Exhaustion……

Can u think of the times in your life when you’ve been exhausted?

Sure, it can be the evening you weeded the flower garden, mowed the entire yard on a 98 degree day… Cleaned the house - every inch of it - with CD’s blaring in the background to motivate your old butt. (sorry!)…

Could be work has gotten you stressy… The boss wants more, you’ve already given the max, and you’re like Ralphie when he dropped the lugnuts…”FUUUUUUUUUUUdge”…. On edge, spent, needing a rest, wanting a tiny pat on the back…

Could be anything that gets your psychy… A concert you’ve organized for ten friends - an counted the days leading up to… A special coming event for a child.. .a sibling.. A parent.. A loved one… a great friend.. When it’s finally past (although you enjoyed the whole damn ride) the combination of nerves, want to do good, physical work, and perhaps playing host or hostess - has left you drained. Exhausted.

A loved one in a sick way. Visits. Moral support in low times. Painting a chipper face to combat not-so-good prognosis. Draining. Tiring. Spent. You fall into bed.

Christmas. December 26th has go to be the biggest “PHEW” day there is. Did I buy enough? Were the gifts right? Was the meal enjoyed by all? Did Uncle Tom and Cousin Eddy get along ok?… Did we spoil the little ones that need to be spoiled enough?

Then new job. First day. You try to fit in, stay behind the scenes. FINALLY time to go home. You made it. You feel like collapsing. They never knew. You were on edge. You smiled amidst the I HATE THIS. The whole day you thought about your living room, plopped down infronta the TV - and how much safer you’d feel. But you can’t.. You hadta. You made it. Sleep by 8pm. Exhausted. Drained.

There is a gist to all this. Ok, I won’t keep it a secret. I have been down this exhaustion road so many damn times… You meet someone… it’s incredible… You wait for their next phone call.. Their next touch.. Their next email… You check yahoo/hotmail every seven minutes… I don’t have a cell.. .but those that do… I’m sure you hold and peek, just to make sure you haven’t missed THE CALL.

Wonder is incredible. Dreams of a gorgeous tomorrow can makeya feel like you just finished the Boston Marathon… in a wheelchair…

Your mind aches because it can’t focus on work. It’s dangerous to drive because your view of the road is skewed… You are SO up, it’s gotten you physically, mentally spent.

I’ve been down this path before. I accept the fact for all times it didn’t quite workout. I understand sometimes it just ain’t meant to be. I can handle Goldilocks saying “you’re just too - whatever.”

The exhilaration for the potential of tomorrow sucks the livin’ bajeebies outta ya. Is it worth it to get this excited, walk around like an idiot with a smile on your face, visualizing one, two years down the road if all is good?

Fuckin’ A Ray it is.

Looking at the weeded flower garden, even though you’re too tired to untie your GD tennis.. Is it worth it? Of course.

Arriving in your driveway, eyelids fighting to close. You’ve left your friend/loved one at the hospital, covering your worry with smiles/feel goods. Do it again tomorrow? You’re GD right you will.

Christmas AGAIN at your place next year? Sure.. You’ve visions of all that happened stuck in your brain forever. Photos/video capture the good. Celebrate those that are there - you just never know from one year to the next.

Pulling in the drive after day one on new job, a smile HASTA friggin’ creep out. “Tomorrow, I won’t be the center of attention. I WILL fit in. I WILL be onea them.” Of course.

As an old fart, communicating with one whom you really really enjoy the communication. Exhausting. Exhilarating. Tiring. Fun. Scary. Been down this lane before. Guarded, yet yippee kai yai. Thoughts turn to tomorrow whilst your body/mind hurt from today. They’ve given their all. You’re too damn old to carve the intials VS + RK into a tree, yet you’d love to.

Hope is very tiring. To yearn is to run a marathon. To fast forward the video tape of life will make your eyes go bad, and perhaps cause hurt.

Sorry to have gotten so personal. All I know is I’m one tired/exhausted mo-fo. I’m reminded of eating at El Sombrero, my favorite Mexican joint. Each and every time I depart there after a meal, I spout out “I hurt good.”

If you’ve been here the entire GD time I’ve written, first thought that comes to mind is WHY? Second thought is you thinking “ohhhhh, here we go again.”

I’ve probably sent 46 goofy THIS IS IT emails to friends/relatives over the past years…Each and every one fun, exhilarating, exhausting.

In sales, every “no” puts you that much closer to “yes.” I don’t know if this is a “yes” but I’m enthralled/excited/exhausted/inspired about the potential.

Of course, to get hopes up, only to be letdown is even perhaps more tiring. I suppose I could live life away swinging on the porch swing, never venturing into ‘gamble.’

Can’t. I’ve got to believe (and it’s what keeps me going) “I’ve yet to be in the best relationship I’ve ever been in.” Those of you that are in relationships - make ‘em even deeper. Think of what you can do to show your appreciation for your man/woman. PLEASE borrow from usn’s that ain’t gotta better half - WE’RE ENVIOUS BECAUSE YOU DO! (and happy for you.) So, let that person know how lucky you feel.

If you’re looking/waiting, and there ain’t no exhausting times… ya just never know. What’d Allen Funt say? “When you least expect it.”

Four weeks from now I might not even remember the email address or the phone number, but for now, I’m tired as hell about the possibilities. Tis a good thing, even if it ain’t Goldilocks-like.

May you someday push your bod/your brain/your love/your ‘do good’/your hope for tomorrow - that you will be spent. Exhausted. Asleep two minutes after your buns hit the mattress.

Loveya, Victurd