Dear Lord…..

It’s me…. Vic… Ok.. Victurd… I’ve been mostly good my whole life… Yes.. I know you saw me steal that $5 bottle of cologne for my cousin’s Christmas present 43 years ago(and bowl away $5 worth at the Antioch Lanes)… but I ain’t stole nothing since…

No, I’ve not been to church for awhile - but remember? For almost 7 straight years I went every day to her dad’s Baptist Church.. Remember?

Then… for over 20-some.. I went to her Catholic Church… remember? You know I pray at night... You know I've prayed for brethren in trouble - needing assistance..

Lord, I’ve seen guys cross themselves before shooting a free throw… and I’ve seen them make them…

I was wondering if just this once I could have a little help… You see, in two hours, my beloved Missouri Tigers are taking on the University of Kansas Chickenhawks in the most important football game we’ve seen here since…. Well, since ever.

I know you’ve seen and heard me spout off about how MU will kick booty tonight… Yes, I know you’re privy to my emails, my blog, my thoughts, my MU gear I wear… My teasing has mostly been in fun.. Really. I only think it’s the vast majority of ‘em that are “Gosh darn “no dirt under my fingernail” Roy Williams “I’m staying” Bert Coan cheatin’ “Well… I am a KU BASKETBALL fan” Johnson County -Jewell Ball - “119th and Metcalf” uppity- pretty boy - “Our coach can eat your coach” sumbitches…” Sorry to cuss.. And I know you know I don’t do that much.

Lord, I’ve got to go back to work Monday. Back to my cubicle where there’s a pic of a two-story outhouse (2nd floor door labeled “MU Fans”, lower level “KU Fans”) where I’ve mouthed off to all these people, sent emails, poked fun in blogs, oh, and bet one $10. (Yes, I know it’s illegal, but what about the $400 office pool they put on at our work? And our only customer is Uncle Sam!!!)…

Lord, we’ve been smacked around for quite a few years in basketball now by them guys. We need some help. Up until this year, I don’t think them people in JoCo even knew they had a football team over there. Please! They’ve already got bounty on hoops, Hummers, Lexus’s, Lincoln Navigators (but yo, have u seen my 1995 Hot… Rod… Lincoln?)… say it ain't so - NOT football TOO!!!!

Lord, I know you know they’ve been making fun of us, our state throughout all this: “meth heads… hillbillies… inbred… trailer trash… “can’t afford cable” (how’d they know that one?).. Pro-slavery types” - Lord, they’re wrong on that one. You know our state was divided. We’re different than 160 years ago. All have come to our senses. Oh, and we know all about their heinous crimes during those years - but again, it’s 2007, not 1850...
Anyways Lord… I’m on the free throw line of life… I’m beggin’ ya.. I’m pleading with you… I’ve way way way than more given the church the $5 I stole that day…

All I ask is one, huge, heaping favor… I know it’s probably not the right thing to ask… and I know I probably shouldn’t… but Lord this means soooooooooooooooooooooo much to me.

Would you just…… (just this once)…. Please….. Make the door from the locker room so narrow that ‘he’ won’t be able to get thru it?

Hehe. Hooray, Hurrah,
Mizzou, Mizzou,
Hooray, Hurrah,
And a "Bully" for Ol' Mizzou,
Rah, Rah, Rah, Rah,
Mizzou-rah, Mizzou-rah, Mizzou-rah,
Tigers!

Love, Victurd