Maynard. Maynard is presently caught up in “The City.” The talk, the walk, the ‘style’, the lifestyle. Talks about the ‘baddest’ areas of town. Relates every drive by, stabbing, shoot-out, news event of the not-so-rich-and-not-so-famous. He doesn’t participate in any of that, he just enjoys sometimes being, looking the part. (He usedta be a sagger until I told him that ‘fad’ started in prison, and it was for [close your ears] “easy access.” Pretty much stopped him doing so. Good thing, many pairs are holy.
What the hell does “OG” have to do with any of this Victor? I’m so glad you finally asked.
I am: “OLD Gangsta”. I reckon that’s the label for us old farts that the (City) youth of the day now see us as.
I resemble that remark. (Old.) Uh huh, stopped for my fitty-four cent “Small Senior Coffee please” at Mickey D’s. Read wonderful article by gal in KC Star, about turning 29, and having a ‘bucket list’ of things to do before 30. Loved her enthusiasm for life, wrote her, told her that. Along with “I hate when old people tell me what to do (but)”.. .YOU DIDN’T? Uh huh, did.
I blabbed in an email, “it ain’t so much about where the ride is taking you… it’s more about enjoying/appreciating the ride alongs the way.” Victor, she’d prolly slap you if she could. Nay, I was nice. Remember? I got fired once because “you know what your problem is Vic? You’re too (his words) God Damn NICE.” It actually was kinda fun job hunting, filling in “reason you left last job.”
Old, where was I? See? That’s what I mean about “OG” being true. As I left Mickey D’s, halfa block removed from their parking lot, the “Uh oh” BM urge hit. This urge as fitty-five is different than it was as a kid when you could run twelve blocks, pour a cuppa Koolaid, then sit and do your business. At fitty-five THIS MEANS “NOW”!
So I spotted the Piggly Wiggly. They gotta nice squatter in there. Parked. Jumped out. Remembered people talking about “the Kegel” … did that… with each and every ten foot closer mark toward the squatter, my pace quickened. Victor, you didn’t do pooters along the way did you? Uh huh, sorry. That’s what OG’s do.
FINALLY. To the door. Locked. GD (gosh darn) IT!.. So, I’m pacing, and kegeling. And drawing stares. Deep breaths. KEGEL VICTOR! THEY DON’T SELL UNDIES/PANTS IN THE PIGGLY WIGGLY. Uh huh, I know.
Ya think the wait in line at Mickey D’s seems like “every minute’s wait feels like three”… when you’re an OG, and the public restroom is locked. Three minutes seems like Fall, Winter and Spring have passed. “Shit, I feel like fitty-six now”.. DON’T USE THAT WORD VICTOR, especially in this situation.
If I were on the squatter, and I heard someone a jiggling’ at the door, I’d try to hurry. Nope. Not this chap. I pictured some O’erFG (Older Fat Gangsta) sittin’ back, not caring about the ‘pacer’ outside. You know, them guys that read three sections of the paper whilst pooping.
FINALLY. Almost kegeled out, the door opens. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yes. The OG made it. A quick peek revealed (close your ears) no sharts. Life, is good.
So’s I walked out, stopped by the Redbox for Maynard’s honey do list of two movies (the same GD/gosh darn Redbox where he’d rented 7 one-dollar movies a few months back and my mortgage check beat the Redbox fees to the bank and each one-dolla movie now cost me one-dollar and a thirty-three dolla bank overdraft fee. Shit. VICTOR DON’T SAY THAT WORD NOW. REMEMBER? It’s all good. I done went.
So, I’d had a thought whilst squatting of “someplace I need to go (in the opposite direction of home) before I go home. Started driving. Couldn’t remember exactly where it was I was going. You OG you. I know, am. Resemble that. Got seven blocks past where I finally remembered where I was going, turned around, prolly wasted a dollar-two-eighty in fuel, but as least I remembered. Two for one cigs. Yep.
The old (OG) saying still holds… there’s two things about getting old are: 1) you have trouble remembering… and the second one is…………………………. Ahm… . Er…… well,
You know.
Being an OG ain’t bad. It makes for fun when you access sites on the web and WTF did I put that user ID login code thingy happens. Taking the month of January to complete onea those GD squiggly "Word Verification" thingys.. You see classmates from the day, think “holy shit.” Then you look in mirror and remember “hell, I look just like ‘em.”
I’ll take “OG”.. I’ve earned these crow’s feet baby. I realize life is an hourglass. I (very much) miss the “OG”s that have departed aheada me, so I dote on the G’s and YG’s today even much more. Decidedly so. I decided!
Life is good. Life is long (I use that one when I’ve had a down moment… like when the public bathroom door DIDN’T open in time) VICTOR!!!!!!!!.. Life is fleeting. Life is fun, even as an OG.
With love, until the day I pee my pants and forget my name, Victurd. (No pun intended.)
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