Slip slidin’ away…

Inclement weather….

We’ve talked about all kindsa stuff that likens life… The roller coaster… The half full/half empty glass.. Down times… up times.. Friends/relatives that pump/lift us up… curmudgeons that take us down, deflate us.... Stuff we deal with in the flow of life…

Howabout inclement weather?

If you stayed awake during “Checkenginelight 101” you’ll remember, the fugger started with a screwdriver, the heat had to be on 12 months a year ‘cause it had a baby water leak, there was no “P”… only “RNDL” - so, I couldn’t date no woman livin’ ona hill… I had halfa front bumper…The “checkenginelight came on, went off, came on… the brake light ultimately came on.. The headliner was falling down… etc, etc, etc….

It was… an experience to just take a ride… it’s amazing I EVER even had a date. (Kathie, please either take a bow or post your email addy so all can email “WHAT were you thinking?””)

So tonight… I left work 20 minutes early ‘cause I’m a nervous sonofagun… We had maybe 2-3 inches of snow… Slushy crap in the morning, followed by freezing rain/snow - u know, the kinda stuff you actually HEAR as it comes down…

So I geared up… “Mary, you care if I take off 20 minutes early?”… No.. that’s fine.. wussy… (I loved that!)….

I started the Hot… Rod… Lincoln… (with the super-special cassette tape player) five minutes before takeoff….

I finally get in the car… I feel likes an airline pilot ready to set my course.. (Which is fancy for “I’m presently too GD (gosh darn) poor, no car insurance, PLEASE keep this muther ‘tween the ditches.”).. “Tower One this is Lincoln ‘95 prepared for takeoff.. Gonna use runway 71 to 435.. Over”…

We have two exits out at work. One somewhat downhill, one level. The level one is the “in only”… but “Captain Schultze” has deemed ‘fuck ‘em’ - I wanna be safe…

Whew. Outta the parking lot.. “Hey Vic, I heard once you get to the Interstate, all is good.. It’s the side roads where everyone is having problems.”

Gee thanks Dean. All’s cool with me, and it’s OK ‘cause I gotta nuther paira clean undies at home in the sock drawer… (I hide ‘em from Maynard there… there’s just something about “sharing” undies I ain’t into.)

So………….. I’ve gots me this Hot…… Rod…. Lincoln… (the 1995 model with THE BEST
Friggin’ cassette tape player u ever seen…)

For weeks, I’ve bemoaned the fact it’s taken me $11-$12 (as friggin’ gas fluctuates) to make it
to/fro work, when $8 actually cut it in checkenginelight….

NOW.. I’m glad I’m in, basically, an armored vehicle, 8 cylinder, 642 triple overhead cam
engine… . Heavy. No slip sliding for me. All I had with the ‘93 Taurus was a little electronic
place where ‘checkenginelight” either lit up, or it didn’t.

Upgrading to the Hot…. Rod…. Lincoln… I’ve now got this digital display that completely
analyzes everything and flashes messages like “low windshield washer fluid”… “check ride
control”… ‘Driver’s door ajar”… and even “wow, you’re a horny sonofabitch, you need to get
laid soon.” I love my Lincoln. It really knows me…

Sooooooooooooooooo… I have no idea about the “door ajar” thing because everything is
tight/sealed…. The ‘ride control’ is cool, so no worry about the ride… A little bit ago, I
FILLED the windshield washer fluid thingy.. The light went off.. And down the road I went.

So, white knuckles, I’m now on Interstate. Here comes, passing me, a 53’ Crete Carrier
\truck.. You sonofabitch… and soon… a double-van Roadway semi.. GD it.. You
sonofabitch… and the wipers washed the spray away…

Inclement weather… How do we deal with it? HEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY wait. This
is like LIFE!… The ups, the downs, the “I can’t see shit”s, to “Oh sumbitch.. I hope like hell if I
tap-tap-tap my brakes, I don’t buu-fuu that Ford Focus..”

So…. In keeping with my “I can’t win for losing” checkenginelight kinda thing - I noticed..
since I’d filled up the “low windshield washer fluid” thingy… I’ll be gosh darn if the passenger’s
side didn’t spray like a sonofagun (u know, like a dude peeing with an early morning boner) and
the left side… dribbled outta the ‘eyelet’ thingy.. The little dribble went about 3 inches.. And
the windshield is like 9 inches from the eyelet… so… basically, useless…

So there I was… the passenger side wiper/spray thing managed to clear off the very mid-center
right of the windshield… and this is how I traversed 34 miles down the road… peeking thru the
clear spot… flipping off (after they were way past me) the sumbitches that were giving me dirty
looks for doing 50 in a 65 MPH zone.

One car length for every 10 MPH. That’s the way life is sposedta go. I take 3-4 car lengths.
Decrease your speed by 10% in inclement weather… I’m at 30%… Plan ahead, have
candles, have cell phone charged, layer your clothing, let someone know when you leave, keep
radio/noise at minimal level so you can concentrate… no jackrabbit starts.. Anticipate danger..
If u go in a skid, DON’T PANIC!… watch for others…

And then it hit me… driving in inclement weather is JUST LIKE going thru life… slow down in
times of trouble… prepare yourself… watch out for the other guy… try to plan ahead…
DON’T PANIC!!!… anticipate potential danger… Go easy on starts, turns and stops.

We sooooooooooooo take for granted the days off where we don’t haveta get out there… We sooooooooooooooo take for granted all the perfect conditions where we set the cruise - and simply get from here to there with no problem..

It’s when the “shit happens” we turn all attention to everything… Inclement weather… Family problems… Work problems… Money problems… “How am I ever gonna be able to ____ (whatever it is you/I need to do.)

I’m now home. It’s 68 degrees here. I’m in regular clothes.. (yes, blankie thrown over lap)… but… point is.. I made it…

We make it.. We make it in inclement weather… We make it when tears are at the forefront.. We make it just when we wanna turn to the Lord and say “Oh Dear God… WHY ME?”…..

We do.. There isn’t anything presented upon us we can’t make it thru…. Sure, we may slip and slide.. .we may have a minor fender bender… we may rear end someone because we didn’t tap-tap-tap… but we make it..

Slip sliding away, slip sliding away
You know the nearer your destination, the more you slip sliding away

Whoah God only knows, God makes his plan
The informations unavailable to the mortal man
Were workin our jobs, collect our pay
Believe were gliding down the highway, when in fact were slip sliding away

Layer up… slow down.. Tap-tap-tap… havea full tank… let others know where/how you are… relax, if u can… go slow… make it… …………… thru life……. I know u can…..

I am… Love, Victurd

Living with gonorrhea….

MADE YA LOOK!

No, don’t think I have it, but… the point being… you’re here.. Gotcha!

Normalcy.. There.. How’s that for a topic?

Is there sucha thing? Webster says “the state or fact of being normal.”

That doesn’t really tell you shit, and I hate when a word is defined with some form of the word itself… So, what’s ‘normal’?

American Heritage jumps in with “Conforming with, adhering to, or constituting a norm, standard, pattern, level, or type; typical: normal room temperature; one's normal weight; normal diplomatic relations.”

I don’t really like that shit either. You stand in line at McDonalds. Dude next toya don’t look normal, but for him, mebbe the exact opposite is true… Neither ofya are conforming to squat. Neither ofya are adhering to anything. Neither constitutes a norm - except to the normalcy of our own lives.

You don’t have to walk very far to notice distinct differences in normalcy.

Closing my eyes, thinking of ten different people I’ve been around in the last week:

1) 19 year marriage. HATE IT. Want out. Stuck. Control. No car. No funds. Do this don’t do that can’t you read the signs. Leap and possibly give up 16 and 17 yr old’s love? I don’t think so. Normal for her. Daily. Sad, but normal.

2) Life is WONDERFUL. I appreciate EVERY moment. I spent 8 years in prison for Meth. I won’t go back there. I’m alive. I’m free. I can be with my family. I’m making up for lost time. I’ve learned. I sooooo appreciate the “now” normal.

3) My wife and I have separate bedrooms. The intimacy stopped long ago. She claimed she is being forced to work from 8pm to 8am this coming Saturday - but I don’t have the heart to drive by her work and look for her car. Tis his “normal” life.

4) My husband drinks excessively every night. He’s a good man and this is his only fault. He’s a good father, is nice to me - and this is his only fault - so now it’s normal.

5) My husband thinks it’s hot that other men are attracted to me. We go out, and he encourages me to be flirtatious, to dance, to rub, to push the envelope but not seal it. Their normalcy.

6) I have a unique life. My husband and I are raising my kids, and in addition, we’ve adopted some - and it’s awesome. I live my life, as does my husband, for our kids. Normal to us. Editor’s note: This fucking rocks.

7). I am president of a family owned company. People say I’m impatient, pushy, ask for answers to trivial things within the workforce and that I’m strongly persist until I get an answer. It’s all I know. It’s my normalcy.

8). I am very pretty. At late 40-something, I really don’t care if I’m ever in another relationship again. In fact, I don’t seek one, and I’ll let those guess if it’s because my first and only longterm was pure crap --- or, if it’s because I hangout with women who are questionable in their sexual preferences. I know. But, it’s for me, and me only. Life, while some may scoff, to me is normal.

9) I’m in my 60’s, and my wife is an invalid in a nursing home - and has been for sometime. Yes, I have my urges, my wants, my “Damn I’d liketa (with that one)” - but I then sit back.. Hide kinda. I live but I don’t. She lives but she doesn’t. It’s now become normal.

10). I’m in my late 40’s. I control all our company’s finances. The continuance of my company is very dependent upon me. For that, I work almost every night until 7-8pm. Yes, I have a family - and while most are raised - she understands. She’s used to it. It’s normal. It’s the way. It’s my/our life.

Shakin’ your head thinking to yourself “Damn, maybe I ain’t got it so bad.” Uh huh, me too. I coulda spoken about the homeless my son encounters daily. I coulda highlighted the ultra-religious. The drunks. The druggies. The very depressed ones. The up and comers, and the done-made-its. The 3-car garages and the sleep under the Broadway Bridges.

I coulda written as if I were black and what it’s like to interview for a position… or… how it feels to be an illegal immigrant, scared, but trying to do best for my family… or what it’s like trying to sleep at night in Iraq… or worse, what it’s like for the parents of one in Iraq to sleep at night..

Recently (and I like him), in March, Trent Green was bemoaning the fact the Chiefs had treated him/his family horribly while not giving him a fair chance at the Quarterback job, and also not dealing (trading) him in the meantime. “We’ve got to make some decisions regarding our kids and school.“ I computed, Trent’s last game was like December 17th, and from then until he was finally traded - he made $35,000+ per day. He doesn't know any different. To him, he was in normalcy, and conditions changed so now he wasn't.

Is there a summary to all this crap? I don’t really know. If there is - it’s that, whatever your normalcy is - you can’t be too far off base. There are others probably weirder. There are others not quite as happy. There are others who don’t have a realistic look at life. There are others who simply don’t know any better. There are others who makeya think “damn.. I’m glad I am who I am.”

I challenge you. Take a look at ten around you. Chickenscratch in a journal their lives. Then takea look at yours. Normalcy has a broad, broad range. Mosta the time I think the vast majority of us are truly closer to normal than the next Joe. (Terry, not talking about your Joe… remember I said “Editor’s note: This fucking rocks.”)

So on you go. Yes, I know there are days u don’t wear undies. I know there’s no way some days of the week you’d never let anyone in to take a picture of all the rooms of your house. Yes, I know your brain thinks weird shit you’d neva-ever share. Yes, I know you and he/she did “that”. It’s ok. It’s normal to you. That’s all that matters.

Love… as normal, Victurd.

Does time heal all wounds?

I ain’t real sure. I think in some arenas is does - in others, mebbe not.

There’s the story of the father and son, whenever his son would unleash his anger on another, he made his son promise to stick a knife in the wooden fence in their backyard. Then, when he’d done a good deed - or said something nice to someone, he could pull one knife out. Over time, the anger bouts lessened, and eventually the day came when the last knife was pulled from the fence.

The basic moral is that the son was upset in that all the knives were removed - but there were still scars left within the fence. Exactly the point the father was trying to make.

MU lost last night. For the 12,478th time in my life of athletics, I’d allowed myself to reach the pentium of enthusiasm - only to be dropped freefalling back to my abode mid 4th quarter.

I woke up, reread about how bad it was. Now what?

There’s a local shrink who only works with sport’s clients… Has a one hour weekly radio show on the subject.. And as I sat in the Piggly Wiggly parking with my eyes on the KC paper - my ears were tuned to his words of “Just how do you personally overcome a loss.”

Sport losses are reasonably easy to overcome. One, it’s a damn game. Yes, crow is sometimes eaten - but the sun comes up - there are more games to be played. When I Googled “rebound from loss” no less than 10,000 stories came up - and each and every one was a headline of a team playing again, “rebound from loss to.”

All kinds of losses. Loved ones. Time helps, but it doesn’t heal the wound. Strangely, the hurt, in and of itself, may be a good thing here. Hurt over the loss of a loved one means “what we had was special… I am so lucky to have had that… I do still, however, miss them/that.”

Job loss. For awhile all is good. We can cuss them. Be glad we ain’t gotta travel that same route every morning. Exchange emails/phone calls, etc., with former co-workers, and smile that we ain’t gotta work any longer with the ones we abhorred. Then - reality sets in. Bills keep coming in the mail. There’s no bread. The frozen dinners are down to two. The pets need fed. You have two good pair of underwear left. So whaddya do? You get your ass up, get another job and start anew.

Mate loss. I see widows on dating sites - and many of them “want what I had.” Wow. How trying would that be? For each. Mate loss thru divorce, or, if not married - simply through the other leaving. Sometimes “a new game” helps. Sometimes we brood. Sometimes we don’t jump back in the pool. Sometimes we don’t leggo of our heart because we know the feel of it being yanked. Many do move on quite nicely, and some even end up in the best relationship they’ve ever had.

I read an article by another shrink. I’d Googled “time heals all wounds” - and what he said, I thought, was prophetic. Reckon I oughta mention his name if I’m gonna “borrow” what he said. Jeff Herring.

“What I say to clients when they say "time heals all wounds" is that time doesn't heal anything, time simply passes. It is what we do with our lives while time is passing that either helps us, heals us or keeps us stuck.

In my work over the years, I have noticed that some people seem to have an ability to accept the hurts and disappointments of life and then move on. They have a certain resiliency.
Others seem to stay stuck in their pain, living as if the painful events of their lives had occurred just moments ago.

As I sought to understand the strategies of these different types of people, some interesting differences made themselves clear. What follows are lists of strategies for how to remain miserable and then strategies for how to heal, move on, and thrive.

How to stay miserable
• Complain about the unfairness of it all. ("This should not have happened" - "How could anyone do such a thing?")
• Organize your life around the event, trauma or injustice. Make it a central theme in your life. Talk about nothing else. Bore your friends.
• Remain bitter and unforgiving. A wise friend of mine once said, "Not forgiving someone is much like trying to crush a sandspur between your fingers. You might eventually do it, but it sure is going to hurt."
• Become a victim. Give up your power to take responsibility and control over your own life.
• Play the scene over and over in your mind. Keep thinking of what you should have done or what you should have said.
How to move on, heal and thrive
• Talk about it. Many of us mistakenly believe that if we keep it inside it won't bother us. Quite the opposite is true. Remember the character -Tom Wingo in "Prince of Tides" and the damage done by not talking about the trauma that had happened in his family? Many times, getting it. out in the open can make it manageable.
• Forgive those involved. Forgiving does not condone what someone else did, it simply releases us from the pain of their actions.
• Most importantly, follow this favorite advice of mine:
"Make a place for the event in your life and then put it in its place."
It's important to remember that it did happen and it did affect you. At the same time, its place is in the past, much like a chapter in a book you have read and choose not to read again.

Thanks Jeff. We’ve all probably reacted in most of the ways mentioned above.

Not me. I’m perfect. GD Oklahoma Sooners. GD Len “no field goal kickin’” Elliot. I miss you terribly mom, dad, Vanda. And to you Seko Air Freight - HA - I appealed and won the right to unemployment. Oh, and finally. My one last wish is to see “him” riding his Harley down the road with onea those “the bitch fell off “ T Shirts!!!!

Hehe. Life rocks. It’s up, it’s down. It’s happy, it’s sad. We get all enthused, excited. Sometimes we rejoice, sometimes we brood. Sometimes we make marks, sometimes we make smiles. Sometimes we hurt. Sometimes we rebound better. Sometimes hurt lessens, but upon occasion we still feel baby aches.

Life, ya gotta love it. I do. Happy day, love, Victurd.

“A little too 50 trying to be 25 kind of attitude for me.”

Onea the goofy internet dating sites I peruse (and have a profile on) - is of course a pay site. I, having the economic tenacity of - say - Braniff, never officially join them things. This specific one, you can send a message “I like your photo”, or “I like your essay”, and even “hey there.” All of which are fruitless because there is no means to contact the other formally (without paying of course.)

So…….. Being the shrewd coupon-clipping, “Date me I’ve got an Entertainment Book” kinda guy I am… I included (in code) a way to figure out my real email address… Only two have decoded (which is fancy for “after looking at that picture, whyinthehell did you figure anyone would write?”.. The first is a good friend, and stops by here occasionally… The second recently wrote me:

“Hello Missouri-I hope I put this together correctly-my pen name is Bubbles-I live in ___________ and work in __________ - there that's a peek-what's your story?”

So I wrote back - yes, looked at her profile/picture, and certainly deemed “yes, write this lady back”…. So I did - and suggested if she really kinda wanted an inside to me, my life - to check out the blog address..

In the meantime, MU has won three games… Thanksgiving, Black Friday, and two paychecks have come and gone…that is, no return email. So, surprise surprise, I wrote her:

“had a retrospective moment. Like, Hey - whatever happened to that _________- (enter town name here) lady? And then I chuckled - and thought introspectively, "well, she musta not like what she saw/read." And to me, that's all cool. Sincerely.”

So, in addition to receiving twelve emails for Viagra (how do they know?) and six emails for enlargement (how do they… never mind.).. A few from friends, buddies… her reply finally came:

“Yes Yes Yes-your blog is alittle weird and alittle too 50 trying to be 25 kind of attitude for me. It is difficult out here-I hate it too-I am a decen looking woman with a great body-especially for 51-I am very nice and kind blah blah blah-but nothing great happening.. Signed, Bubbles1955”

Bubbles, hehe, please say it ain’t so! JUST BECAUSE I daily write two buddies (both in their 20’s) the daily “You might be a Redneck if” joke - is that trying to have a 25 kind of attitude?

JUST BECAUSE included in my New Year’s Resolutions were 1) I vow to make a snow angel in 2007... 2) I vow to pee my name in the snow in 2007.. 3) I resolve to play one kickass prank on someone at work this year… 4) I resolve to throw away any skidmarked underwear (Still skidmarked after washing) at the Laundrymat. Is that all trying to have a 25 kind of attitude?

JUST BECAUSE I write “Revisiting yesterday…. Or…… denial of today??? …You kid? Me, I’m a big kid. I’ve grown up observing Stand By Me, Parenthood, Leave it to Beaver, Christmas Story, George Jetson, Home Alone, Bad News Bears…etc… and I’ve come to the Victurd consensus - life as a kid ain’t bad. Victor Immature? Probably.”

JUST BECAUSE I write “Kids don’t know racism. Kids don’t know ethnic discrimination. Kids no comprende socio-economic inequities. Kids are accepting of the vast difference in learning ability amongst souls.. Kids hug… Kids smile… Kids are bright-eyed… Kids are real.. Kids don’t hold back thoughts… Kids are givers… Kids are wide-eyed observers.. Is this trying to have a 25 kind of attitude?

What makes you think JUST BECAUSE I say “Youth… Immerse yourself… Youth doesn’t know color, power, stature, riches. Youth are the true evaluators of “good people”. I say, smother yourself in youth. By youth, I simply mean someone younger. Oh sure, be nice to old farts your/my age - but form bonds too with young pups. Many today throw digs at the “I want what I want and I want it now” belief of our youth - but it’s my belief - youth today want/need older friends (and enjoy them) now, more than ever.”

Bubbles1955, you’re right… I spose I do behave, act, live, write - as if I wore the shoes of a 25 year old… I know there are many well into their maturity as you are Bubbles1955, who scorn such a lifestyle/attitude.

I know it’s probably true I should go home after work, kick the clogs off, eat dinner, watch the news - and prepare to retire… I understand I should probably drive just under the speed limit in the far left lane.. I know that by now being 50-something I shouldn’t include words like crap, cruddy, howinthehell, F’in A Ray, “GD (gosh darn)”…

I know I shouldn’t wish to play kick-the-can again.. Or revisit my old fraternity house.. Relive an hour at my grandmother’s house as a child…

I know I should learn more about the Dow, the Nasdaq… subscribe to Modern Maturity… ne’er wear tshirts with sport team logo on them.. Learn to play bridge… maybe even hitup the VFW’s Bingo Night… I know I shouldn’t go to lunch with anyone who doesn’t remember Red Skelton, Bonanza, and Captain Kangaroo…

I guess, Bubbles1955, I’m guilty as charged…. While I did enjoy Don Ho’s Tiny Bubbles, I just don’t think I’m ready to……………. Close your ears……….. Act my age.

Color ‘him‘: an idiot… immature… up a creek with no paddles… that's digusting.. wasting his life away… “a sad existence”… “well I’d be ashamed.”..

Please tune in tomorrow as the topic might be something along the lines of: Why it’s fun to go to the park for lunch with female coworkers in dresses and play on the jungle jim…

Tiny bubbles (tiny bubbles)
In the wine (in the wine)
Make me happy (make me happy)
Make me feel fine (make me feel fine)


Tiny bubbles (tiny bubbles)
Make me warm all over
With a feeling that I'm gonna
Love you till the end of time


So here's to the golden moon
And here's to the silver sea
And mostly here's a toast
To you and me


So here's to the ginger lei
I give to you today
And here's a kiss
That will not fade away

Love, Victurd…..

sex, lies and videotape

There is phone sex, consensual sex, forced sex, make-up sex, sex toys, one-way sex, oral sex, anal sex, sex cells, sex sells, promiscuous sex, homosexual sex, bisexual sex, heterosexual sex, sex dysfunction, marital sex, extramarital sex, sex addiction, adulterous sex, sex techniques, pre-marital sex, sex disorders, sex-ing, free sex, prostitution sex, sex urge, interracial sex, sex appetite, sex frigidity, reproductive sex, virginal sex, sex organs, sex chromosomes, sex appeal , sex change, sex life, sex object, sex shop, sex symbol, sex goddess, sex maniac, and plain ole have sex.

That’s a lotta sex descriptors, and I know you can thinka some to add to list. (You pervert you.) Imagine a day in the life without any (I MEAN ANY) thoughts about sex. You begin by peeing. Nope, huh uh, don’t think about it. You get dressed. I SAID NO. There’s nothing sexual involved.

You drive to work. (First you get gas, cigs, and pay the cute-ass lady……. WAIT… forget that.)… You walk in.. You see people… You don’t think about sex… You field a phone call…. You force indifference in your answer due to sexual orientation of the person on the other end… You get a fun email… You forward it.. You don’t examine the content and forward it specifically by who would enjoy (sexual preference.)…

Dude/Dudette walks up and says “you look nice today.” Admit it. Thoughts go thru your brain. Are they like saying ‘at night I lay in bed, dream about tearing your clothes off’ (but because of my innocence, relationship, age difference, inferiority complex, shyness, etc., I can‘t)… or, fashion gurus just being serious? Everything, damn near, is sexual.

We can’t live a day, an hour, without thinking of sex, or some derivative of. I call that…..
Fun. I call that, necessary. I call that the birds and the bees, what makes the world go round, real life.

Sex is very personal. To some, sex is very private. To others, there’s like a willingness, an overtness, a sharing of everything. Most of us are somewhere in-between. I pity the fool that says sex doesn’t play a HUGE role in our everyday lives. Sex = life.

Lies. People lie about sex. “Victor (said phone caller at 2am, 6/31/01) I’m too drunk to drive home…. I’m staying at my sisters.” Victor, did you really just repeat some old shit like that from 6 years ago? Uh huh, did. Lies. Lies and sex mix. I’ve been guilty. Not proud, but have.

I personally think lies are things that slip out in the attempt to make us have immediate feelings of “that’s ok”… and then fester once it’s slipped out. The scary ones are ones who lie, don’t think a thing of it, and in their brain it’s “ok”.

I do think white lies, if said to protect the feelings of those involved (or to get you from having to go to some damn function you know you’d hate like hell going to) - are Ok.

Videotapes. I’ve splurged not very many times in my life. When camcorders first came out, I spent a hella chunka tax return on a camcorder. Sumbitch was about the size of the box a paira Tony Lama’s come in. Nowadays, hell, cell phones make video. I’ma thinking’ I’m probably too GD old to learn how to download/view ‘em, nonetheless, they do.

YouTube. Sumbitch. Snap a film - in a millesecond share it with 7 continents.

Videotapes capture criminals, wedding ceremonies, ballgames, family reunions, and yes, even sex and lies (Right Paris, Pam, Tommy, Mar - oops). You can dispute sex. You can dispute lies. Ain’t no diputin’ videotape.

I never saw the movie. Read the review. Sounds like I’m kinda glad I didn’t. My/your life/lives have included sex, lies and videotape.

It was a probably not-so-great and idea for a blog. If you only knew though.

Havea great weekend, love, Victurd.

Gusewelle did it again….

The more I read, the more I love this man’s writing.. (C.W. Gusewelle/KC Star)… Today - ending an article about going with his friend and his friend’s 12 year old son fishing - he ended with “I will count that another in my collection of perfect days.”

Yesterday - was a day I will count in my collection of perfect days. Catom, I’m sorry - they gave a good fight, have had a wonderful season - but if you only knew my passion for MU over the years… I would hope if would be of some consolation. I understand the pre-game, the game, the folks watching in bars/pubs - there was little, if any, altercation. Who knows if the same would be true if us “meth headed, inbred, hillbillies” had been on the other side of the ledger - but I’d like to think so..

Another reason I sometimes hate me (which strangely helped lead to this being a perfect day) - have you ever see someone and IMMEDIATELY label them, and the label is not positive? I’m positive I have…

The feller who usedta date my ex way back in the dinosaur days - I’ve had an inward snarl veered at him from day one I knew who he was. We shared a beer and the game last night - nice, nice man. Dammit sometimes I hate me!

Idiocy #2. Another dude, humongous feller, first time I laid eyeballs on him - I pictured the brute-hunter-cruel-inhumane person. I didn’t like his walk. Didn’t like what I perceived his perception of himself. Post game at a friend’s house. I was petting the hostess’s 11 yr old long-haired cat.. Brute sits down next to me on sofa… Extends hand, says “hi I’m so-and-so” and begins to tell me the story of how he usedta date hostess some 11-12 yrs ago… they’d driven to her uncle’s house in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan… dude across the street from gal’s uncle hated this kitten (one and the same) because his dog got hit by a car chasing the kitten across the street. More.

Man wanted to literally kill the cat - so they hustled “Bobby” (named after her uncle) into his truck - drove however many miles it is from the UP back down to KC.. And that “he was so cool.. He just sat calmly on the ‘hump’ between our seats the whole way.” And then brute shared he had another cat back home in San Diego - and I related the tales of my own Jackson (“the Gentle Giant” Maine Coon) and Figaro (the cross-eyed-runs-into-walls-Eveready-Bunny-still-going tabby)… “Figaro, what a cool name.” Dammit Victor, are you done now making first impressions?

Two tickets to MU-KU game: $100

Two Miller Lites at Arrowhead: $14

MU 36, KU 28... Todd “It’s Showtime” Reesing with his helmet chewing cud… Stiff, puffed lower-lip KU fans blogging “wait until basketball season”.. “Our bus was late”.. “Shoulda been a home game at KU we woulda won”.. “We missed two field goals, woulda beat you.”…

PRICELESS.

(Sorry Catom! Yes, I know you will probably kick our butts in basketball - still, I’m from Missouri - you’re gonna have to Show Me.)

Quick note to niece who sent me a wonderful email about her diet success’s, and how she received a Christmas gift of a nice, leather winter coat a few years back - but had never been able to wear it because goofy uncle has no idea when it comes to sizes (my words, not hers) - anyways, she put it on, zipped it up with ease yesterday. Way to go woman, you go girl!

So C.W… MU winning. Victor realizing he can be an idiot BUT still can learn at my age.. (I pinched myself, said “I know you’re human, but don’t do that shit again….k?”)… I too will file this away as “another in my collection of perfect days.”

Happy day, may yours hopefully be added to your collection.

Love, Victurd

Dear Lord…..

It’s me…. Vic… Ok.. Victurd… I’ve been mostly good my whole life… Yes.. I know you saw me steal that $5 bottle of cologne for my cousin’s Christmas present 43 years ago(and bowl away $5 worth at the Antioch Lanes)… but I ain’t stole nothing since…

No, I’ve not been to church for awhile - but remember? For almost 7 straight years I went every day to her dad’s Baptist Church.. Remember?

Then… for over 20-some.. I went to her Catholic Church… remember? You know I pray at night... You know I've prayed for brethren in trouble - needing assistance..

Lord, I’ve seen guys cross themselves before shooting a free throw… and I’ve seen them make them…

I was wondering if just this once I could have a little help… You see, in two hours, my beloved Missouri Tigers are taking on the University of Kansas Chickenhawks in the most important football game we’ve seen here since…. Well, since ever.

I know you’ve seen and heard me spout off about how MU will kick booty tonight… Yes, I know you’re privy to my emails, my blog, my thoughts, my MU gear I wear… My teasing has mostly been in fun.. Really. I only think it’s the vast majority of ‘em that are “Gosh darn “no dirt under my fingernail” Roy Williams “I’m staying” Bert Coan cheatin’ “Well… I am a KU BASKETBALL fan” Johnson County -Jewell Ball - “119th and Metcalf” uppity- pretty boy - “Our coach can eat your coach” sumbitches…” Sorry to cuss.. And I know you know I don’t do that much.

Lord, I’ve got to go back to work Monday. Back to my cubicle where there’s a pic of a two-story outhouse (2nd floor door labeled “MU Fans”, lower level “KU Fans”) where I’ve mouthed off to all these people, sent emails, poked fun in blogs, oh, and bet one $10. (Yes, I know it’s illegal, but what about the $400 office pool they put on at our work? And our only customer is Uncle Sam!!!)…

Lord, we’ve been smacked around for quite a few years in basketball now by them guys. We need some help. Up until this year, I don’t think them people in JoCo even knew they had a football team over there. Please! They’ve already got bounty on hoops, Hummers, Lexus’s, Lincoln Navigators (but yo, have u seen my 1995 Hot… Rod… Lincoln?)… say it ain't so - NOT football TOO!!!!

Lord, I know you know they’ve been making fun of us, our state throughout all this: “meth heads… hillbillies… inbred… trailer trash… “can’t afford cable” (how’d they know that one?).. Pro-slavery types” - Lord, they’re wrong on that one. You know our state was divided. We’re different than 160 years ago. All have come to our senses. Oh, and we know all about their heinous crimes during those years - but again, it’s 2007, not 1850...
Anyways Lord… I’m on the free throw line of life… I’m beggin’ ya.. I’m pleading with you… I’ve way way way than more given the church the $5 I stole that day…

All I ask is one, huge, heaping favor… I know it’s probably not the right thing to ask… and I know I probably shouldn’t… but Lord this means soooooooooooooooooooooo much to me.

Would you just…… (just this once)…. Please….. Make the door from the locker room so narrow that ‘he’ won’t be able to get thru it?

Hehe. Hooray, Hurrah,
Mizzou, Mizzou,
Hooray, Hurrah,
And a "Bully" for Ol' Mizzou,
Rah, Rah, Rah, Rah,
Mizzou-rah, Mizzou-rah, Mizzou-rah,
Tigers!

Love, Victurd

Black Friday….

Last night - Thanksgiving night - my son and I drove to the local Best Buy as he’d wanted to purchase some video game. I’d forewarned him the store may not be open that late (8-ish pm) - as I’d overheard the Piggly Wiggly Manager that morning saying “yeah… we’re shutting down at 3pm too.”

Prior to our trip, I’d started the car to let it warm up - a first in a long time - as we’ve been blessed with Al Gore Global Warming temps. (Thanks Al… also… thanks for the internet - I kinda like it.)…

En route, we passed 7 closed fast food joints (Mickey D’s, Sonic, Arby’s, Burger King, Taco Bell, Wendys) - two closed grocery stores… and the only thing we saw open was Quick Trip and the liquor stores..

As we inched closer to Best Buy - we saw as many as thirty cars in the parking lot. Yeah! He can get his goofy video game - and life will be good.

Pulling even closer - we saw the windows to the store to be black. “I bet they’ve just got the windows just covered up because tomorrow is that big shopping day” Maynard chimed. “Yeah, prolly.”

We pulled in. Holy shit. It was already below 30 degrees (8pm-ish) and was supposed to get down to 22 degrees. The store WAS closed - but there were no less than 14 tents setup - neat in a line - waiting for the 4am Black Friday opening so they could save big bucks on gadgets for themselves, and for Christmas presents… and some… probably even to purchase and then resell online later at a profit.

I have yet to meet one of my New Years Resolutions (“I will sleep outside at least one night this year.”) - but - I remembered the Friday night in June when I’d won at the boat, celebrated a little too much en route to that win - and hunkered down around 3am in the checkenginelight for the night in the casino parking lot. So, at that, I considered my “I slept out” intact - and I had no want to be the 14th tent in line and freeze my ass off.

Would you sleep 8 hours in a tent at 22 degrees to save $100 on a PlayStation III? To quote my beloved stepson “Not no‘s, but hell‘s no‘s.”. Would you toss and turn and shiver and quiver 8 friggin’ hours so you could save $200 on a 54” HD TV? Me neither. Hell, I’d spend the same amount but settle for the 47” one.

For grins, I asked my buddy Wikepedia about “Black Friday”. It’s named so, because it’s was hinted by ABC World News Tonight to be the day retailers actually go from being in the red - to being in the black. It’s earliest traced back to 1975... Wiki said “it just ain’t so” about the profit/loss thing.

It does unofficially signal the beginning of the Christmas season however. Lights are starting to go up allover town. We even have a dude at work that began playing Christmas songs a month ago.

It’s too early for me. Don’t gimme wrong, I LOVE CHRISTMAS. We all get to be kids. (Reminds me of another Resolution “I shall put up a Christmas Tree this year” --- it just ain’t felt right the last few years… would the time I litup the flashlight and carried it down to the basement to work on the furnace count like the overnighter @ the casino did?)…

Sony laptop computers, cut to $399.99 from $749.99... GPS devices from TomTom for $119.99... a leather massage recliner for $298.88, after a $50 mail in rebate. The original price was $799.… a Polaroid 42-inch LCD HDTV for $798... a $79.87 Sony digital camera.

A Thanksgiving night in your own bed, off work, no alarm set - temp roughly 68 degrees - priceless.

Thank you for being a friend….

Tis a day to reflect… What’s going thru your brain as you awaken this Thanksgiving Day, 2007? We all have our own lists… and I’d love for you to share yours…

I’m thankful for my company of employ… No, neither of us is perfect - but, you allow me to have shelter, light, heat, food in the fridge, gasoline to peddle across town - and yes, even enough for an occasional cold one.

I’m thankful for my remaining family. Time changes all things - and we don’t see one another like days of old - but the bonds can never be broken, nor memories taken away.

I’m thankful for family that’s no longer among us. I’m thankful to you for you’ve given me the ability to see from your shoes, laugh from your bellies, and love from your hearts..

I’m thankful for the Kansas City Star. Reading it each day reminds me - I’ve got another day to make whatever I wanna try to make out of it.

I’m thankful for athletics on all levels - you give me moments I can’t wait for, wardrobes in my closet, fun banter with opposing fans, wins, losses, exaltation, frustration, tenseness - and sometimes even tears.

I’m thankful for my friends. There’s nothing more special in life than eyeballs that meet and are ensconced solely on another… an email shared.. A joke passed on… a tease.. A touch.. A sharing of your/my lives.. We all make transitions in life - whether it be mates, jobs, health conditions, emotional conditions, bad luck, good luck - friends are the net under the high wire. The sounding board. The sense-makers. The consolers. The wiser ones. Free to give advice - yet understanding how we use it is our own choice. I wouldn’t be here today without my friends.

I’m thankful for this arena (blog) - and even more thankful there is anyone that gives a rats ass to be here. I have brief pity parties (No Victor, not you?) and see so many lives of excitement - then I write from my combined “bedroom-library-living room” of life - and sincerely wonder why anyone stops by. I’m extremely thankful you do. I’m thankful for your comments - they are to me what orgasms are to sex partners.

I’m thankful for time on earth. Light, dark, hot, cold, pleasant.

I’m thankful to my eye doctor who’s given me these new eyes enabling me to continually have visual orgasms in life. People watching. Be it a football game, a parade, a festival, the City Market, the mall, WalMart - Piggly Wiggly. Little kids playing/smiling… the wonderful female derrieres of 20, 30, 40, 50, 60-somethings… fashion… nature’s turning of the seasons… viewing the soft snow from a 70 degree room..

I am thankful for pets - who ask so little yet give so much. When you think of their contained/controlled lives - yet - at every first minute they see you it’s like ‘the highlight’ of their day.

I’m thankful for past lovers - and promise to always keep the good - and to not remember the why-it-ended part…

I am thankful opportunity exists for a future lover. I want so badly to shop for you… to rub your shoulders at the end of the day… to become one… to have ‘eyegasms’… to have the smile upon hearing your voice on the phone.. Every day that passes I am this much closer to you… please ‘cmere before I am in the obits, or, I pee my pants and forget my name.

I am thankful 365 days of the year - but am very very glad we have this day to reflect, to stop, to observe the roses, smell the roses, and hand one out.

God Bless all… travel safe… love a lot… hug a lot… smile a lot… and may you have some kinda gasm today.. Love, Victurd.

The Border War…..

When the Chiefs lost to Green Bay in Super Bowl I, this lad was devastated. We thought the old AFL was as good as the NFL - but after that game, we doubted ourselves. Thankfully, the very first preseason game the next year we whipped up on the Chicago Bears 60-something to not-very-many….

The 1964 Cardinals. Yessiree Bob. (Pre-Royals - and I’m still a Cardinal fan TOO at heart.) I will never forget that World Series…

The 1969-70 Chiefs football season culminated with a victory in Super Bowl IV. Living literally across the street from where they trained - and being a huge sport’s fan - THIS was heaven.

In my dresser drawer - I own a T-Shirt that says “Kansas City Royals, 1980 World Champions.”… (If you’re not a sport’s historian - the Royals lost the the Philadelphia Phillies in that World Series… I’d bought the shirt I anticipation we’d win.. But I still find it a keepsake.)

1985, whoever could forget. The Royals came from 3-1 deficits in the playoffs AND the World Series - to defeat the BlueJays and then the Cardinals - to win the World Championship. I had $260 in savings that year.. Sent it all in for the ticket drawing in hopes of just seeing one game… Lo and behold I got tickets to each and every game. Game 7 of the World Series - I sat in the VERY last row of the upper deck, albeit right behind home plate. Cross-state rivals, the St. Louis Cardinals… I was dressed in a blue shirt that had a pic of the State of Missouri on it - and I’d chickenscratced on it “May the WEST team win.”

Our small town - 1997, observed a 31-0 run to the Missouri State Basketball Championship that will probably never be matched.

It’s been soooooooooooooo long since we’ve wanted to be in the National Eye (What??? Someone nearby won a National College Basketball Championship somewhere there in between? Really?) Hehe…

This weekend. If you’ve been under a rock… 10-1 MU plays 11-0 KU in Arrowhead. Final game of the regular season. KU is ranked #2 nationally, MU #4. Winner would go on the the Big 12 Championship game - and if a win there, a certainty to play in the National Championship Game.

This game’s even bigger than that. We MU-KU folks co-exist. We share 435, 35, 69, Westport, Zona Rosa, the Sprint Center, Bass Pro, Municipal Auditorium, Bartle, casino’s, the dog track, the race track, the weather forecast, the News channels - but there’s hatrid for this.

My own office desk is adorned with a picture of a two-story outhouse. The door to the top level is labeled “MU fans” and the door to the lower level “KU fans.”

All my life, each and every time I hear a “chickenhawk” fan who lives in Missouri speak about “their Jayhawks” - I thank them for their tax dollars to build our facilities at MU.

The local paper probably labeled it pretty close in that KU people label Mizzou fans: gun-toting, ignorant, jealous losers. MU fans label KU fans: latte-sipping, wine-drinking, nose-in-the airsnobs.” Yeah, that’s probably right.

Our local paper also had a little history diddie regarding the Missouri-Kansas Border War - and pretty much stated the trouble started back in 1850 when Missouri was pro-slavery, the Nebraska-Kansas act was taking place to admit both to the Union - and Kansas wanted to be a Free-State (no slavery.)

This article has only fueled the fires more.. While in part it’s true - Missouri (from every article I read) never officially committed either way during the Civil War - and there were clashes within between both sides.

In fairness to the Star, the paper did point out that there were raids in Missouri (by Kansans) and that many of the men in Quantrill’s party (they raided Lawrence, other towns) had atrocities happen to their families in Missouri.

But that’s off the subject… kinda…

KU pukes (said with love) will wear their “Muck Fizzou” t-shirts. There’s estimated to be roughly 100,000 tailgaters Saturday (the stadium holds 60-something)… All week we’ll read articles, hear stories about it.. The NCAA and the Big 12 have recorded both coaches doing TV ‘spots’ reinforcing the fact “it’s just a game.”

I’m getting so hyped up about it - I even sent a comment to the Star’s blog site about the game. To me, it’s all about fun. I don’t really hate KU, or their teams, or their students, or their fans - -this is just what I’ve grown up with - and have latched onto. And I’m thankful I have. They see us as degenerates, we see them as spoiled-rotten.

Yes, I realize I put my heart out there on the line with the potential of it being yanked, tugged, torn, broken. Kinda that way with almost everything though. Mates. Kids. Work. Friends. Even our own self image.

We, in our lifetime, will probably never witness a bigger MU-KU football game - where we each had so much on the line. I somehow made it thru the loss in Super Bowl I… It tugged at my heart in 1980 when Tug threw the winning strike against the Royals…

To be quite honest - I’ll be Ok.. But it’s truly my hope we Missouri Tigers kick some Jayhawk (WHAT THE HELL KINDA BIRD IS THAT?) ass.. Gosh darn “no dirt under my fingernail” Roy Williams “I’m staying” Bert Coan cheatin’ “Well… I am a KU BASKETBALL fan” Johnson County -Jewell Ball - “119th and Metcalf” uppity- pretty boy - “Our coach can eat your coach” sumbitches…

I will be an MU fan the moment after, and long after, the completion of this game. I’m living it, and I’m thankful for that. Actually, I love it. Close your ears: I even rooted for KU to go undefeated to this point so the little “yank” would hurt that much more.

Brb, going to go to Wally World to buy me onea them “Big 12 North Champions” tshirts. Seeya Saturday.

"Every True Son"

Every true son, so happy hearted,
Skies above us are blue,
There's a spirit so deep within us,
Old Missouri here's to you (rah rah!);
When the band plays the Tiger war song,
And when the fray is through,
We will tramp, tramp, tramp, around the columns,
With a cheer, for Old Mizzou!

Hit it, Hooray, Hurrah,
Mizzou, Mizzou,
Hooray, Hurrah,
Mizzou, Mizzou,
Hooray, Hurrah,
And a "Bully" for Ol' Mizzou,
Rah, Rah, Rah, Rah,
Mizzou-rah, Mizzou-rah, Mizzou-rah,
Tigers!

"Fight Tigers"

Fight, Tigers, fight for Old Mizzou,
Right behind you, everyone is with you,
Break the line and follow down the field,
And you'll be, on the top, upon the top;
Fight, Tigers, you will always win,
Proudly keep the colors flying skyward,
In the end we'll win the victory,
So Tigers, fight for Old Mizzou!

Love, VicTigerTurd…..

Some stuff I never could figure out.

Why does a really rich older couple buy a house with six bedrooms?

Why, whenever Yahoo, MSN, Microsoft, etc., come up with their newest addition, why does it take four clicks for what used to take you two?

If we’re so progressive, why do we now pay for TV, radio and bottled water?

Why does the guy who shoots another guy get his mugshot allover the News - we watch him walk handcuffed into the jail - we hear his name twenty-two times, but we never see the doctors and nurses (or hear their names) who worked miraculously to save the guy that got shot?

I dunno if true in all offices - but why is it the people who make the most are there the least?

If there’s a law against crossing over a single solid white line on the Interstate - why do we now use Double solid white lines along with the wording “will be strictly enforced”?

(Victor, you’re sounding old on this one) Why is it that people don’t practice the “stay one car length back for every 10 mph“? For real, you ever notice how many rear-enders involve like 3, 4, 5 cars?

If people who’ve given their life to the Lord go to heaven, and sinners go to hell - where do the resta the people go?

If deer only mate during the months of October and November… and some big buck observes some ravishing doe with a wonderful booty walk by in April - what’s he thinking?

Why are white grapes green? Why is red zinfandel white? Them grape dudes are all messed up.

When they invented words - what were they drinking when the spelled and pronounced colonel… onomatopoeia… Gucci…. Scissors.. Jujitsu.. Bissextile ß means leap years.. Paxwax ß neck ligament.. Fungi… heffalumps… Bunghole.. Tittynope ß refers to a small quantity of anything left over… Hmm. Had I been playing Jeopardy I woulda said “what are you bound to hear on your first date?”.. tittynope…

Why do some continually come back to this blog?

YEAH… it’s the WEEKEND! Hope urs is fun.. And if there’s “stuff you never could figure out” - PLEASE SHARE. Happy Saturday, love, Victurd.

Revisiting yesterday…. Or…… denial of today???

You kid? Me, I’m a big kid. I’ve grown up observing Stand By Me, Parenthood, Leave it to Beaver, Christmas Story, George Jetson, Home Alone, Bad News Bears…etc… and I’ve come to the Victurd consensus - life as a kid ain’t bad.

Victor Immature? Probably. Regrets? Doubtful.

Lemme askya: would you rather “hold court” as a PE teacher with a group of Second graders… line them up on one sidea the gym.. .and ask them to move to the other sidea the gym as if they were… say… elephants.. or snakes… or deer… or laughing hyena’s… or… turkeys… OR… sit in a cubicle and route trucks all day… Uh huh, what I thought.

Yes, I’m wayyyyyyyyyyyyy past the age of Bar Mitzvahs, confirmations, debutante balls - sorry… can’t help it… I wanna play. And do. And will. And am.

Could this be one reason why I’ve been thru two marriages - and both ending with her saying arevaderche?” Mebbe. But, if you believe that, I’m taking my GD (gosh darn) ball and going home.

Sorry, still feel that way. Kids don’t know racism. Kids don’t know ethnic discrimination. Kids no comprende socio-economic inequities. Kids are accepting of the vast difference in learning ability amongst souls.. Kids hug… Kids smile… Kids are bright-eyed… Kids are real.. Kids don’t hold back thoughts… Kids are givers… Kids are wide-eyed observers..

We all, seriously, could learn from kids.

All of the above is probably one very good reason I’ve never made it occupationally much higher than whatever the next level up is to entry level. I very seriously take what I do for a living - but within - I love to throw in kid-stuff. We need, in life, respites. Children are all about respites. To me, the phrase “that’s childish” needs observation.

When one thinks “that’s childish” - to me it’s the thought of a kid, arms folded across chest, bottom lip quivering, brooding over not getting his/her way. But too, I think it can be a good ribbing (done in fun, not demeaning) of a co-worker.. Perhaps semi-cranking the CD you are playing illegally [I hate IT rules].. Putting up fun sayings/pics in your office space… Or.. Maybe just asking co-workers to share stories about their kids.. That kinda childish stuff rocks… rules even…

Life, in going thru all the learning facets, can be fun, bewildering, trying, tedious, bewitching, a sonofabitch, hurtful, tearful, joyous, monumental, educational, destructive, instructive, sad, happy… simply said, et al.

Children are resilient. They get well as quick as they get ill. Feelings hurt can be smiles in three minutes. Snarls can turn to hugs in the time it takes to down a Hostess Twinkie. How good does a hug from a kid feel? They role model giving…

We here on planet earth are reminded so often to learn from our elders - and that’s wise, wise advice. (Do you hear me you younger sumbitches Misty? Lisa? Why, even Nancy?)… But too.. we need to remind ourselves we can learn from kids.

It doesn’t take an $80,000 job to teach life lessons. You needn’t have a three-car garage to learn to be acceptant of diversity. If you live month-to-month like so many of us - it doesn’t take a whole lot to make life fun.

Kids say the darndest things. We should listen attentively when they do, for perhaps we could grow ourselves…. Seeya. I’m off with some chalk.. Gonna either do the hopscotch thing.. or… go write on the sidewalk “Jana and Jeff… sittin’ in a tree… K-I-S-S-I-N-G”… Ain’t decided yet. That’s the fun part of being a kid. Decisions aren’t have to’s.. and even if you pick the wrong one - life is still fun!

Happy day, love, Victurd.

Mark, set, go.

Ok biotches (biotches, said with VERY much love)… here it is….

I come to this GD (Gol’ dang) monitor - and I freeze. I sit. I think. Clever. Victor, it’s gotta be clever or get ur ass up. I can’t thinka clever, so I get my ass up. I sit. I think. Victor, it’s gotta by symbolic - make a point. Then I can’t thinka symbolic, can’t think of a point.

So here I is. Rapid fire. Toppa the brain.

Observations from this 5’11” bod……

Life is about choice. I drag my ass into work every day. 99 times outta 100, I wear sunglasses, giving out the “leave me the F alone” look. Then, lady pulls into front spot. She weighs, honest to goodness, 350-400 lbs. It’s labor to walk. So big, she really can’t bend at the joints. You can just tell, each and every step in life is a struggle, comes with "ouches." And ya know what? Her face is always plastered with a smile. You can race her to say “hello” / “good morning”.. but you’ll rarely win. Choices. We have choices.

Holidays. Just had an email from a friend - who recently has lost her mother. Damn do I know that one. “Not looking forward to the Holidays.” And I completely understand. And, quite truthfully, they will never be quite the same.

HOWEVER. Eyes open, observe, smile, enjoy, admire - others that are now in the stage you/I once were - and take pleasure in the fact they’re living what you/I once lived - and how GD (Gol dang) special that is/was.)

Chicken Fat. To those born since Reagan was in office, you’ll have no idea whatinthehell that means. To us old farts - ‘twas a record (45 to be exact) that was played and played and played over and over and over again in PE class - whilst we did pushups (“every morning”) ten times (“not just now and then”)… “give that chicken fat BACK to the chicken, and don’t be chicken again..”

But now… Even though I’m fairly well entrenched in another binge of exercise/spandex watching - I don’t sweat it if I don’t make it to the gym. Eh, if I miss doing the elliptical for 60 minutes this week - who gives a rats… it may take one day offa my life, but whoever liked Thursdays anyways. Besides, I wakeup feeling fabulous nowadays.

Children. Rejoice in children. The last 48 hours I’ve heard some real “s-h-I-t” stories about absent parents. Their loss. I don’t see how one can turn the back. Once a parent, it’s a lifetime kinda thing - no matter how they may get off the path upon occasion. I’ve hearda abandonment at birth - all the way to abandonment at age 22... Uh huh… my ex, her son… he’s 22... Lives in same town… seen him once in two years… Sad, pretty damn sad.

Youth… Immerse yourself… Youth doesn’t know color, power, stature, riches. Youth are the true evaluators of “good people”. I say, smother yourself in youth. By youth, I simply mean someone younger. Oh sure, be nice to old farts your/my age - but form bonds too with young pups. Many today throw digs at the “I want what I want and I want it now” belief of our youth - but it’s my belief - youth today want/need older friends (and enjoy them) now, more than ever.

Squirm. It’s Ok to squirm. Not long ago, I mouthed off about saying that for the very first time I sputtered “I like working with you”… and I did… and she responded in kind. Then, I had a “open mouth, insert foot” moment - where this person made a mistake at work, I verbally said to another basically “it wasn’t me, it was her” and I wish I’da had the fitty-five yr old maturity I should have by now and never ever said it. So I squirm. No, it’s not ok. I shouldn’t have said what I said - but I did - and I must live with it - and with her lessened trust… but… taking the positive - it’s a teacher for tomorrow. I fucked up. There’s no taking back. There’s no “I’m sorry” and we retreat to life as it was in October. What’s done is done. So again, the lesson I take - open mouth - think about what one is about to say before it leaps out. Once out, there's no taking it back - no matter how many "Sorry"s follow.

Idle time. I wish I had more constructive ways to spend idle time - and if you gots ideas, I’m all ears.

You shits you. Have you penned that letter to someone you really admired - and written it as if you’re one foot in the grave? Gotta tell’em now?.. Me neither. But, I do have a list. Short one. But a list. Lord please help me to follow thru before I pee my pants and forget my name.

Called anyone just to say “hey”? You shits you. I haven’t either. Talk a good game don’t I?

Looked around at the timea year and all God has to offer? This one I have. And I marvel every day. Tis wondrous to watch the change.. I worked for years in the airline industry where folks disgustedly were ‘force’ transplanted here. The bitches and the moans you heard the first couplea years - soon were turned into “oooohs” and “aahhhhs” by year three. “This region is a pretty nice secret.” Yes. Yes it is.

Relationships. Victor, you haven’t mentioned relationships. Some things - it just ain’t the right time. And today, the week before Thanksgiving 2007, just ain’t the right time. I know the old sand is going thru the hourglass - tis ok. If I get there, I get there. If I don’t - it’s been a blast.

May you have smiles, orgasms, good thoughts, take pictures with your eyes… when you screw up (like me) - beat yourself up - but… only momentarily - and learn from it… don’t forget to start the day with a smile.. Wing a few at others thru the day…and retire with a smile in the mirror - knowing you’ve given at least a 75% effort to make your own life good.

Love, Victurd.

Gimme head with hair, Long beautiful hair, Shining, gleaming,

Streaming, flaxen, waxen

Thanks again Chuck Shepherd: “Medical student Wes Pemberton was scheduled to be officially measured in October in Tyler, Texas, for his upcoming spot in the Guinness Book of World Records. He told KLTV that he has a leg hair 5.0 inches long, surpassing the incumbent record of 4.88 inches. Pemberton said that his prize hair is growing amidst other normal-length hair, and that he has been treating it with conditioner to keep it strong for the measuring.” [KLTV (Tyler, Tex.), 10-9-07]

Eww…

Now that’s a bit far-fetched – but, why is it us men get these weirdo hairs in the weirdest of places… I’ll be going along merrily in life – walk into the bathroom at home.. four 75 Watt bulbs reveal a ½ long ear hair that’s been growing for goodness knows however long. Embarrassing.

My father.. He did the comb-over. Even in his 80’s, he never gave into the fact there was crop failure on top. Don’t blame him. Kinda got that “I’ll be damned if I’m gonna get old” modus operand meself…

I once had a damn hair sprout out from on toppa my nose, mid-nose… I’d close one eye and see it.. and it appeared to be like 12 inches long. I tried and tried to find it with my fingers – never could. Bugged the literal hell outta me.. Finally this chicky I was dating pulled it – showed it to me (it was like 1/16th of an inch) and said “here’s that looooong hair that’s been bugging you. Hmmm.

Ever browse at pics from the 70’s? Wow.. even the teachers got in the act.. If you didn’t have long hair – you were either in the military or a Hare Krishna.. I know I’ve mentioned before I had this WONDERFUL English professor in college who got a great big kick outta walking up behind me, tapping me on the shoulder and exclaiming “Excuse me… ma’am?”.. I loved/hated her!

Women and the hair “down there.” Weird. See? Hair is weird!.. Only her hairdresser (and bf/hubby/esthetician) know for sure. I hear tell of like ‘cuts’ of hearts, landing strips, diamonds, and even a shamrock in March.. Me, I have no preference.. in fact.. I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen… ah, nevermind! One more thing.. why is hair “there” kinky, and on toppa the head straight?

Bald is beautiful. Sure. Whatinthehell else are you gonna say? Although, will admit, on some it looks cool. I usedta pelt my son whenever he got on my nerves – I’d say “remember.. baldness skips a generation.” Damned if he didn’t Google that – and learn your hair fortune, or lack thereof, generally comes from your mother’s side…

I, of kinda reddish hair. Our family had zilcho reddish hair, so for years I was teased about “the milkman.. the grocer.. the hairdresser” all being potential DNA contributers to me..

Victor, you tell the same stuff over and over. I know – I’m old! When I was 16.. passed driving test. Lady behind the typewriter at the license bureau.. “Height?” 5’10”… “Weight?”.. 160 <- I really did weigh that once!.. “Eyes?” Blue.. “Hair?”.. gee, I ain’t sure what you call it… Sandy I guess… so… get license in mail.. Hair marked “BLD”… I AM NOT BALD!.. or.. mebbe I was/am for sure BLONDE…

Big Hair… Mullets… Army cuts… Mohawks.. Ducktails… The “Tye” look from Extreme Makeover.. His hair looks like a yard that has frost on it and it’s moved every which way – but nonea the blades in the same direction. Bed hair… Crew cut.. Afro… Dreads.. Remember Dorothy Hamill?...

Armpit hair, or lack thereof… Oh the dreadful days of “forced” showers in 7th grade PE. Cruel, people of that age are cruel! I remember when I was in HS, playing basketball… well… I’m pretty fair-skinned.. and it’s not like I ain’t got armpit hair – it just looks like I ain’t because it’s so light.. so… I was embarrassed to shoot!... Lo and behold the GD yearbook comes out – and there I was – a full page picture… shooting… with no apparent armpit hair. Yuck! I wanted to hide!

My sister usedta spend hours on end on her hair. If I’d come into the bathroom whilst she was in there… she usedta get my goat with “Ohhh Vanda… you’re soooo beautiful”.. and me, the skinny redheaded 9 yr old wanted to puke!... (She did have pretty hair, and she was pretty – but still, made a 9 yr old wanna puke!).. It was always “Ohhhh Vanda is getting soooooo pretty.. and my, isn’t Victor growing!”..

Hair is weird, we’ve established. If you’re underweight, you can eat. If you’re overweight, you can workout. If you’re fair-skinned, you can tan. You can put on make up.. we can bend, shape, mold most everything, up to and including changing the damn color of our eyes… but – with the exception of coloring, and styling – we’re pretty much damned stuck with our hair, or lack thereof.

Some say I should feel blessed because my hair’s still reasonably thick, and it’s all still the same color. I say, I hate this widow’s peak or preacher’s something-or-other in front, ‘cause it’s nasty to deal with!.. If I don’t get it cut so often, I end up looking like Moe of the 3 Stooges..

What are your hair stories? Ever color it? Iron it? Cut it yourself? Are you a parent and have ever pulled your hair out? Could you ever be so in love you’d consider trimming your mates eyebrows?.. Ever get into a chick/chick brawl where you’re pulling and tugging insteada throwing blows? Ever caught your hair in the blender? The garbage disposal? Longest you’ve ever had it?.. Whaddaya figure, on the course of a year, how much dough you spend on your hair? I’m the $8.95 coupon Snip-N-Clip kinda guy. “#6 on the sides, blend the top.” Same ole same ole. Boring, but it’s me..

Remember Brill Cream? Dippity do? What’s the longest heada hair? I thought you’d never ask! 18 ft 5.54 in, Xie Qiuping of Guangxi Province, China… wow, I hope she’s ok Qiuping with that much hair.. Hell you wouldn’t need a blanket in winter. If she didn’t like her mate, she could strangle and claim “whoops, slipped.. so sorry.”

Ok, enough outta this ole scissorbill… I’m gonna cut it off now… May you have good hair days… May you have hair.. or, reckon if it’s your choice not to, your choice.

Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair
Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it
My hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair
Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it
My hair

Love, Victurd.

Two feel goods....

I’ve read the Kansas City Star since the days they separated Help Wanted by Help Wanted Male, Help Wanted Female… I’m sorry to admit I’d not gotten “turned on” to C.W Gusewelle’s columns until just a little while back….

This morning’s story actually in some ways reminded me of this blog. Absolutely not tooting own horn - more admitting that I’ve written about down times - and try to follow with plans of attack to combat those times…

He starts the article today with “For everyone alive there comes that occasional day when the heart’s sky is clouded and some kind of lift - a bit of inspiration - is sorely needed….. I’m not immune to that universal affliction, though I’m glad to say I’ve found a dependable remedy.. Two remedies in fact, both of them stored safely away in this hateful machine - a computer - upon which the worst disease, called progress, obliges me to write..”

He then relates two stories… the first of Paul Potts.. “a 36 year old amateur singer who won the Britain’s Got Talent competition and, virtually overnight, became an international sensation…. Employed at a Carphone Warehouse, he came on stage, painfully shy, a bit portly, with a broken-toothed smile and wearing an awful thrift-store suit - and announced he would sing opera…” Get the Kleenex out, copy and paste.. And enjoy (If the link doesn't work, go to Google, type John Potts - and watch the YouTube version of his initial performance):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1k08yxu57NA

Part two…Jason McElwain.. An autistic boy who, as a 17-yeard old senior, was manager and coach’s helper for the basketball team at his high school in Rochester, NY… As a reward for his loyalty, Jason was allowed to suit up for the final game. I was really only a kind gesture. But, with just four minutes left on the clock, the coach actually sent him onto the court.”… I won’t spoil the rest… Again, watch and enjoy…

(The path for Jason's story is below - please enjoy the video... Thanks so much Mr. Gusewelle... again, if the link doesn't work - go to Google and type in Jason McElwain) Happy “Ups”… Love, Victurd

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/02/23/earlyshow/main1339324.shtml

Yesterday.....

Taking a day off today.. But.. figured I'd do up something... kinda had fun searching back thru 'yesterday'... Most of us have been around long enough to witness the below.. and it leaves one wondering what tomorrow will bring... Happy reading...

1997... World mourns loss of Princess Dianna… TWA Flight 800, a Boeing 747 bound for Paris, exploded shortly after takeoff from New York… Timothy McVeigh and Terry Nichols convicted for their roles in the Oklahoma City bombing… Jeff Gordon won the Winston Cup (wow)… Bill was in office, and in the humidor… 21 year old Tiger Woods wins his first major… Michael Jordan led the NBA in scoring for the 9th time, and led the Bulls to their 5th NBA title… 27 yr old Brett Favre led the Packers to a Super Bowl win.. Dolly, the ewe, was cloned… On New Year’s Eve, gasoline was $1.30 per gallon… Ground beef was $.89-$1.40 a lb.... ER, Seinfeld, Suddenly Susan, Friends.. Life expectancy women 79.9 years, men 74.3 years… Bell Bottoms made a brief return… More and more wearing vintage fashion.. Showing skin also has become more fashionable - Mid-drift tops, spaghetti-strapped tops and min-skirts…

1987 The Cosby Show, Family Ties, Cheers, Murder - She Wrote… NY Giants beat Denver in Super Bowl XXI, .. Supreme Court rules Rotary Club must admit women… Postage stamp .22 Top movies: Moonstruck, Wall Street, The Last Emperor, Fatal Attraction… Prozac sales begin.. Best Picture: Platoon.. Reagan roamed the White House… Hillary Duff born… Average monthly rent $395.. Gas, .89/gallon.. Terry Waite kidnapped in Beirut.. Disposable contacts debut.. Fads included parachute pants, jelly bracelets, dying hair in punk circles… “Big” hair and curled bangs were popular…


1977 Happy Days, Laverne & Shirley, M*A*S*H, Charlie’s Angels… The Oakland Raiders win Super Bowl XI… Jimmy was in Office… Median Household income $13,572... Bjorn Borg won Wimbledon… Seattle Slew took the Derby.. Notre Dame NCAA football champs… Rocky wins Best Picture.. Also, Saturday Night Fever, Star Wars, Annie Hall, Close Encounters of the Third Kind… “The King” checks out in Memphis.. We also lost Bing, Groucho and Charlie Chaplin… “I write the songs” Grammy song of the year.. Sarah Michelle Gellar, Ludacris, Liv Tyler born… Gasoline, .64 per gallon.. Dozen eggs .82.. Dow Jones hit 999...

1967 Bonanza, The Red Skelton Hour, The Andy Griffith Show.. In the very first Super Bowl, Green Bay defeats the Chiefs 35-10... Born: Tim McGraw, Nicole Kidman, Julia Roberts, Will Ferrell… Race riots breakout in Detroit, NYC’s Spanish Harlem, Birmingham, AL… Postage stamp - a nickel.. Rolling Stone magazine debuts… “Strangers in the Night” -Sinatra, record of the year… First heart transplant performed.. We lose Spencer Tracy, Woody Guthrie and John Coltrane.. Mantle hits his 500th .. Westmoreland requests more troops for Viet Nam.. Milk $1.15 a gallon, Bread .22... Gallon of gas .28... New car $2,425.00.. Average income $6,120.. Best Actress Katherine Hepburn in “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner” Actor: Steiger in “In the Heat of the Night.” Lyndon Johnson in Office…Flloyd Patterson Heavyweight Champ…

1957 I Love Lucy, The Ed Sullivan Show, The $64,000 question, Gunsmoke… Detroit Lions win the NFL title… Born: Vince Gill, Melanie Griffith, Gloria Estefan, Lyle Lovette (WHAT was Julia thinking?).. Russia launches Sputnik - the first orbiting satellite … Ike in Office… Milwaukee Braves win World Series… West Side Story debuts.. The world was introduced to Jerry Mathers as The Beaver… Top movies: The Bridge on the River Kwai, Peyton Place, Twelve Angry Men.. Bogie checked out… Minimum Wage $1.00/hr.. Dow Jones average 435.. New Home $20,000... Life expectancy men, 67 years, women 73 years… Underclothes items such as corsets or bodices were popular.. Hip pads werer worn in some dresses… Biker and beatnick fashion became hip: leather, wools, minks, crocodile skins…

Happy memories, love, Victurd.

They’re avoiding my question………

Google, Yahoo.. MSN.. None of ‘em helped… I figured, since I mouthed off about “things to make life fun“… Why not search “Things to avoid in life”

Zilcho… I found all kindsa crap to avoid in certain situations - but no real guidelines about things to avoid in general, in life… Among the crap I found…..

Things to avoid on Valentines day:
Canned Love Poetry, Pretend to (or really!) Forget About It, Roses, again??
Overwhelming Gifts, Letting it End on February 15th

Lemme see… ok… next was Things to avoid by sign….(Whore-o-scope… ain’t that how it’s spelled?) Sorry, gotta bore you with Libra…
What to avoid: People who pick arguments for fun; a dark office; violent films; dull clothes (Don‘t they know me?); a partner who criticizes you (WHY didn‘t I know this in 1982?); anonymity; too much routine; noisy apartments.

Continuing on in the quest for things to avoid in life.. Ahm, things to avoid in a resume cover letter: Don’t use fanciful fonts. Don’t include personal information like your race, sex or marital status. Don’t brag or make statements that can't be quantified. If you go by Bubba, please use your given name of, say, Ralph. (Sorry, I added that one).

Jualah… things to avoid to make a lasting relationship
Never go into a relationship just thinking about the financial wealth of your partner (Screw that.. Elisabeth Shue - I love you for YOU, not your money!)…
Accepting your partner because of his/her educational achievements or status.. Uh huh, “holy shit… check out that 3.66 GPA” (versus “them 36DD’s“).. Being or having a partner who is not supportive of your dreams.. Thinking a partner must be treated according to the number of years they have existed on earth.. Not real sure if their gist here, but I think they were being nice to older farts…

Preggo
German Measles, X-rays, Venereal Diseases, Cigarettes- Alcohol , Drugs, watching other parents with whiney-butt little kids… Geez, being Prego sounds like no fun. Oh, and avoid being married to a smartass man that won’t assist you out of the waterbed during the 9th month - and teases you unmercifully because you can’t get out yourself.. ß honest, this was on there!

Things to avoid on 1st date
Being late, coming on too strong (I suck here), Staring (they had an arrow pointed from his head to her chest!)…being nosy, talking to other people, getting drunk, being cheap (WHAT? The Entertainment Book is off limits on date one?), hurting animals (really, this was on there), not kissing goodnight.

Ok, screw Google. Screw Yahoo. Screw MSN… Really.. What are some things to avoid in life?

Me… the expert… (two-time divorcee… no great retirement plan… a falling down house.. Proud owner of a 1995 HOT… ROD…. LINCOLN.. - that came with wonderful cassette tape player)…….. Says:

Loud people.. To each his/her own.. It’s repugnant to me…There are ways for those that wanna get on center stage other than cranking the amps… I steer clear here anyways…

False promises… “I’m gonna _____”… “Next month I will ______”… “I’m going to start that exercise program I’ve been talking about.” I’m a big believer in actions insteada behavior - inspitea DB in HS calling me “the supreme BS’er.” Seriously, this one bugs the crap outta me…

Credit cards… They ruined several years of my/our life…

No compromise… Relationships, friends, and yes - even some aspects of your work - there’s got to be compromise… My way or the highway just doesn’t cut it for me…

Know-it-alls… Why try to enjoy a conversation with someone who can’t learn anything?

Anything not done in moderation (I reserve the right to exclude the following from this list Miller Lite, salted peanuts, humor, and of course sex.)

Co-workers approaching you that (with intent) turn their head the other way… Why bother?

Flipping undies for a third day…

Being “animal-less”… Yes, they’re a pain, a responsibility, a chore.. The beni’s far outweigh the negative. Get one. And, said with love, screw you non-cat-loving sumbitches… I felt that way once too… now, you’ll never find me without having one, or two…

Avoid writing blogs that make folks fall asleep at the computer (Sorry)… OK, outta here… don’t avoid letting the stuff in your heart flow up to and out of your mouth… avoid holding back/not sharing good things you think of others.. Don’t walk under no ladders.. Step on a crack… continue straight ahead after the black cat crosses…

Thanks for not avoiding this site…. If you were to leave - it would leave A VOID in my life… love, Victurd…

Today’s sermon.. Admissions of a non-conformist….

Ok. I ain’t preaching. Below, is actually a list of somea the things I do in life to stay happy… or, to make the day turn from a C+ to a B-. I by no means am suggesting u ape any of the below - but if you see a fun idea (OR IF YOU HAVE ONE YOU WANNA SHARE) - by all means, please do. Please know I truly suck at a lot in life. Witness, cleaning my house, cleaning my car, cleaning my desk (is there a pattern here?).. cleaning my after work habits up.. much... I suck at much...(hell, I've been married twice, I guess that speaks).. but I DO have fun with life...

Six crows feet ago I taught at an elementary school. There was this very wise, very profound, very admired 5th grade teacher --- in her last year of teaching (and she was probably already beyond retirement age)… She represented almost the exact opposite view to how I try to live life - but - it was her way - and it was truly a remarkable way.. And she was genuinely a wonderful, wonderful woman. Her take “I don’t really see how people go thru life always laughing and having fun with things - 100% of the time.” True, about the 100% - but I find life soooo much easier when fun is had. Serious? Can I be? Can u be? Sure!…

Ahem…. Hello congregation… Just wanted to make sure you’re aware we’re 40% down on collectiosn for the projected budget of our building fund. Oh, and how ‘bout them Chiefs!

Start the day with coffee (if u drink the crap), the newspaper, and a look in the mirror. MAKE yourself laugh in the mirror. Who looks good in the mirror 30 seconds after getting outta bed? Think of something funny that was done to you - or that you had done to someone else - and smile - even if forced…. No matter, start the day with a smile. Like yourself. Even if some others may not! (Again, I'm talking to ME too!)

You know a genuinely nice/wonderful person? Nothing can knock them off their float in the parade? Come back with “What the hell is wrong with you… you’re ALWAYS in a good mood.” I have done this one, and it’s a feel good - for each…

Email a compliment to a co-worker. We sweat, we toil, we mostly assume no one is watching… Bammo. Email ‘em when you see good. If it’s REALLY good, and management would have no idea of what they’ve done - then, and only then, copy them in.

Re-connect. Look at your life - and the segments… Plan gatherings, or maybe just even a phone call, email for those from your past. How longs it been since you said “hey” to the guy/gal who helped u catch your first crawdad?.. Not into class reunions? Contact someone who was close to you at the time… Former co-workers?.. ‘Touch’ em. Re-connect.

Be GENUINELY nice to vendors. Could be a vendor at your work. Could be a (and I hate the word subordinate) someone under you in the corporate structure of your company. Could be the cable guy, the McDonald’s French Fry Sacker, the “Paper or Plastic” dude at the Piggly Wiggly, the lady at the Water Department… they all have frustrating jobs - and just like you and me - the only time they hear from someone is usually when the shit ain’t good. So be good, and be nice. And say thanks.

From leftfield. Have some fun. See a digital camera sitting without it’s owner? Take that mother and snap some pics. I don’t care. Zoom in on your buccal cavity… snap a shot of your armpit… or… do like some old dudes did at the bar the other night… unsuspecting chicky left digital on the shuffleboard table… three old drunks picked it up and had some fun… up to and including a “moon shot” (omg) from onea the old dudes… and then neatly handed the camera to the barkeep for the lost and found. I simply cannot believe a 55 yr old man would behave like that.

Long time no see? In line four aisles down at the Piggly Wiggly?.. “HEY TOMMY, I HAVEN’T SEEN YOU SINCE YOU GOT OUTTA PRISON.. HOW THE HECK AREYA?” (Watch ‘em shrivel)

Handshake. Don’t make it a normal handshake. Hang on for that extra second to let ‘em know “hey… I like you as a person.”… Mebbe even throw the other hand gently on top to emphasize the thought…

How do you feel when you hear “You look nice today.” F-in A Ray, you feel fabulous. So wing it yourself. Just don’t do it if it’s the one you’ve been dying to get in their drawers.. Do it to a friend. Non-sexually. You know.

Ask about someone’s family. Ever notice how someone perks up when this happens? You may not givea shit about little Joey’s 7 yr old soccer team, or about the wife’s rheumatoid arthritis, but what the hell - it’s the thought that counts… and you can learn things that will forever associate you with the other…

Razz a co-worker… Ten minutes late to work? Fuck ‘em.. “Good Afternoon, how are you?”… See ‘em on the internet? “Git urass back to work”… ALWAYS rib a co-worker when it’s appropriate, and it's sure to draw a smile from them.

Touch. Some don’t like touch. And perhaps there’s some you don’t wanna touch. When it’s appropriate, and of course, appropriate touch - do so. You know how good a touch on the shoulder or arm feels. It talks. It says “I like you.” Make the rounds. Touch many - if not physically, then verbally.

Ever said the simple sentence “I like working with you.”… I’m fitty-five.. I just said it first time ever about a month ago.. We both almost cried. Stupid? I don’t think so. I immediately heard “I like working with you too.”

Thank a boss. Sure, could be construed as kiss-ass.. But do it anyways. There’s only one top dude usually - and many inbetween. We foot soldiers have no idea the pressure placed from the top - to them - to us. Let ‘em know when they’re doing a good job. If they show trust in you - thank them for that. This can be done with the lips no where close to the derriere.

Smile. Often. A lot. To all, even the ones that never return it. How good does it feel when it is returned? Very.

This ends today’s sermon. Don’t forget: Brother Tom is down in the back, unable to work. If there’s anything extra you can do in the collection plate today - it’s very much appreciated.

Amen brother Ben… Love, Victurd.

A preachment, dear friend you are about to receive on John Barleycorn Nicotine and the temptations of Eve...

No… This ain’t about parking by the sewer sign, hot dogs, or broken razors. (And if you’re scratching your head, you’re one young sumbitch.)

Preachment: preaching or sermon, esp. a long, tiresome one…

I say this, because (as always).. what’s written – is written TO me.. shared.. but not with the intent to preach, suggest, mend, alter, etc.. I like life. I like to believe life can be even better……… so…… I write suggestions to me.. and then post ‘em..

Water drippin' up the spout
But I dont care, let it all hang out

Today I searched… “Put more fun in your life”… or… “Make your life more fun” or something like that… and I found some ideas – I think – are pretty cool.

Swinging….. When’s the last time you were on a swing? Actually went to a park a few months back with co-workers and did this. Was therapeutic.

Random acts of connections..… Wave to a fireman. Say ‘hi’ to a cop. Salute a soldier. Strike up a friendly conversation with the Circle K chicky when buying cigs.

Hangin' from a pine tree by my knees
Sun is shinin' through the shade
Nobody knows what its all about
It's too much, man, let it all hang out

A just for fun phone call… Have you ever noticed – 99% of phone calls made start with a almost fakey “HEY, how are you?”.. followed by a similar reply.. then.. a very brief moment of silence.. and then you get to the meat-a-the-matter of why you’re calling. I like the idea of calling someone for absolutely no reason. I’d like it if I received a call from someone who had no specific reason for calling me other than they simply wanted to talk to me – just to say ‘hey’….

15 minutes a day of doing absolutely nothing…. Go on a walk. Listen to music. Sit on the couch. Dance, run, jog, skip or stretch. Write, paint or sketch. Pet an animal or plant. Listen to the wind. Take yourself on a date. Do something that is alive and energizing for you.

Saw a man walkin' upside down
My T.V.s on the blink
Made Galileo look like a Boy Scout
Sorry 'bout that, let it all hang out

Mix it up… Have breakfast for dinner, dinner for breakfast.. Got kids? Hell, have dessert first – a sure crowd pleaser. Use ‘fun’ utensils insteada the normal fork/spoon. Have justa spatula for one, an eggbeater handle for another, and perhaps a large serving spoon.. and then laugh as you eat…

Decorate with stuff that makes you smile…. Forget Martha Stewart – or Nathaniel P. Interior Decorator.. put up stuff that has mems.. or funny stuff.. or family stuff.. and who cares what outsiders think….

Write a letter to someone you cherish. Tell them everything you’d say as if it were the last time you could ever communicate with them.

Go swimming. Hell, that’s an easy one – but in this hustle-bustle world – whoever does it any more?

Sleep all day, drive all night
Brain my numb, can't stop now
For sure ain't no doubt
Keep an open mind, let it all hang out

Share your life experience…. Keep in mind that not everyone knows what you know. Your personal experiences can be valuable to others. You might be surprised by what some people don?t know about life! I always am.

When you hear someone discussing a topic and you’re completely lost.. jot it down… If there’s something you think of that you’d like to know about, and probably should know about it… jot it down.. add to the list stuff that perks you – and you’d love to learn more… Then set aside some time to Google for your own selfishness…

It's rainin' inside a big brown moon
How does that mess you baby up, leg
Eatin' a Reuben sandwich with sauerkraut
Don't stop now, baby, let it all hang out

Let it all hang out
Let it all hang out
Let it all hang out

Ok ushers, pass the damn collection plates out now. Kidding. I know I’m weird. Don’t care. Just enjoy life, would like it if it were even better. Happy day. Happy night. Let it all hang out.. Love, Victurd

Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth…….

Yeah I know… but hell… I’ve related my equine expertise to you before… Dated this chicky… nice chicky.. Was living her dream in country.. Two horses… each having unique personalities… One would be riding calm, peaceful - and in the next minute decide he didn’t want you on his back any longer… The other… like a rock.. Steady.. Dependable.. What you saw is what you got… always..

So after months of begging “please come ride with me”.. I gave in… but… “let’s start in the arena first, that way I won’t end up at the base of some cliff somewhere in case this sport ends up being like any other sport I’ve butchered where I don’t have control" (ice skating, roller skating, etc.)… and u know the rest.. GD rock steady horse… went straight for the corner of the arena… dropped anchor… I was humiliated.. And finished..

So… I ain’t real sure about that ‘don’t look a gift horse in the mouth..’ Could be a buncha horseshit for all I know…

This morning’s KC Star… about… (Answer at end)… “______ is unique. He shows his feelings. He’s personal. He doesn’t act like the tough-guy cowboy. He’s a family man, and he shows it.”

Continuing… “in life and song, he also empathizes with the woman’s point of view, whether she’s a mother or a wife, or both.”…”I’ve always hung around my mother and my sister a lot… I find myself being able to work with women very easily.”

And s‘more… “The greatest achievement I’ve ever done is be a father to three beautiful girls”… (LD areya listenin’?).. What is left to know is, that’s where my future lies. Because I am responsible for the mark my children make on this world… That’s the only thing I know for sure.”

The Star summing up Garth Brook’s comments: “If that wasn’t a “feminine side” he tapped into, it was then, a flash of tenderness or something many fathers have trouble discovering and expressing: a maternal streak.”

One more gaze at that gift horse finds Spanish heartthrob actor Javier Bardem relating “We could not afford a baby-sitter when my mother went to the theater:… “I’ve always been surrounded by strong female personalities, and I respect them. I think they are far stronger in the soul than men. I am still a romantic. For me, the most attractive woman is the person who is at peace with herself. Calm but not boring. No matter how good that person looks, when I see somebody at peace, that is sexy to me..”

Ok Bobby - I’m done with this topic - a promise. As I’ve given it more reflection - and it’s my promise to keep it a secret from your Argentine/Strawberry Hill/Quindero buds - the more I think about it - the more I think your vision, opinions of, and admiration for women - the more I think we’re just damn near on an even keel in this area.

Ok… better get ma gait picked up… trot to gas station to filly up…tack-y huh?… eh, another ‘also ran’ blog.. I’d better bolt… (in a bit)… enjoy the field… be nice to handicaps… get a handle on things… jockey the important things in life.. Get a leg up on life… many of us are in the stretch turn of life…time to whip up some fun… remember though… don’t look a gift horse in the mouth… giddy up… Love, Victurd.

Four chicks……..

Last night… I sat, as normal, with my old high school cronies - at the “pre-game” party (Bar).. Prior to attending the final local high school game of the year…

Four chicks walked in… They all were in the graduating class ahead of me - and one of them I admit to having ‘the hots’ for decades ago….

I know two of the four for sure aren’t married - and I think probably all four were divorced…

So…. I watched with interest as they picked their ‘hideout’ within the establishment. Back in the far corner - a booth - all but eliminating wanton gentlemen from approaching them.

Then I wondered to myself… Maybe it’s their past experiences/relationships that made them this way… Maybe that’s exactly where they wanna sit… Maybe they’ve decided “whatever good would come from it just simply ain’t worth it for the bad… I’m fine… Life ain’t perfect, but it‘s ok… I ended up alone.. And I’ve become accustomed to it.”

And then I bet they all glared out at the crowd, found the tightest male booty in Levi’s, and frothed inside in their hidden desires.

We all know the truth. Don’t try to sell that shit to us!

High school football team got their butts whipped. They even got to the “mercy rule.” That’s when a team is ahead by 35 or more points… they continue to run the clock non-stop.. Thus, having mercy on the team. I remembered playing on this field. I looked at where the GD yellow bus was parked that drove the team there.. And I wondered if I even had the chutzpah left to make the trek from the bus to the field. Hehe.

Then, after the game.. (“Dad… where you going?”… ahm, any GD (gosh darn) place I want. I am fitty-five you know) ahm.. To the cruddy (adorable) local establishment where all the old single dudes (and a few marrieds) meet up to talk about how shitty the team looked.. How we need a new coach.. And we congruently scratched our heads and wondered how the largest high school in the state could not field a winning team.

Then… we watched other single women, grouped, seated. A mix of ages. All, having fun. Then, they seemingly borrowed that attitude from the aforementioned ‘four chicks’.. walking by them was kinda like walking by a yap dog.. You just know any second that if you were to walkup - attempt to ‘pet’ - they’d bare their teeth, let out the hideous high pitched bark where they seemingly go on and on without taking a breath for like 45 seconds… So u don’t even disturb the pups…

And then they sit there… cast their eyes about.. and individually froth on the inside, hiding their desires. Again, you can’t sell that shit to us.. But I’ll be damned if I’m gonna risk getting a finger or two chewed off.

This was all so much easier at age 16 when so-and-so would wonder up to you and say so-and-so thinks you’re pretty cool. You’d end up having ten separate conversations with this go between - and the next thing you’d know - you were making out under the high school bleachers with so-and-so.

Which reminds me. I ain’t 100% sure so-and-so, the desirous one of the four chicks, is married. I am good friends with her brother. So… maybe the go between route would be hella better than Match.. MySpace… bars… dancing… bowling… etc… Then maybe the times have changed to where I truly might get my finger bitten off.

Maybe I’ve just realized “whatever good would come from it just simply ain’t worth it for the bad… I’m fine… Life ain’t perfect, but it‘s ok… I ended up alone.. And I’ve become accustomed to it.”

Life… it is interesting. Happy frothing… Love, Victurd

Yesterday……..

I said “"The orange, the burnt orange, the rust, the yellows, the salmon, the coral, the tangerine, the mahogany, the peach, the apricot,, the pumpkin, the persimmon…"

A ‘former’ (hehe) friend of mine said “Bobby thinks that your color descriptors bear witness to the amount of time you spend with women. A KCK guy would never describe it that way! JK! C.J.”

So I’ve given this some thought…

When I was twelve, Janet Flanagan (one in a family of nine that lived next door) had a mean, MEAN left-handed bat… she too could scoop errant throws outta the dirt with the ease John Mayberry had.. (If you’re young, John was ‘hella’ defensive first baseman for the Royals back in the day)

Janet never was confronted with the scrutiny of “why do you play with guys?”… “what up with that?” There were never “hints” of anything… It was nineteen-friggin-sixty-six for criminy sakes… I ain’t even sure if Rosie or Ellen Degeneres was born yet… let alone that Leavenworth, KS singing chickie…

Now I remember those days… and I remember the groups of girls that would play.. And, the intermittent fellers that would join in their fray… Even though Maris had yet to hit 61, we still wondered about the dudes… Limp-wrist… “Wore green and yellow on Thursday”… Pants hiked up over their belly button. Something wrong with this picture.

FAST FORWARD TO 2007.…… Dudes hang out… talk about every chick on the planet with the exception of the one they’re betrothed to… Talk about “thirty ought six” or some GD gun they’re gonna kill Bambi with… Hawwwwwwkkk… Ptttuuuhh.. Chewwww… Scratch their nuts… Sniff in thru their nostrils… followed by right or left sleeve cleaning up the substances that didn’t make it’s way up thru the nostrils… then, as if they had one hand on their pee pee, and the other looking up their bank balance online- they tellya what they make… and how it rocks.. And without saying they are “somebody”… they indicate “I’m somebody”…. Almost as if they’re running for erection.. Oops… typo… election.

Women…. On the other hand… sometimes wear scantily clad outfits… (Need I even continue?)… Dresses… June Cleavage… They’re pretty… they smell GD nice… they havea heart… they’re apathetic… they listen, take it all in and don’t blurt… and, I’ve found.. Women are just as bigga pigs as men… uh huh.. Are… Come to our “Breakfast Club” round-table talk during break time any morning or afternoon.. It might just be something about the round concrete table we have at work… but… it’s a certainty - amongst he perves, someone will bring out the term (to my niece Valerie - PLEASE close your ears/eyes) anal. Honest to goodness. I actually get embarrassed. OMG is onea my favorite sayings on break…. I’m practiced in the art of turning red.

So Bobby… I lied and sent your wifey an email saying “well… I too was poor.. And when we moved into the house formally owned by Sarah Loughery (rich folks) she’d inadvertently left a 64 piece box of Crayolas.. And that’s where I got the “sissy” color list. (Please note box even had sharpener - and we’re talking circa 1961)…

But, that story is bogus. I made it up… Hawwwwwwkkk… Ptuuuuahh…

I truthfully was (and am) so enthralled with the colors God be’a painting. I went to Wikipedia and entered the word “orange”.. That’s where I got “"The orange, the burnt orange, the rust, the yellows, the salmon, the coral, the tangerine, the mahogany, the peach, the apricot,, the pumpkin, the persimmon…"

Wouldn’t you know Wikipedia would be written by a GD (gosh darn) woman?

So………… YES Bobby it’s true… I DO have more female friends than male friends….YES, I do spend an inordinate amount of time with women (in comparison to time spent with men.)

And to you, kind sir, who I TRULY do envy very much… I say… “Duh”

I truthfully, honestly, emphatically, energetically say “I don’t give a ratsass (said with love Bobby… but not the 1960’s kinda love - say of playing “Jacks” at recess in a huddle of girls”).. where was I? Oh yeah, ratsass… I do enjoy my male friends… truly I do.. But I congruently love my female friends…

Orange you glad I’m adding amber… gamboges… tangerine… tawny… mahogany… vermilion…to the fray…

Brb… gotta tinkle… then… I understand… we’re gonna do “tinikling.”.. . I hate when that happens… “Bobby.. please know.. when it's the turn of that one chicky that's got 38DD's to tinikle, I do hereby promise to turn my head.”

Hehe. Love, Victurd.