The Kansas City Royals will become the first team to lead the Major Leagues in Stolen Bases while incurring 100 losses. Excited by this, Ned Yost/Dayton Moore will agree to a contract extension for Ned thru the 2032 Season, remarking "That's what speed do."
The Chiefs will...............
Sporting Kansas City will... Sporting Kansas City will...... OK, futball fanatics, close your ears. Does anyone really care? I try to read the paper about them.. I can't.. I catnap through one of their (LONG) games on TV, it ends 0-0. I try to watch them, the standings, then, midway thru the season they will play some team that ain't even in the league for some kinda Cup or other.. I no get it. I no care. Write your own prediction here, thanks and sorry.
University of Kansas Athletic Director Jeff Long will summon Bill Self into his office, announcing "Bill, I'm calling you in on the carpet." Bill will reply, "Well ah, ah, OK Jeff, you got me, it is a hairpiece." Long will reply, "No Bill, I'm talking about this Adidas crap?"
Local ABC, CBS, NBC affiliates will unite, secretly, and will agree to a "Scouts honor" pledge to get ridda any reporter, weather person, anchor, Sports dude, yada, over the age of 37 - while keeping any/all non-essential (they ain't on-air) employees up thru Bill Snyder age, thereby combating any EEOP accusations.
The Chiefs will...............
Harrison ("Little Man") Porter, 6'8" Seventh grader, will sign a letter of intent to play basketball at MU. Exactly two weeks later, he will severely sever the four fingers on his shooting hand while carving his Soap Box Derby car, thereby rendering him unable to ever play basketball again.
In a joint announcement, Frontier Airlines and Spirit Airlines announce "Screw you guys... how can you expect us to divvy up our fair share for the baggage carousel system when it costs more to Uber from OP, KS to KCI than it does to fly on us from here to Orlando, we're both moving our operations to the Charles B. Wheeler Downtown Airport." Mayor Sly James, when asked by KC Star reporters what he intended to do, replied "I'm not real sure, it wasn't my idea to have the Mayoral office be a one-term thing, good luck to whoever is running."
The Chiefs will................
Change.Org, in effort to start 2019 on the right, peaceful, united foot, will organize and promote a concert in RFK Stadium, Washington DC - and the headliners will be Sister Sledge and Sly and the Family Stone. They will sing their famed "We are family" and "It's a family affair"... Someone will soon after Tweet "No we're not.. No it's not." Demonstrators will throw eggs at the performers, and Fox News swears they have inside information the egg throwers were financed by George Soros... CNN will immediately denounce this claim, posting pictures of eggshells on the doorstep of their DC office, stating "Nuh uh, they got us too."
In a much more congenial concert, Willie Nelson and Keith Richards - in a late November AARP Convention in Ypsilanti, Michigan will delight frozen convention goers with their rendition of "Baby, it's cold outside."
The Chiefs will...............
Hiram Masters, the inventor of "The Remote Start" will team with his cousin Luther P. Johnson (Sex counselor) and they will introduce their new product Masters and Johnson's "Remote Sex". Men (and women)everywhere will rejoice. Women can now either rollover or go shopping anytime they want. Men can now, well, you know, anytime they want, be it in their man cave, garage, den, bedroom, yada.. simply by summoning "Alexa, c'mere bebbe." Sales are predicted to surpass Amazon totals by the 4th quarter of 2019.
It was then I woke up.. so it musta been a dream.
I ain't really sure what the Chiefs will do. You?
Welcome 2019, we were kinda sorta ready for a change.
By Henry Orwell Gibson,
Love, Victurd
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