That spike thing........

Ever go to an old-fashioned restaurant - eat the good stuff, pay your bill and they take your 2 inch by 5 inch piece-a paper and gingerly plop it on "the spike"... that longass nail looking thing with a base that holds it up?

Reckon at the end of the day they take all the "wounded" receipts off and sum up the day.

My spike:

1) Always pick a shuffleboard partner that is at least as good (if not better) than you.

2) Remember to fill up gallon jugs in trunk with water when your car is continually overheating.

3) If you own pets, and are reliant upon your son or daughter to make sure they are put out several times a day - carry a clothespin in your car for when you walk in after work.

4) Don't talk about Iraq, the price of gas, or our youth with someone you don't know very well.

5) If you see someone you might be interested in, have the GD (gosh darn) courage to get off your duff and say something. Anything. I once heard "heavy penguins" works. They look at you like you're nuts.. then you say "you know... icebreakers." I've always sucked in this role. She'd have to sit RIGHT NEXT TO ME to strike up a conversation. Swing and a miss tonight.

6) If the lady you see at the gas place every morning tells you "gas is going up" - fill up. I didn't, and tomorrow it will be $2.27/gal vs. $2.14 this morning.

7) If you've played golf for 34 years and your score is exactly the same as the day you started, give the MO-FO up.

8) Promise to start the next day with a quest to find "The Perfect Mate" or "doggie-Certs". I love Smokey (The Yorkie) like crazy, but I ain't sure how many more days/nights I can stand his breath sharing my waterbed.

9) I've noticed some shit. I don't get emails unless I initiate 'em. I don't get smiles/jokes back unless I initiate 'em. I don't get friendship back unless I initiate demonstrating being a friend. I don't know how someone feels about me until I tell that person how I feel about them. (I make one exception to this rule... my lifelong best friend: Sanford. The little bastard... it's been 30+ years since we were in High School together - and he hasn't dialed my number in all those years. When we do connect, it's as if the year is 1970, or 1982, or whatever, as if we'd not missed a moment. I'll trade him not calling for that constant/for sure friendship. The bastard.) Editor's note: All is good... I know ANON loves me.

10) If you ever have the notion to figure this thing called life out - don't EVER start a blog.

11) Lord knows we have enough trouble to keep from saying the things we'd really like to say... I challenge you to say things that might bring you to tears. Get off yourass and call that friend from where you worked in 1995 and tell them you miss them, and you wondered how life is. Lookup your favorite teacher's name in phone book and simply tell them they were your favorite teacher before they depart this earth. Call your brother or sister and tell them "ya know.. .I was sitting here thinking about the time we ________"... Contact someone who's legally out of your life - but still inside your heart (ie. inlaws - maybe best friend of ex) and tell them "Ya know, I know it will never be the same, but I cared for you.. .and I just wondered how things were going?"

12) Stay the fuck away from blogs from sentimentalists.