Over the river and through the woods

To Grandmother's house we go
The horse knows the way to carry the sleigh
Through white and drifted snow

Baaaaaaaaaaaaah Humbug said I! Each and every winter, I swear, gets colder and colder no matta how much more “stored fat” I accumulate year after year. (Don’t getme wrong, loved loved LOVED Granny’s house as a kid.. and yes, even sledding –well.. at least until that time my tongue got stuck on metal part)…

Over the river and through the woods
Oh how the wind does blow
It stings the toes and bites the nose
As over the ground we go

Wind. YUCK. Stings. YES. Toes? I can’t feel ‘em (let alone reach ‘em)… Gimme a casa in Cabo, a tent in Tampa, a motel in Maui, a hut in Hono….

Over the river and through the woods
To Grandmother's house we go
The horse knows the way to carry the sleigh
Through white and drifted snow

Horse-$#^*.. howinthehell can the writers of this song sing happily, merrily when the combo of Old Man Winter/riding on a sleigh surely has turned their face beet red, frozen solid, making it impossible to smile, sing, feel… impossible to anything!

Over the river and through the woods
Oh how the wind does blow
It stings the toes and bites the nose
As over the ground we go

Ok, actually, I’m lying. I kinda getta kick outta scraping my windshield when the wind chill is 12 below. And, I’m thankful I don’t have to pay for an amusement park when I can traverse I-435 for 35 miles (each way) daily in ice, snow – where the steering wheel is rendered "as useless as the ti… “.. oh well, you know - sumpin about pig breasts.

Over the river and through the woods
And through the barnyard gate
We seem to go extremely slow
It is so hard to wait.

In truth, I LOVE the $ound of my furnace. Always been a huge fan of incessant. (“She wouldn’t stop talking long enough for me to say ‘nice to meet you’ “).. Should I slip/fall in the driveway? Not to worry, scads more padding than as a child. And, when I do, kinda gets me giggling, as in “oh shit, I hope no one saw that”… Giggling is good.

HEY! I GOTTA GOOD IDEA!.. Since winter driving is much more hazardous, what with the wind, the blowing snow, the foggy windshield, icing, sheet-of-ice roads – LET’S SET THE CLOCKS UP AN HOUR so we can add darkness to the mix of driving home! Hell yeah!

Over the river and through the woods
Now Grandmother's cap I spy
Hooray for the fun
Is the pudding done?
Hooray for the pumpkin pie
Hooray for the fun
Is the pudding done?
Hooray for the pumpkin pie
Hooray!

I know. I’m blessed to be here at all. I, inspitea thinking occasionally “the bastard leaks” truly am a glass half full kinda person. I know too “like it or lump it.” Winter is the halftime of an exciting game. The long line to get ones license plates renewed. The walking into an overflowing restaurant and signing up as “last name, Starving, party of two.”

If it weren’t for bad, there’d be no good, comprende. Hell/heaven. Worry/rejoice. Repel/attract. Fearful/sanguine (don’t be impressed, I Googled antonyms)..

Honestly, I am thankful. I do enjoy winter (from out my living room window). I am lucky to be here. Happy even…..

Did someone say pumpkin pie? Love, Victurd.