Brain cells and emails....

Throughout our lifetime, so so many words heard are acknowledged, then go right out the ears. So many words in our life - yet, only a few really really are recouped, latched onto and never forgotten. Some are ill - some are kudos.. some are rather meaningless - but for some reason not forgotten.

"It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog." Rod White, 8th grade PE teacher/coach.... That saying has done more for me over the years than perhaps any other.. Back then, it was winged at a scrawny red-headed semi-athletic left-handed freckle faced snotnose.. and it was about competing with those who are physically superior - but it has followed me and it rings true in the business world, and in virtually any venture one undertakes. It's allowed me to challenge with "why?" It's given me the courage to know my opinion can count, and to allow me to believe "I am valuable."

"Baby brother."... The last days of my sister's battle against cancer - she was given morphine to ease her of her pain.. Among her last legible words, she said this as I walked in her hospital room... she'd raised her shoulders off the bed.. looked and smiled and said "baby brother." Perhaps the greatest thing ever said to me.. It was a deduction from her shoes of our lifelong sibling relationship. How is it possible to hurt so bad yet feel so good? (Each of us.)

"Chicken... Chicken... Victor is a chicken." Summer of 1969. Said by the father of one of my high school mates. I got to know this guy thru his son, and also from umpiring with him. His son was All-this and All-that in football, the father apparently saw I had some athletic ability - but I'd never played organized football - thus "Chicken..... chicken... Victor is a chicken." I never ever replied to him. If you have recouped any of the crap written below - somewhere in there it's written I had a hydrocele. That's an enlarged testicle I had since birth - and for that reason my family physician refused (My Freshman year, My Sophomore year, My Junior year) to sign my physical form for football. I wanted to scream at this man "YOU SONOFABITCH, I WANT TO PLAY BUT HE WON'T LET ME." So... I went to a different Doctor for my senior year - lo and behold this guy signed off... Like Al Bundy I played High School football.. but I never called this anus an anus. Long about the 7th game of the season, I broke my wrist arm-tackling a guy in practice. Arm tackling is fancy for "you chickenshit, stick your helmet/shoulder pads in there and HIT the guy" so, maybe that cocksucker was right! Anyways, I played.

"I'm not so sure I want to have you in my life." I won't expound, but I'm not sure if I've ever recuperated from that one. And no, it wasn't either of the ex's!

"You're not the typical 50 year old man." Ok, self gloat, so close your damn ears if you want.. I didn't say it... SHE did. One of the crazy things I did in my four "post Marilyn" years of separation was to meet some gal online.. Talk for awhile online.. talk for awhile on the phone... then agree to meet. No, that's not crazy, but the fact she lives in Tampa, FL (me near Kansas City) and we picked Biloxi, MS to meet was crazy. Or was it? It was a very nice weekend - and comfortable as hell with her.. Over and over she repeated "you're not the typical 50 year old man." I think we both knew our lives would probably never intertwine again, so, for one weekend - we simply immersed ourselves in enjoying the beach, New Orleans, dining, drives.. that stuff. (Damn you gotta dirty mind you do!).. Anyways, for someone who'd "been down so long it looked like up to me" I drove home as cocky as a rooster. I needed that, I'll always remember that, and I cherish having that in my obdulla oblongata.

"Wow, that guy is a good first baseman." Said by father, and I'm sure he didn't remember it - but I did. For our Podunk sized town, I was pretty decent playing first base. From age 9 to age 17, no matter what team I was on, I played first base. I thought I did it fairly well, but then we always seem to have a higher opinion of our self than many do. Well, American Legion baseball my junior year - some shit moved in from Illinois - a year older - and guess what, he played first base. NOT ME, him. I was devastated. "Wow, that guy is a good first baseman" was said upon attending the first game I ever started in Left Field. While it truly hurt at the time - it was a pretty decent lifelong lesson that "ya know, sometimes ya just don't always win." Doesn't mean you're a bad first baseman, worker, student, job applicant, spouse, father, whatever.. but sometimes "ya just don't win."

Why "Brain Cells and emails"? Because, the more we age, the more total crap we've heard in our life that passes right on thru the brain.. And emails - well, the printed word is indelible. Backspacing when writing someone is a wonderful feature. Hitting "sent" sometimes is fatal. Sure, I've winged some stuff I regret - and I've been on the receiving end of stuff I'd rather not read - but I will always remember.

I'm one of those "saying" kinda guys I guess. Around my world (work cubicle) in addition to a picture of a two-story outhouse (top floor labeled MU fans, bottom floor labeled KU Fans) I have sayings. "Transportation is like umpiring. You must start out perfect, then get better."......... "Losing hurts more than winning feels good".... I wish I could remember the exact words - but one of the sayings I have on the wall is to the effect (or is that affect, I always get them sons-a-bitches confused) "Sometimes the best things to say go unsaid." Holy shit what a world this would be if there was no "wait a minute" before I really say that aloud. (Unfortunately, there are some out there who never learn this lesson.) Isn't it great to think what you really want to say and have the kutzpah to not say it? Sure, we all screw up. We all must mend fences.

I can proudly say I don't think anyone in my nuclear family (Father, Mother, Sister) has ever with intent said something harmful to me. And I believe the same to be true of me to them. No, not perfection, but I consider myself pretty damn lucky to have landed into the family I had.

What about Sony? Oops, sorry, I get that commercial stuck in my brain. What about you? (Hello McFly... McFly.... Buehler.... Ferris Buehler... is there anyone out there?).... What's some stuff that's been said to you that you will never forget? If damaging, how have you dealt with it? I'd love to see inside your brain.