Free Sammy........

Once upon a time, roughly 19 sets of broken New Year's Resolutions ago, there was this exceedingly handsome, nice, friendly man.... and his wife.....

Said couple had one year earlier produced a rough and ready lad... This lad wasn't supposed to ever come about - as said wife had some pretty severe difficulties bearing her first child... but rough and ready came... and the exceedingly handsome, nice friendly man thought wife's father would be tremendously upset. He was (I heard) but he never said anything to the father...

Said couple decided to officially bring an end to childbearing.. and the discussions were tubal ligation, hysterectomy and vasectomy. Since 'the wife' had such difficulties with son #1.. and #2 (rough and ready) was a C-Section baby... the exceedingly handsome, nice, friendly man mostheartedly volunteered to have his scrotum cut on...

With one condition....

When said scrotum had been butchered, and doc beckons this exceedingly handsome, nice,friendly man back in for a sperm count.. said wife would agree to "assist" in gaining the sample.

Agreed. No handshake necessary, said exceedingly handsome, nice, friendly man since he and 'the wife' were a married couple. Word was word. Period.

Said exceedingly handsome, nice, friendly man drove to the doc that day... taking side street after side street.. for some reason the wheels just were not fully willing to pull into Dr's office lot.. as procedure was to be performed there...

Finally arrived.. checked with the nurse... Murmured the normal low pitch murmur about why exceedingly handsome, nice, friendly man was there... and awaited his name being called. "The wife" rode along to drive home - but she would not be a party to observing the 'nutcutting.' Said exceedingly handsome, nice, friendly man thought she would gain too much joy from watching the procedure... just having the nads worked on was punishment enough (he said) for her difficult pregnancies..

Called in.. shaved down... Two nurses and a doc.. said exceedingly handsome, nice, friendly male drawers around his ankles... and they there were... out there for all to observe.. The procedure, I've heard, went fairly swiftly.. The old town doctor tried for a "ha-ha" as he pulled a 1/2 long piece of vas deferens out for the exceedingly handsome, nice, friendly chap to see and said "aha, spaghetti!" but when one is in a nutcutting procedure, tis not a time for funny ha-ha's, or so I would think.

Door opens, exceeding handsome, nice, friendly male shuffles out.. to the passenger seat.. and on into the house... not too bad after all.. or so I've heard.

As the pain downplayed from great - to awful - to disconcerting - to bothersome - to unnoticeable... the 30 days were suddenly up... and the note in the mail said "Come hither, and bring your Sammies."

Said exceedingly handsome, nice, friendly man said to "the wife": "Ok, let's go." "The wife" responded "nah... I don't think I will do that." This was simply one notch below the marital covenant, and said exceedingly handsome, nice, friendly man was exceedingly upset with "the wife" or so I heard.

Red-facedly, said exceedingly handsome, nice, friendly man enters the bathroom, ALONE, toting his Sammy jug. Fan on, water running, bathtub going, said red-faced exceedingly handsome, pissed off husband did what he knew every man that has walked the face of the earth has done. Allotment accrued. Fan off. Sink off. Bathtub off. (No more off's to talk about.)

Red-facedly exceedingly handsome, nice but pissed off male walked down the stairs, sample in hand.

"The wife" looks.... smiles... and spouts... "So... do you feel like a cigarette?"

Funny ha-ha, or so I've heard.