El presidente, Kansas City, Gay Liberation Society

Well Victor, if you come load airplanes for us, we'll pay you $13,477 more per year than what you are making teaching school. To quote Butthead... "Ahm, Ok."

There we were, a conglomeration of new hires and transfers into Kansas City for Eastern Airlines.... We're talking early 1980's... (I know these stories get old from so long ago, so chill out... and think about what your body looked like in the mirror in the early 1980's, that should help matters!)..

"Throw suitcases for six months, and you can fly anywhere in our system for $6 coach, $12 first class. "Ahm, Ok."

Former Braniff workers... former railroad workers... Eastern transfers - mainly from Miami... a very nice mix - and we all basically got along... This job was sweet.. you killed your body for probably a total of 2 and 1/2 hours per day, and played Spades, Hearts, Dominos, watched TV, whateveryouwanted to do the remainder.

Herbert Washington. Ok, those of you reading that - I'm certain first thing that comes to your mind is African American. Yes, Herbert is. If you could pick one person on this planet you would consider "THE nicest person I know"... "THE person I would trust until the end of the world".... it was Herbert.

Herbert, early 40's, had put in a lengthy career with Braniff. They went belly up, so... after losing his 20 years of retirement, he decided to start from scratch with Eastern. Although 40-something, his work ethic had the spunk of an early 20's man. Courteous, calm, I can't speak highly enough of him.

Herb liked to tease though... We had 8 minutes left to load out a flight to Atlanta.. the plane obviously had more goodies (mail, freight, baggage) to load than it's belly could hold. Herb sent 'rookie' "EJ" down to United to see if we could borrow their "belly stretcher." Uh huh, right. But EJ fell for it... went to United.. .the guys there suredly knew Herbert - and countered with "No, dangit, I'm sorry, we loaned out the belly stretcher to Delta."... Off EJ went.. Delta sent EJ to Northwest.. the Northwest guys just laughed their ass off, and EJ returned to the flight as it was 'powering out'... sweating profusely, he eyed Herbie and Herbie had the big ole shit-eatin grin on his face.. "got another."

YES YES YES...... Six months in... Screw it, we're splurging ($12 first class to Orlando versus the $6 coach...)... Spouse, stepson, son, me... that's only $24 more.. yes, let's do it!

Dressed in our Sunday best.. we strolled up to flight 274... all looked good. Booked 80% full... appeared we wouldn't even have to separate, and we could sit by our kiddos, 10, and barely 1.

White-knuckled, I am that whilst flying, but the crew was awesome... even when the little turd's ears started hurting from the altitude... a little over two hours later we landed in the hometown of Mickey.

Magic Kingdom, Epcot, Universal Studios. Seaworld... even us old farts could hardly wait...

Orlando's airport had these flat, circular baggage belts that protruded out roughly 30' from the opening they sent them thru.... We waited and we waited... No recognizable luggage... Finally we see our biggest suitcase coming thru the straps, onto the belt in front of the still remaining 80 or so passengers...

Yep, signs of Herbie. There, perfectly stood upright were six consecutive suitcases adorned with GIGANTIC labels "VIC (whats-his-last-name) PRESIDENT OF THE KANSAS CITY GAY LIBERATION SOCIETY".... The bastard! I hustled the bags off the belt.. mighta even pinched whatshername on the butt just to attest "huh-uh, IT AIN'T SO" to all the waitee's still standing around. No matter, I'm certain they gotta big kick out of it... I was mad but also glad to see our bags, all at the same time. "Paybacks are hell" I thought to myself.

We did Mickey, collected small broken up shells along the beach, all (in spite of all that cream crap for protection) got burnt like crazy, loved SeaWorld, Universal (especially the Back to Future ride), hated (I did) the GD (gosh darn) rollercoaster at Disney that is inside, completely dark (I just KNEW I was gonna meet my maker in the form of a steel girder, no matter how taught I held my head.)

$48 later, back in KC. For those of you mathematically challenged ones, that's the little turd, his brother, their mom and me, planting our butts in First Class back home to KCI.

Being a longtime proponent of the school of thought "I can dish it out, but I can't take it" I hadta come up with a plan for Mr. Shit-eatin'-grin Herbert.

That next week, sometime during our 5 and 1/2 hours of "down time" I managed to come about a few pages of Eastern Airlines Company letterhead." I typed away:

Dear Mr. Herbert Washington:

You have always been an exemplary employee for Eastern Airlines. Your attendance has been absolutely perfect, you get along well with co-workers.However, cameras we installed locally have captured you defacing customer property (My friggin family's suitcases!)..

In spite of your exemplary record, this behavior means immediate termination. Effective 12:00pm, 8/26/1986, you are no longer an employee for Eastern Airlines.

I explained the whole situation to my cool supervisor Marty Lowen, she cooly agreed to go along with it, and EVEN sign the letter and hand it to Herbie! Walked out between flights, handed Herbie the letter. Opened... reading as he walked... got to the termination wording and there the letter went - thrown up and left on the ground as if "yeah... I did do that... Oh well, Braniff went under, I was Ok... now this has happened.. no reason to get excited... I will make it" (If I don't kill Victor first!)

I don't remember who got to Herbie and stopped him from getting on the employee bus for "the last time"... but I kinda sorta got back at him... Yeah, maybe a little too harshly.. but I knew my buddy Herb could take it... We laughed and shook hands the next day we worked together.

I love ole Herbert Washington. Me hopes there are those out there you love as well.