Measurement, to me, is kinda interesting. (You can measure one's age by how many times they repeat something. Somea the below is repeated from past blogs. Sorry, kinda, again - it's what old people do.)
The inch is 1/36 of a yard, 1/12 of a foot, derived from the Roman "uncla" (twelfth).. and is usually understood as deriving from the width of the human thumb. I looked too. Not fake news, Wiki told me. An inch is 2.54 cm.
"The most important 6 inches on the battlefield is between your ears." James Mattis
If you're so gol' dang smart, tell me how long a "Smoot" is? I'll save you time. Oliver R. Smoot was an MIT undergrad - and during his fraternity pledge he was used to measure the length of the Harvard Bridge between Boston and Cambridge, MA. Oliver was 5'7", they laid him down, on the bridge, placed a mark by his head, lifted him up, placed him down, made another mark, and repeated this the entire exercise along the bridge. The bridge is 364.4 smoots plus or minus one ear.
Of course we all file into Home Depot, Lowes, Menards, yada to buy a 2x4, 1x6, 2x12, 4x4, etc.. but I never understood why a 2x4 is in actuality 1.5"x3.5", which of course, gives one the urge to run to Lowes, find one seemingly wet behind the ears and ask where the 1.5x3.5's are...
Funny ha ha are all the jokes regarding men/size. Frienda mine worked in the ER at a local hospital. Guy came into the ER - I forget his ailment, but it necessitated completely disrobing. Lo and behold, he had a ruler tattooed on his you-know-what, I-kid-you-not. It was onea those moments where nurse Sally ran back into the break area, hollered at Susie, "C'mere, you gotta see this - and please try to keep a straight face." Friend was female, and no, I didn't ask ruler size - sketchy anyways as other 'conditions' wouldn't make it as accurate as a Smoot.
"Oscar is the exact opposite of how I think you should behave. I just think of it as a negative view of the postitive mind I have. Big Bird is sweet and nice and also sympathetic, as kids can identify even though he looks like such a bizarre character - great 8 feet 2 inches, a beak 18 inches long." Caroll Spinney
Until this blog, I never knew how booby size is detected. I guess, you take a measurement around your rib cage, let's say it's 34", then you take a measurement (and place the tape measure over the boobies), let's say it's 35", so - there's a one inch difference, which makes the booby size 34A. 36/34 would be 34B, 37/34 is 34C, etc... I get all that, but what about them Double D suckers? Xplain Lucy...
Scruffy. A pitiful measurement story. Ever heard of a 'teasing stallion'? I DO NOT KNOW horses, but kinda sorta reading, a teaser stallion is used as a 'barometer' to find out if a mare is in 'estrus' (heat). I dunno know how they do this, I suppose there is some kind of barrier between the teasing stallion and the mare in heat, but, the poor guy never gets to have any 'fun', and the most dominant stallion is called in once it's been ciphered "yes, in heat." The story of my dating.. oh, nevermind.
Back to Scruffy. Scruffy was a male dog, not a horse, stallion, mare. Please close your ears as I DO NOT want my reputation of being a dog lover tainted: Scruffy wasn't very likeable. First, he was ugly. He was mixed breed, and I think he got the ugly portion of each of the parents. He was a stump of a dog, maybe ten or twelve inches tall, ALL BODY, hardly any legs. He was uncoordinated. He'd run up to you, misjudge, and clobber your bod - then, he would lick you like crazy after he did. Again, our secret, just not very likeable.
Sadie, on the other hand, was a BEAUTIFUL white lab mix, TWICE the height of Scruffy. Sadie and Scruffy shared the same back yard for many a year. Poor Scruffy, much like the teaser stallion, tried and tried and tried and tried to 'befriend' Sadie, it just logistically wasn't going to happen - in spite of how entertaining it was to watch. We'd have friends over, "Watch Scruffy!" and sure enough, in 5 or 10 minutes he was air humping away... poor guy.
"I'm not overweight, I'm just nine inches too short." Shelley Winters.
Wellness day at work - they bend you shape you anyway they want to.. prick your skin.. test for this, measure for that. "Body Mass Index", first time I'd ever heard of it, and I majored in Physical Education, oh well. I ain't real sure how it's (BMI) formally derived, but it has something to do with your waist circumference, your height, and your weight. Lady measured my height. Weighed me, then said "OK, we've got to measure your waist." Ma'am, you don't need to do that, I've worn 36"x30" jeans for like 20 years. "Yes, but we don't actually measure right at your waist, we measure around the belly button." Damnit darnit, 41", I'm destined for BMI hell. Retirement = Medicare = don't care about BMI. Hell to the yes, pass the Fritos. I. Will. Never. Attain. My. Desired. BMI. And. I. Am. AOK. With. That. Burma Shave.
OK, I, like you, am getting bored. I measured, blog is long enough to be formally considered a blog.
One last gripe. Obits, and their length, upset me. It's all about $'s and who had them (and I understand newspaper prerogative.) Certain you probably do like me and go to the funeral home site - usually a beautiful recap there of one's life.
"What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild?"
No pervert, it's a $100 bill.
Tune in next week.. we'll discuss Measurement,Part B.. my friend that worked in ER.. and the guy who came in to get a table leg that was up his (yeah, sorry) removed. We'll find out if they measured. Here's a teaser though - he came back two weeks later to retrieve it.
Love, Victurd.
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