Yeah, sorry, I suck don't I. I envy them bastards that are pressed with deadlines... GOTTA come up with a feature story by such-n-such PM for tomorrow's paper... Nomme... I sit here, I absorb the day... I maybe have a beer... I write when I wanna... YES, YES, YES....
Today could be the most exciting day of my life... but we'll see... and I promise to share later....
Driving... Can we switch to that? That wasn't the plan on the brain as I drove home... but when I plopped my butt down here, I forgot whatinthehell I was gonna write about....
Your driving style? Are you, Type A, ONLY the left lane, get upon theirass until they pull over, flash the headlights if they don't.... Average? Normal distance from pack, speed limit, maybe a mile or two over... Cautious... VERY DEFINITELY one car length for every ten MPH of the one in fronta ya. <- that's me.
I've been cussed in snowstorms... I don't give a rats... I ALWAYS make it, knock on wood.
Do you put on eyeliner as your left thigh controls the steering wheel?.... Do you talk on the phone incessently, oblivious to the next curve, normal slowdown, readied lane change?
Do you, stick your little finger in your ear... then pull it out and LOOK at it? I mean like whatinthehell... are you judging the wax content? Eww....
I've been married to VERY GOOD, but somewhat domineering ladies. I've stated in these goofy dating websites "I want someone, whom when a car pulls out infronta them, they simply take a deep breath and move on."
Well... I guess I do that... Unless it appears the guy did what he did with intent.. then I may follow his ass for awhile... (try to determine if he can whip up on a 52 yr old... or if perhaps he looks like the type to have a concealed weapon)....
Driving is interesting.... I had an Aunt that drove from STL to KC in left lane, 60 MPH (speed limit 70) for the entire 4 hour trip...
Invariably, I'll get behind the g-pa that has his left turn signal on for 62 miles...
I think dweebs get road rage the easiest... They are squished on at home by their wives, so... they feel vindicated when they get out there in the open road and are on equal terms with others. I feel their being baffled at home can rub off on them being superfuckinghero on the road.
And another thing.... before I tell this one, I hope you remember my love for Herbert Washington and Bert McGinnis... I really really ain't prejudiced... It seems, whever you see someone going 65 in the left lane on a 70 MPH highway, it frequently can be an African American woman. I talk to myself in those instances... and I understand. Even after all we've overcome, they still have the racial hurdle to jump, and they are female on top of that. Tis Ok bebbe... Take that left lane, I don't blame you one iota....
My principal... remember? The lady who gave my salary review and said 9 wonderful things before bringing up the one thing I very badly needed to work on? She was perfect. Yes, I am naive, but she was the closest thing to a perfect person I ever met. When I interviewed with her... after a number of questions she came up with "What is your philosophy on Education?"... I thought and I thought... I tried remembering whateverinthehell the going speal was on it.. .and I repeated that... She then told me... "You know... mine is... to treat each child as if he/she were your own." (Did you ever squirm and feel one-upped?... what she said rocked... and she lived it... I was lucky to work for her..)
Anyways, Irene (the PERFECT principal) and I... sped out one day to checkout the camp we were going to take the entire 6th grade to camp to for an overnight... This was like in April... and I'd managed to build up my evaluation of said principal to around a 120% score...
Holy shit. She got behind the wheel... and I thought to myself... "Our Father, who art in Heaven"... She tailgated... she passed... she swerved... she did virtually everything to almost make me pee my pants.... Twelve miles into the trip I blurted "I KNEW IT."... "I JUST KNEW IT."........
"What, you knew what?" she came back with. "I just KNEW you weren't perfect... and while I'm a little disappointed.. I too am somewhat comforted by that."
She laughed, we made it... and I never/ever rode with her again.
My favorite driving story has Eddie Murpy at the wheel, little Stevie Wonder in the passenger seat. Stevie pulled out his harmonica and began an awesome rendition of "Fingertips".... Eddie, as only Eddie could say.. looked at Stevie and said "Shit, you wanna impress ME Stevie? Take the wheel."
Keep 'em between the lines.......
1 comment:
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