother's Day...

Abolitionist John Brown was born on this day. Ya know, I wasn't aware he gadded about in this area. Osawatomie Kansas. There were some pro-slavery dudes living in Lawrence (SEE, even MORE reason to hate the Chickenhawks!) and Mr. Brown and his sons actually murdered several. Now I don't condone murder - but, I might haveta re-think that after I seen all them punks on the t-vee with the "Muck-Fizzou" T-shirts!

I searched all thru this GD internet Al invented for "midnight curfew" lifted. I heard that on the local news this morning as they were talking about "things that happened on this day in history." I heard 1940-something. I'm not sure if it was a nationwide thing or what --- but I thought it was interesting the next "this day in history" fact they spouted out was "on this day we became the first country to use the Birth Control Pill."... Hmmm.. Midnight Curfew lifted.. BCP's invented.. I reckon for every action there IS an equal and opposite reaction.

In 1984 the White Sox and Brewers played the longest baseball game in history.. lasting 25 innings.. eight hours and six minutes... "honey.. I'm going to the game".. "OK sweety, have a good time."... --> nine hours later "GD Robert, JUST WHEREINTHEHELL HAVE YOU BEEN?".. "but honey.. at the game." "YEAH, GAME MY ASS - YOU LEFT NINE HOURS AGO - IT'S THE GD SOFA FOR YOU TONIGHT." I'm sure that scenario played out in some household that day.

We also welcomed into the world Billy Joel, the ole tennis player Poncho Gonzalez .. and the lovely Candice Bergen... For MANY years I hada crush on Candice.. She's still, to this day - a very beautiful woman.

Impeachment hearings began for old "Tricky Dick" in 1974... Until I day I pee my pants and forget my name - I will never forget the signs from the presidential elections in 1972.. "Don't change dicks in the middle of a screw - vote for Nixon in '72."

Ok... hopefully for a brief respite we were allowed to switch our thoughts to happier stuff. We will never forget today however - and thoughts and prayers go out to all...

Today is THE DAY.....

I'm ready. Hell yeah. I've been so tired of this belly I never usedta have - gone, it will be gone. I've seen friends, - and thought "dang, they usedta be good athletes - but look at them now... you'd never imagine it." Well HA, I'm there now. Ok, maybe I wasn't a good athlete but GD I never usedta have trouble tying a damn shoe.

Today I will take workout clothes to work... get my hand weights outta the trunk... the little plastic mat I can do crunches on... a towel.. there's a shower.. I'll lift and concentrate on my legs one day... switch to my arms the next.... with some cardio thrown in...

I'm changing my eating habits.. Bye bye sugar... Seeya later soda pop... So long Fritos... Who-yeah...

EREHNNN EREHNNN EREHNNN EREHNNN.. the hell? who.. wha... where.. EREHNNN EREHNNN EREHNNN.. I'm.. a... OH MY GOODNESS. I'm awake. What a horrible, awful dream that was...I HATE bad dreams. Thank God it was you snooze alarm... Ok, ten more minutes to sleep... YES YES YES! (And I've still got time to swing thru Mickey D's for a sausage egg n cheese biscuit! Life is good.)

Drove my Chevy to the Levee....

Well... it ain't a Chevy - it's a Ford. But I did drive there - Gracie and I. The last few weeks I've been a dud. Left on Saturday afternoons to play a little blackjack - stayed until the wee hours - no phone calls. So, asked Gracie out on a date! 7pm.

Of course - first I hadta stop by the boat.. lost... lost... lost a little more - and in trying to get back the first forty - stayed too damn long and was a tad late getting there.. I DID LEAVE A MESSAGE indicating so, but she didn't answer.

Junk joint. We went to Joe Joe's - a quaint little Italian fast food joint in downtown (actually midtown I guess) Kansas City. Gracie musta been impressed as we had an aluminum foil ashtray - and Styrofoam plates - but ya know? The food was really decent - she concurred, and the price was right.

Drove around the corner -- landed at the Levee. The Levee has been a nifty little dance bar since the 60's... There's an upstairs for snotnoses (Jaime - you official 21 year old - it was said with love) and then the downstairs for all of us old farts who can't pay our mortgages on time.

A groupa six hens (again said lovingly) - eh, close to our age - walked in and sat at the table next to us... Turns out they're all from 'Nawlins'.. they started being friends in first grade... three of 'em are now in KC, the last two remaining in New Orleans moved out after incurring damage from Katrina ("and all the bullshit that's gone along with it" <- their words, not mine).. And they get together once a year in a different city each year. Pretty damn cool I thought.

"We're all married" one of 'em said - "so.. if any of us are asked to dance and do so - the rest of us are gonna take pictures!"... Happened. But they had fun - and I can just envision the six of 'em that very first night back together staying up into the wee hours recalling the glory days. Fun. Good for them.

The band. There are all kindsa bands. This one - I reckon, was for us old farts - BUT, there were a lotta young punks shaking tailfeather too.. Five brothers - two white dudes.. (Two sax's, trumpet, keyboard, drums, lead/bass guitar.) Age range late twenties to the trumpeter - guessing 60-ish. They started off playing Tequila - and it was easy to see Pee Wee in his goofy gray suit - and then I had this horrible vision of him in the movie lobby...

Gracie and I finally made it to the dance floor - and I had fun... The first dance was a bit awkward as we were on the very end toward all the tables- the most obviously visible couple in the joint. I am very white. Longabout the second hour - MUCH better - it was so damn packed ya couldn't hardly move anyways.. but that too made it fun. Celebrate good times - come on!.. Damn, they even played Wonderful World... And.. Billie Jean.. Gracie told me she went to see Michael Jackson in his heyday in the early to mid 80's.. Whatshername had taken Denton too when he was nine-ish.. Dent wore the Jacket like Michael - the glove - and he could moonwalk with the best of 'em..

Soooo... there for a minute I pictured Michael singing/dancing.. .and then I pictured Michael... ahm, nevermind. It was even uglier than Pee Wee.

So - we ate - we danced - we had a few brews (I had two beers, Gracie hada beer and a "Hot Damn" shot.) - we drove home. Of course - as the premonition thingy it is - the checkenginelight came on in the car. CRAP, I forgot to pee before we left. I guess the light was reminding me - but it was too late.. We stopped at ext 27 - 12:45am. McDonald's lights on - Ronald had the door locked. Crap. "Why don't you just go behind a tree?"... "Eh, here's a Phillips.. brb."... ""sorry sir, they're closed.. we're having plumbing problems." (Thought to myself "me too ya little cocksucker - now go get GD the key" - but didn't say it. Onward we go.)

Crap. So, #1 is also kinda threatening to add #2 to the frey (it's hell getting old) - we tried Exit 28. "I know there's a gas station on this road." "No sir, I'm sorry, we close down the bathrooms at 9pm." WTF? Don't people pee/poop after 9pm? Wasn't worth arguing. I wiggled (thighs together) back to the car - trudged on. "There's another McDonalds... and it still looks open." YES, I'll try.

Nope - locked doors. DAMMIT. It's getting serious now. No place really to hide - so - we went to the back of the McDonalds lot - I sat in my carseat facing outward. The #2 urge had gone but damn I hadta pee. Created my own little 'golden arch'- right there infronta the Hamburglar, Mayor McCheese and God. WHEW. Drove home. Twas fun to get out - even funner to watch people. We saw a couple damn near screwing at their table. So happened he was white, she was black. It's ok to tease ain't it? I told Gracie "right then and there they are gonna make a 'twist' baby!"...

Seen a young punk that had asked a gal to dance.. she refused.. He was awesome. Killer smile.. didn't get upset.. he walked back.. did a little seductive dance infronta her.. then slid on his knees up to her.. got up.. turned around.. wiggled his booty.. he tried and tried to get her to dance - and with each no the smile on his face got bigger, brighter. She never did dance with him but her and her friend snapped several photo's on their cell of the guy. She probably got home, bonked her forehead with her palm and said "What was I thinkin?!! Why didn't I dance with him?!"

A good night. I love people watching. I love being "anywhere but home" on a Saturday night. So I said to myself - What A Wonderful World. Happy Sunday - bye bye now.

Things you'd liketa say but can't...........

Recently we'd left a roundtable party - I'd participated in maybe 2% of the conversation amongst eight or nine of us.. After my departure, Jan remarked "that Victor is just so remarkably quiet." Yes, that I can be. I am sure I have friends who will say the opposite - I've always had a little smartass in me - and occasionally it (talking too much) eeks out amongst guys... but for the most part I'm a listener. Listening rocks, I think.

Better to be thought a fool than to open mouth and confirm it. Low self esteem? Perhaps in certain situations, yes. Is the brain always working? Yes. Am I always keenly awaiting the chance for a ten second stand-up comment? Yes. Do I feel left out because I don't contribute as much as others in conversation? No. Do I think any less of myself because I'm not the most frequent contributor? No.

Part of listening is occasionally talking to one's self and thinking of things you'd really like to say. Such as - here at work - "here _____, please use this Kleenex to wipe the brown off your nose.. it was buried for sometime up ____ _________'s ass."

The following are not planned, they're simply coming off the top of my head (That's "first tee" talk for it probably ain't gonna be funny, nonetheless - here goes.")

Do you Mormans own jeans?.... No.. no ketchup, I prefer my French Fries bland...
Hell YES I want my change back... Those things are amazingly perpendicular, are they real?....

No, it's Ok, I prefer listening to real loud people... To the ladies (sorry, it's true, the guy's nice, the ladies ain't!) who work the 'Service Counter' at the local Price Slasher "looky here lady, this is a f-in dollar bill. I choose where I spend it. You never smile when I walk up here - you always act like you're too GD uppity to wait on me. Nine times outta ten you don't say 'hi' after I do. I really think there should be a 'cob' inspection prior to you clocking in for this position."

Yes, absolutely I believe since your position is superior to mine it gives you every right to condescend.

YES.. I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOUR CALL! SIGN ME UP FOR A YEAR. I'll take the Aeration, Seeding, Grub control, Post-emergent Crabgrass control, Nutsedge control,
Disease control. I'm at 307 ___ Drive. (I live at 305 ___ Drive and the neighbor Kravat's lady grabbed my son's arm years back - I ain't talked to her since.)

No, it's ok, go ahead. I think it's completely normal to watch two men (or two women) sharing tongues. I like to keep my 7 year old guessing about life anyways.

To the free sample person at Price Slasher "Wow, these are REALLY good, would you mind if I had the entire tray?"...

Gee boss, thanks. Before my raise, I was really really worried about how I was going to afford the recent two-cent increase in postage to pay my bills.

Close ur ears Gracie. We've all had these thoughts at one point in our life: My, my, you've got a nice _____ (ass, pair, figure, face, bod, personality, seductive look, pair of eyes, etc) - would you be interested in a slumber party?

Ok - time for me to go to work. See? A lotta the above sounds angry. I ain't, I really ain't. I truthfully don't condemn gays - I just don't condone it for myself. I'm not wild about viewing a French kiss in public - it's just hard to understand. If my son, cousin, friend, etc, were to announce "I'm gay" - I'd love 'em the same. Just might be careful huggin' on 'em, but I'd love 'em the same.

The chicks at Price Slasher? It's really only a couple - and they truthfully are bitches - but they give all a bad name.

Mosta the time I enjoy listening more than talking. I find it highly educational. How much can one learn with their mouth open? Anything that comes out you already know, understand.

A penny for your thoughts. I know that ain't a great return on a quarter - but I'd love to hear of instances where you remain quiet - but would give anything to say ________________________. Please share that situation with us, I'd love to listen.
Happy Saturday, bye bye now.

Fun stuff to say........

But first... a word from our sponsor Hellmann's... Well, actually it's an email I received from Connie, timely too - thought worth sharing:

"Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled
for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.

This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost. The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day.

The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course,
as Sinko de Mayo."

Hehe, thanks Connie. Tis why I read emails first thing in the morning insteada getting yesterdays bills outta the mailbox!

Crap, crud, snotnose, whointhehell. Those are among the many I love to say - or hear. 'By crackie' is fun too... AFLAC. How many of you have - while driving or alone in your bedroom - tried to imitate that damn duck.? Don't you lie to me Kendra.

I've got an itchy itchy rash... Ya put the lime in the coconut and drink it all up... I can dig it, he can dig it, she can dig it, we can dig it, they can dig it, you can dig it - Oh, let's dig it. Can you dig it, baby?

Speakin' o Sinko de Mayo - they're scores aheada us with names and stuff. We have the mondane Ricky. They say Enrique. Steven. Estevan. Proper - stately - we're boring. La Mariposa beats the hell outta butterfly too. Rock band/mariachi band. Ok, we give. Cross the borders. Besides, your women are pretty as hell.

Who-yeah... Kiss my grits... Rainman-like "yeah"... and "I'm an excellent driver."

Saskatchewan... Twentynine Palms California... Tunica... Monsterrat Missouri (<-- yes, it's on Highway 50 - look closely next time)..

How Can You Have Any Pudding If You Don't Eat Your Meat?...

Ooooooooooooh, I love to dance a little side-step .. Now they see me, now they don’t, I’ve come and gone .. And, oooooooh, I love to sweep around the wide step ..
Cut a little swathe and lead the people on ..

Lemme boreya with somea the lyrics of onea my fav alltimes songs. I saw Ms. CJ had written a comment.. Her and I go waaaay back.. We usedta sing this one (along with the Temptations) at Sammy's back in "ought-six".. Ok, wasn't that long ago - but it was 1970..Yes, you young punks won't know this - and to read it doesn't do it justice. Song was aheada it's time:

People moving out, people moving in - Why, because of the color of their skin
Run, run, run but you sure can't hide... An eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth
Vote for me and I'll set you free - Rap on, brother, rap on...

Well, the only person talking about love thy brother is the preacher - And it seems nobody's interested in learning but the teacher.. Segregation, determination, demonstration, integration, Aggravation, humiliation, obligation to our nation - Ball of confusion Yeah, that's what the world is today - Woo, hey, hey..

The sale of pills are at an all time high -Young folks walking 'round with their heads in the sky -The cities ablaze in the summer time! And oh, the beat goes on - Evolution, revolution, gun control, sound of soul -Shooting rockets to the moon, kids growing up too soon - Politicians say more taxes, will solve everything! And the band played on

Eve of destruction, tax deduction, city inspectors, bill collectors - Mod clothes in demand, population out of hand, suicide, too many bills - Hippies moving to the hills
People all over the world are shouting, "End the war!" And the band played on..

Thanks - thanks for readin' that... Sometimes, the more things change, the more they stay the same. Is our world now not a Ball of Confusion?

God bless words. The Kansas City Chiefs #1 draft choice, Tamba Hali, escaped with his father - from war-torn Liberia when Tamba was ten. Even though a broken form of English is spoken in Liberia - Tamba said it was still like being a kindergartner in 5th grade when he got here. The power of words. It took him three years before he was able to sitdown and read an entire book. The kids who made fun of him those first days ended up being the ones to sit beside him and teach him to properly read/write English. I would bet he has a greater love/appreciation of words than many of us.. We've grown up with them - he strived to understand/learn/use them.

WHAT IS FUN FOR YOU TO SAY? Any favorite words like snickerfritz? Any favorite movie lines?... Sayings? Are you 'known' for a saying?

Tune in tomorrow when the topic will be "things you'd likea say but can't"... you know, stuff like: dickhead. be-atch.. or maybe "excuse me, would you lean over again?"

Come play in my sandbox - we can mold this clay (words) any the hell way we want. Life is good. Happy day, bye bye now.

Not your average country drive.....

I love "spins"... Even with the pricea fuel now being higher thana GD pound of ground beef - I still love spins. Ya getta see stuff you've never seen before... The eyeballs work like a camera - and since the goal is "to drive to nowhere" there's no stress.. no "hurry, we gotta be there by such-n-such time"... Spins rock.

THE SPIN OF A LIFETIME is the Road to Hana. Hana happens to be on the Keanae peninsula of Maui... No, I don't fart thru silk - but I did for many years usedta work for the airlines (United, Eastern, Braniff... and even US Air for a month or so) and a family of four could make the jaunt for under a hundred bucks.. Branson? Not no's but hells no's... Let's go to Hawaii... So we did.

Whatshername number one and I drove the road to Hana. It's a 52 mile uphill, hairpin turn after hairpin turn, bamboo jungles, more natural flowers than all the flowers Sam Walton owns nationwide, Eucalyptus groves - the ocean pounding away below - a waterfall cascading over lava rocks damn near every third turn -- ya just don't get this chance too many times in a lifetime. Your camera will feel like it's gonna explode - there is almost no way to paint a picture to describe it... Hell, George Harrison lived on Hana - he had enough money to live anywhere on the damn planet he wanted - but he chose there.

That first 'spin' was quite a few pounds ago. Hell I was sleek. Back then when I peeked in the mirror I was half as big turned sideways as I was facing it. Now, if it weren't for my ugly mug - it's the only way I know which way my torso is facing!

"Victor... you've talked about this road to Hana for a long time.. Yes, it sounds wonderful - and if it were just you and I - it'd be remarkable... but we have a two year old and an eleven year old with us... are you sure you want to undertake this?"
(Spin #2 to Hana)...

"Oh heck yeah.. kids will be ok... it'll be more than any damn lesson they could learn at school... Maynard won't know the difference between the Road to Hana and I-35, and Denton is old enough he'll simply enjoy the views..."

"I'm not so sure I want to try to navigate it." Hearing this, the wonderful stepson (and he truly IS), and ya can't blame, took his mom's side. Hell, I snuck in his life at age 5.. took attention away from him... I wasn't his dad... and "whointheheck are you to tell me what to do? I don't even know you." So, of course he chimed in - mimicked whatever whatshername said. Two against one for the spin. Being the hardheaded man I am... we were off...

"LOOK OVER THERE!!" as the mist from the waterfall softly drenched our car... "Victor - you're not watching the road.. one little error and we plunge thousands of feet down to smitherines" - "Ah.. I'm alright.. this is an easy drive."

The rental car was pointed 45 degrees uphill... the brakes were beginning to smell up a tad.. meeting a car could be hell.. especially if it was a local.. them sum'bitches have seen all the scenery scads of times.. "get outta my way" was the theme.

God's gardeners at work. Simply unbelievable. Whatshername's foot by now had damn near torn a hole thru the floorboard trying to hit "the other brake".. She was nearly in tears - which actually placed stepson in tears.. which of course, outdid Maynard so now he was in tears. All this wonderful, there-is-a-God scenery, gorgeous views from the bluff - and 75% of the car is crying. Holy shit. Scared mom was. Teamin' up - stepson was. Needing attention - Maynard was. All I wanted to do was take The Spin.

Hardhead versus 3 sobbers. Begging, pleading... I marched on.. Hoping, knowing it'd get better as the views, scenery SURELY would take hold. I think cuss words were starting to slip out between the "PLEASE TURN AROUND"s I was hearing. THIS IS HANA DAMMIT, WE'LL MAKE IT, COME HELL OR HIGH... plunge off the cliff!

Justabout the point I was considering trying to find a spot to turn around (the roads are narrow - meeting a car is scary - to say the least..) Maynard made the decision much, much easier as he decided this would be a wonderful time to demonstrate s'more o his projectile vomiting. Eww. 26 miles up the narrow, hairpin road we turned around. For 26 miles downhill, tempers nested quietly, sixed eyeballs glared at me saying "kill, kill, kill"... no one said a word, and 75% of us were drenched with puke.

I lost the vote. I pray one day I will make it back to try the spin again. If you don't have children (or perhaps don't have a wife) I strongly encourage the spin. I've never been to a prettier place in my life - and I doubt I ever will.

The other night I was at the laundry mat.. my appliances ain't worked since Clinton was in office.. it's an interesting place.. there was a mildly tarded lady.. two college kids.. and me.. The lady listened to the young men plan their future after college.. talking about this job... this goal... etc, etc... We each were listening...

After about an hour, she'd folded up all her goodies.. basket in arms she walked over to the lads.. spouted out "Don't ever have children." I damn near died laughing inside... As I finished up folding my crap - I thought about walking over and saying "and don't get married" but I didn't. Maybe some day the right situation will present itself to tackle the road to Hana again. Beats the hell outta Shoji Tabuchi.

What makes you happy?

I love seeing happy people... I love being happy... I oh so envy the folks that wear that everpresent smile - and seem to suckup every ounce of life... Some people, you can just sense by seeing someone across the room - "hey, I like them." They seem to 'get it.'

I really think surrounding one's self with happy people has an osmosis kinda affect - and it in turn makes the surrounded one happy. Leastwise, that's how I feel. Lord knows I spend too much time at the boat (casino) - but it's like a visit to a shrink, truly. Was a couple there last weekend - each had wedding rings on - and they were maybe early 30's so probably not newlyweds - but they looked at each other, smiled, as if it were their first date. She sat down at the blackjack table, he stood back and off to the side - but was there for support whenever she turned to get support. That made me happy - two people absorbed with each other.

If that wasn't enough... Another couple came later.. Late 20's maybe... The guy was paralyzed, only movement was with his head.. he spoke eloquently.. and was accompanied by a knock out wife who always had her arm on his.. she moved the chips for him.. she fed him Sprite by straw.. she did everything... Happy, that makes me happy.. Devotion for life at such a young age.. They had every reason to chose to be pissed - yet they went the other way... They were even losing and that didn't seem to damper the fun of life. Geez, how can I ever feel down again?

The other night at Happy Hour (holy shit Victor, is that all you do gamble and go to the bar?... Well, no Mr. Talkback, I sleep, I eat, I poop, I pee, I walk Jersey, I hang with Gracie... all kinds of other stuff you opinionated bastard.. so there!).. Where was I.. oh yeah, at the bar with co-workers.. Onea my friends was next to her boyfriend - and justabout the entire time - her hand was rubbing his thigh - not so much to say "hey baby, come home and take me" - but moreso "I like you and I like being next to you." Happy, that's happy.

And you? What sends tingles inside you? We're all perked by different stuff. Kendra cusses out the little automated voice when she orders a UPS pickup on the phone.. MEAN she talks - but it's clever, it's fun to listen to - it makes me happy.

Walking Jersey - her way to stop and smell the roses is to take a sudden, brief stop - find a nifty pad of grass.. turnover on her back and itch, rub and gyrate away. Why don't people do that? Looks fun.. Hell, we all have itchy spots on our backs.. next time I walk her - I think I'll try!

I hope this doesn't come across as sappy - but I love the first moment I see Gracie each day. Her engaging smile tells me "I'm happy to see you - I enjoy being with you" and it permeates happiness thru me. Thanks Gracie, and I mean that.

Leonard, the wonderful old fart here at work. Whenever I enter the room with him - he turns 100% attention to me.. Usually there's a tease coming - but I sheepishly enjoy the attention - he makes me feel good - and that makes me happy. I in turn try to make him laugh. Banter I guess they call it.

Little stuff. Seen an old man and an old lady - he with suit coat, she in the kinda flowered dress that personifies "granny" walking down the street. They're out there sucking up happiness - because they know the sun is going down on life - probably considered being slowed by age as a good thing so they wouldn't miss anything along the way. Happy - couldn't see their faces - but you could just tell they were happy.

Happiness is kinda like paint. Ya get near the brush of happiness - you're liable to be painted happy too. It makes me happy that there are those upon occasion who come here. Happiness too is a choice. I keep referring to Buck O'Neil - but damn what lessons in life he provides. Buck is the feller - now 94 - happened to be black so he happened to not be able to play in the major leagues --- was a stellar player in the old Negro baseball leagues - then a manager -- finally once Jackie Robinson broke the barrier - Buck became the first black coach in the Majors. The name of his book? "I was right on time." Recently, in spite of a humongous email/letter campaign to induct him into the Baseball Hall of Fame - he came up short votes. Everyone was incensed - everyone that is except Buck. "Kansas City is my Hall of Fame... I'm the luckiest man alive." Holy crap. Thanks for the lessons Buck - I promise not to complain about life for at least two more blogs!

Happiness is when you're reading one's blog - you start to nod off because he just keeps going on and on and on and finally he says....... Happy day... (and I MEAN happy day)... bye bye now!

Stolen from this little diddie we get every morning...

It's a fax thingy with ads, but at times they have cute stories/jokes... I liked this one..

Today is the 75th anniversary of the official opening, dedication of the Empire State Building. (That - to me is pretty amazing)... The Fax Times joke today:

A country bumpkin family decides to go to the Big Apple for the first time. Dad, Mom & Son go into the Empire State Building. As they're walking around they notice the elevator. Never seeing one before they stand in front of it, bewildered.

While staring at it, a very old woman pushes the button. The door opens, she walks slowly inside and the door closes.

The family watches the numbers for each floor light as it goes up, then watch the lights as it goes down.

The door finally opens and out walks a tall, beautiful blonde woman.

The Dad looks at his son and says "Quick boy, shove your Maw in there!!"

Laugh dammit, I liked it.

A flappin' like crazy... goin' nowhere...

I've started this friggin blog three times... I love the ability to type, left click the mouse - wipe out all that shit... but.. just to type it (even if erased) is a good, therapeutic thing.

I typed everything that's wrong in my life - tried to reason as to why I avoid a lot of it, then erased all that shit out!

I typed everything that's keeping Maynard in a hole - tried to reason on how to get him a ladder to get outta that shit - then erased it!

I typed about Gracie - all the goings on in her life - thinking what I could do to help... then erased it!

Why, WHY do we (and we ALL do it) sometimes not meet problems head on? I'll tell you why - because it's temporarily a whole lot easier to pretend the problems ain't there - so, the load on our back becomes heavier and heavier and it makes it that much more difficult to climb life's hills.

Wow, that was some depressing shit eh? Yeah, reckon so.. Not every blog can be about "Oscar".. or "Peeing"... or sex.. or Herbert.. or Hostas.. or "Wonderful World"... some gotta include the down-stroke of the rollercoaster..

At work the other day - windy as hell.. Co-worker pointed toward the sky.. "LOOK AT THAT BIRD!... LOOK!... It's so GD windy, he's flappin' his wings like crazy - trying to fly in the direction the wind is coming from - and he's absolutely not going ANYWHERE!"... It was true.. Kinda funny, yet perhaps symbolic.

Next break outside at work - the bird was nowhere to be seen. Did the wind in his life die down? Did he say "fuck it" and turn around and fly back where he came from?

Lord grant us the ability to fight the wind.. remain full steam ahead.. take one step forward - even if on this day the wind knocks us three steps back.. Grant us the ability to know "one day the wind will die down." And Lord, since this blog sometimes DOES try to be funny, please turn your head for a moment - (whispering) "and please grant us the ability to continue to fly - allowing us to occasionally shit from above on somea them grumpy ones!"

If you're on a "treadmill" in life... on a Moped on the Interstate.. taking one step forward only to get knocked back three - remember someone loves you - including me.. and that some day the wind will die down - making it a whole lot easier to manuever toward whomever you'd liketa shit on.

Happy day, bye bye now.