I was gonna entitle "I got punched in the jaw" but that would be a teaser - which, I've been known to do upon occasion - tease - but figured I wouldn't this time for the sake of anyone stumbling by (and thank you for stumbling if you're here.)
My jaw, right side, is huge.
You see, I was down at the bar... and.... (Victor, you've never been in a fistfight in your life, WHO is gonna believe this?) Yeah, you're right, just don't tell no one I haven't, sounds kinda sissified - but in truth, I'm kinda glad I ain't been.... We did box in High School gym class, ain't namin' names, but the guy quit after what seemed like a few minutes, and that's pretty sad in and of itself 'cause I think I had the second scrawniest set of arms in class.
I actually have a tooth gone bad (note to whippersnappers, take care of them dang things, for if you don't, you will one day look like me, haveta get a partial, forget where you laid it, have to hear your girlfriend say "got the keys? Tickets? Teeth?".. and.. slyly remove it in a restaurant to eat, yada.)
An abscess, when defined, contains the verbiage "pus, bacteria, debris." (Whoda thunk pus was spelled with just one s, but, in looking, I guess I undertand why it is.)
So, I look like I got in a brawl. I looked at my bank balance to make an appointment with the Dentist "No Pain Jane" (Victor, regarding your bank account, remember you didn't know Social Security had that waiting month, and insteada getting your first check THIS third Wednesday, it ain't coming until February's third Wednesday. Oh yeah.)
Got a form printed to scan, to withdrawal enough for No Pain, and to gimme thru until SS check arrives.. to email the 401K overseers. Tried scanning on my spiffy new $30-something Canon printer. Wouldn't. Emailed their so stated "World renowned Customer Service Department" Still ain't heard back - and that was actually a couple days ago. Went to library to scan. "Do you have your library card?" Ahm, no, I actually have one, but I too remember I have a fine from over 30 years ago." Visualized cops/handcuffs and "Well, with interest, your fine is now $2,487." Instead, kind lady gave me a visitor pass, helped me scan, gave me a USB thingy to download it, pointed me in the direction of the nearest free computer. Sheepishly had to get her to help me find whereintheheck the saved docs were so I could attach to email, and yada, did so.
401K guy (Gerald Kravitz I think it was) replied "I'm sorry Victor, since you are no longer employed, you can't make a partial withdrawal, you have to withdraw all of it." My tooth hurts perty darn bad, ain't time for that now.. so....
So insteada calling No Pain (Honest, that's how she advertises, I've been to her and her work is true to the word, mostly, there is baby pain from all the dadgum shots she does first)- I rolled into CVS for some OTC stuff to put on my DGG (Dad Gum Gumb).
For years (PLEASE don't tell) to get the whatever they call the CVS valued customer discount, I've entered my ex's phone number 'cause I wasn't a registered, valued customer. Since it's been 12 years, guilt happened as I walked in, cashier standing by herself, so I asked "how long does it take to sign up for the valued customer thingy?"... "Just a few seconds, what's your phone number?" Told her.., she replied "Victor?".. "Yes"... "You're already in there." And to think of all the times I've sweated as I punched in whatshername's phone number all these years. Duh me.
Found the oral treatment aisle, happened to be adjacent to the family planning aisle... after a quick "eww".. I perused. Found a super strong abscess specific pain reliever for $23-something... then eyeballed one that was $3.99 ($4.50 off) and toted it up to the CVS valued customer signer-upper.
"That'll be $9.03." Ahm, it said $3.99 before tax? She was nice, but she took an immediate Gladys Kravitz stroll back past family planning to the oral aisle to make sure I no speaky with forked tongue. My jaw is so swollen, my tongue CAN'T forky. "See? I wasn't fibbin." Fixed. Paid. Out the door I went.
I sat in car, read the directions, said a baby prayer thanking the dude who put lens implants in my eyes 11 years ago, as the type was either size 2 or 4, but I could read it.
"Cut open tip on tube" and I stopped reading. Opened the tube, took the lid off and pressed it on the part where the abscess fighter should ooze out, nope, didn't work. Got a toothpick, pressed it hard atop it, nope, didn't work either. Returned to the type size 2 directions "Cut open tip on tube on the score mark." Hey, I've got a utility knife in my tool kit in the trunk! Well... even though my pain has gotten pretty bad, I decided there's no sense in cutting the tube to get ridda the bacteria with something that probably has bacterial allover it - I drove home.
Score mark. I got home, cut the score mark, got the gel allover my gums, tooth - and there was kinda actual immediate relief. I thought the verbiage 'score' was kinda unique, so, thought I'd blog about SCORE, but here I sit. Too many dadgum paragraphs already to start anew and make jokes about:
Score.. the GOAL GOAL GOAL announcer dude.
Score.. like when you find a twenty dollar bill in a pair of pants.
Score.. like my 1.6 grade average the first semester of my freshman year in college.. HEY, I had a girlfriend 120 miles away back home, drove to see her every Friday... OK, a lie, I'd leave on Thursday thinking "eh, I'm just missing one day of class."
Score.. a group of twenty.. "Four score and seven years ago" by Abe........... honest.
Score.. orchestrate..
Score.. the state of affair.. nah, don't wanna go that direction.
Score.. the act of buying illegal drugs.. or, the proceeds of a crime.. that ain't funny.
Score.. cut or scratch a notch or line on a surface (my anti bacteria tube thingy)...
Score.. as in you're pervert as you've been awaiting this one.
Did I really just read thru this blog today AND THAT IS ALL THERE IS?
Yeah, sorry.
Just jawin'.
As an aside, my heart (and jaw) are swollen for you... Love, Victurd.
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