This and that about this.........

The last entry was about impactive statements said to us that are forever etched in our brains. (RAE, thanks for your kind words and I'm so glad one of your forever remembered statements was a very, very positive one!)......

I forgot one....
Roughly twenty years ago... I held my newborn son in his tightly wrapped blanket... I'd gone to high school with one of the physicians there - he happened by, saw me holding 'Maynard' and he said "wow Vic, you're a GREAT dad!".. I'll never forget that, nor will I forget my reply.. "Thanks Doc, but check back with me in twenty years - we'll see." Fast forward twenty years. Maynard's spent virtually all of the last two years married to PlayStation 2, and suredly finely combing his resume. Yes, tongue in cheek. So you ask of how I feel about that "prophetic statement" from twenty years ago now? I'm mixed - I have some idea as to why my son doesn't have a very active relationship with his mother - and because of that, perhaps I use avoidance behavior in not showing the fortitude to shove him from the nest out into the real world.. BUT... I haven't killed him either! Somewhere down there, there's a good heart but MAN has he said some things to me that've truly made me think about packing up, getting the hell outta Dodge and never looking back. If I'm still writing this stupid thing in 5-10 years, I pray I can have a blog bragging "MY SON ACTUALLY TURNED IN A 1040 TO THE IRS!!!!"......

Checkenginelight was started because my own life kinda resembles my '93 Ford Taurus... One thing after another has happened, and jussssst when you think things are back on track, the checkenginelight comes on.. Car update: Son ka-wammied a car in the parking lot of Phillips 66 not long ago - so, a portion of the front bumper is missing. Not half bad I guess. Now.. the brake light is on... I can't change the name to brakelight - for that kinda means an end.. and I hope I've gotta few more years in me.. Anyways, the checkenginelight still periodically comes on and I guess it's a message from God or Henry (Ford) to stop and take heed of one's life (or car).... the Taurus actually growls at me when it's idling - but it still coughs and chokes it's way to work daily... It's kinda messy too... Man is there some semblance.

Speakin' o chokin'... I've had two near death experiences. (GOOD LORD THIS MAN HAS GONE LUNATIC ON US!.... What's next? UFO's in the backyard?)... Well, no... but's it's kinda sorta true.. Gracie was visiting her father at a hospital down by The Lake (that's the Ozarks to you non-Missourians)... I'd driven her down - and she'd decided to stay and snag a ride home from her brother...

I would drive straight from the lake some 2 and 1/2 hours to make it to work... I was going in at noon... Burger King, some 8 miles from work.. I grabbed a French Fry, put it in my mouth as I turned back onto the ramp to the Interstate.. noticed some Type A person within inches of my bumper behind me.. and I choked on the French Fry.. I remember choking, I remember as I tried like crazy to get some oxygen "I can't get any oxygen." Then there was the sensation-like of being underwater (Katy-Bar the door, this sonofabitch HAS flipped out on us) and the next thing I remember, I'm sitting in a grassy knoll (hmmm).. exactly 40' below the ramp where I just was... exactly twelve inches from a humongous concrete ravine... and I was breathing. (I can't remember the French fries ending - whether it went down or ended up somewhere on the floorboard.)... Anyways, I was scared shitless. No, not because I stopped breathing - but because I had gained Debbie's trust and I had just veered off the on-ramp, plummeted 40 some feet STRAIGHT DOWN.. and there I sat. Not a sole stopped to help. I imagined there was some "did you see that fucking old geezer? he just flew off the ramp, down the hill...whyinthefuck do we continue to stamp their plates year after year?"... Victor, this paragraph is too long... start another... Ok.

So, there I was.. Clothes dry (no pee, no completely soaked from the 'underwater' experience.. I got out, looked around the car. This is a nice, newer car. Years from having the checkenginelight come on. Anyways, no visible damage so I pulled it onto the outer road and into a church parking lot to re-inspect... Outta all that, all I found was a few chunks of grass embedded in the front bumper from when the car hit the gully and abruptly went from due South to dead North. Gracie was wonderful about it.. I'd wondered if there were any out there that might notta even mentioned it.. but I knew I had to... A few weeks later, the AC quit working (oh shit).. A month later, Gracie was putting makeup on during her drive from work. (Why do women do that? Also wonder why do women always announce when they go pee?).. Anyways, makeup - so she pulled the visor down.. opened it.. Hot damn... I guess when I hit the gully (due South to dead North) my head musta hit the visor/mirror because it was cracked in about three places. (Hell, that probably coincided with the demise of the French Fry.) Again, she was cool...

My second near death experience... (SCREW YOU... I am NOT ready for assisted living yet!).. New Year's Eve... I had had a total of exactly two beers,ie, not drunk. I'd had bronchitis so I'd been choking and coughing in concert with the '93 Taurus... I remember standing - Gracie was seated - and I remember coughing so hard that I again had trouble getting oxygen and thought to myself "I'm having trouble getting oxygen." It wasn't a classic 'fall'. I kinda went limp (NO, there is no correlation to my sex life here... screw you!).. anyways... limp.. slowly to knees... soon to be followed by laying flat on the floor... I wasn't 'underwater' but I woke up quickly and there staring at me was Gracie and Kent.. She'd hollered for help and it was there in a flash.. I was absolutely fine when my eyes opened... I am 'new' to this group. Whilst I went to high school with several of them - they all have maintained weekly contact since - I hadn't... So.. as I pulled myself up to the barstool Joy asked "Victor... Victor.. are you Ok?... Can we get you ANYTHING?"... My brain musta been still short on oxygen cause I replied "yeah.. a do-over?"...

I wish that were the end of that story but the next time we went to those sunsabitches house - there - finely adorned behind "The Bar" were two pictures.. One showed some guy demonstrating the "Universal Choke" signal (both arms covering the throat) and the other was a descriptive picture of the Heimlich. Well, I guess I earned it..

Before you kiss me off and never read this weirdo's site again - I don't recall anything about Near Death Experience II as I couldn't get my breath.. How boring.. I wish there were a good punchline here.. or a moral.. such as perhaps "always place French Fries in your mouth sideways (not longways)" but I can't thinka nuthin.

I guess all I have in common with choking is the KU Jayhawks. (Sorry Catom!).. Happy Sunday to all..........