Green Acres is the place to be... Parsely, Sage, Rosemary and tines.....

Watch them tiller tines, that would hurt (Small hands, disregard warning).

Thanks to global warming, some wiseacre came up with the idea of Naked Gardening Day, today, Saturday, May 5th, 2018.

We, farmers included, are born naked. How we've perceived nudity has changed over the years. Grab your mate, toss your clothes, but fair warning:

NUDITY law:

NYC - 90 days in jail.

Show all them pores in Singapore: 90 days in jail AND a $2000 fine.

UAE (Dubai)... naked gardening? BONZI, YOU DIE. jk, but it would be 6 months in prison. (Plus, it gets up to a hunnerd degrees frequently there, Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire)...

When I think of Brazil, please don't shoot me, but "thong bikini, kinda wit dat big booty" comes to mind, HOWEVER, don't take that thong off: ONE YEAR IN JAIL.

Khartoum: 50 lashings (wow).. Damascus: Lashings to execution (lettuce, turnip and pray).. Bonzi, you dead.

Thanks, Hank Kimball...

Vern/Charlotte: Have some preliminary fun with vernacular... aheada time, discuss things like balled and burlapped.. bare root.. climbing.. dead-head (more common in Damascus).. Slow release.. Mounded... Spreading.. Victor you are a pervert, I know, but it's fun.. root rot... leeks (these need to be washed well)..

Have a lil fun picking out things to plant aheada time: artichoke... peas... rhubarb... ginger (redheads out there, garden an hour, go inside an hour, rotate that throughout day).. banana squash... bitter melon (is there sucha thing?).. beat roots... mangos.. melons.. nuts... raisins (more attune to AARP gardeners).. that cross between a grapefruit and a mandarin: Ugli fruit (hey, some of us ARE ugly, it'll make it more fun).. watermelon (The FDA recommends this for 'underwired' women only)... CUCUMBERS, sorry ladies, almost forgot.

To aptly prepare for this undertaking... Play a game or two of Cards Against Humanity... Make up and down a few Jello Shot Oranges (A little pot sometimes helps in gardening as well). ... getya a fun glossery all made out aheada time: Pinch.. bolt... companion planting (even more fun done whilst on a Twister mat)... Fertilizing (careful, the penalties for this are even greater than plain ole nudity).. worm casting.. Naked jumping jacks facing each other help enable introverts to extro....

Consider spiffing up the garden by planting flowers around the exterior: Gladiolus, tulips, Bachelor's button, Bleeding Heart (recommended for Democrats), Bush Morning Glory (perverts), Cuckoo Flower, Everlasting Daisy (not recommended for those over 50), Honeysuckle, Impatiens (will you love me til the end of time?), Love in the Mist (use sprinkler), Morning Glory (again, penalties even worse than nudity), Nymphea (sounds like a perennial), Passion Flower, Wallflower (save for party poopers that won't declothe), Wild Rose, Wild Violet).

Have fun in the bed... Remember: Garden-variety (this ain't for the lighthearted), know where the fertile spots are.. the rules, they ain't cut-and-dried..

Yummy yummy yummy I've got love in my tummy....

Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
How does your garden grow?
With Pa's ole bells and cockleshells,
And our mutual seeds, all in a row

Farm out, love, Victurd