Slip sliding away....

Ya know the nearer your destination the more your slip-sliding away... Freezing rain/slush yesterday afternoon - and there I was 35 miles from home.. Ahm, SEE-YA! I'm am the worst (best?) white-knuckled driver of alltime. By the time I finally reach wherever I'm going, the backa my neck is as hard as a 2 by 4. Chicken, but I get there.

Hey, I made in time to watch Oprah. I never get to see Oprah. Some dude on there about weight loss. To refresh, I started at 214.. was at 207.. ate whateverinthehell I wanted this past week - 208 at the gym last night. Anyways, goal now is 179 lbs. What? Ain't that a little extreme? Nah, not really. You see, Dr. Oz (the weight loss feller) says "if a man loses 35 lbs, he gains an inch of length to his penis." Hehe. I really probably oughta go for 70 lbs - but sadly I am a realist too...

Bush is in the Mid-East, another youth gunned down here in KC, fire in home for the disadvantaged... all makes me want to turn to weird news insteada the regular ole fill-in-the-blanks crappy stuff.

Oh yeah.. De Queen, AR: Feller arrested for trying to leave music shop with guitar stuffed down his pants. Hehe. Reminds me of the time my ex mother in law (at age 70+) was flagged down by employees at The Elvis Restaurant in Memphis for having their huge 'souvenir' menu stuffed down her pants.

In Boston a former stripper was placed on five years probation for mailing condoms filled with flammible material to various men.. "Tired of being mistreated by men all these years." Would that be considered tat for tit or tit for tat?

Say it ain't so Andy! Preacher in Mt. Airy, NC arrested for brandishing gun during his sermon. (Actually, charged with possession of a firearm by a felon.) "Looky here bitch, you're gonna tithe OR ELSE!"....

In Ohio, former HS principal brought to court on charges of kissing the feet of three male students. "The principal told authorities that the kissing was pay-up for a bet over a student-teacher volleyball game. He paid each student $15 and kissed their feet 50 times in the school's library and gym." It had absolutely nothing to do with the foot fetish material they found on computers from the dude's office. Hehe.

And from Chuck Shepherd's News of the Weird: Three successful election candidates (one for the Alaska school board, another for a Texas state House, and a North Carolina county soil and conservation board) all were elected into office - in spite of the fact they are dead.

In Des Moines, IA some 45 year old intoxicated chicky was arrested at the Big Tomato Pizza joint for boisterously complaining about why her food was taking so long to be ready. (An employee noted she hadn't ordered yet.)

Ok, thanks for the respite from the real world. Or, I guess it is the real world - just a lefthanded take. The lighter the better. Stay outta the ditches and in the gutter - or - sumpin' like that. Happy day, Victurd.

Polly wanna cracker?

A good friend recently said (very complementarily) "can you really be that fwiggin happy all the time?" And no, I probably ain't... After reacquainting myself with the story of Pollyanna – and Googling same – yeah, I reckon I do carry some of those characteristics...

Yahoo tells me Pollyanna is generally someone who is cheerfully optimistic – but it's also become "a somewhat derogatory term for a naïve person who always expects people to act decently, despite strong evidence to the contrary." Yeah, that too is me... I do want good. And, uh huh, I get let down sometimes when I see mean streaks in folks – or, an unwillingness for another to want to display happiness. To me, it’s a choice, the only choice. I very much enjoy observing mankind – and there, that word – mankind – I love kind men, or kind women. Uh huh, I hate hate hate – hate.

Digging further, the Pollyanna personality type is "a dependent personality." Uh huh, probably true.. "They base their behavior so as not to offend".. Oh yeah, me again. "Fear of disagreements" – yeah, s'morea me. "Lack of self esteem" – yup, sometimes. Whatshername, the $25,000 lady, always said "you need someone." And, uh huh, I probably do.

I think we’ve all probably visited the depths to the point of sometimes not liking ourselves – all probably languished in misery when we haven't lived up to our own expectations – but what the hey – we're human. I take joy whenever I hear the word "nice" associated with my name. Again, I've let my ownself down time after time – and I've done some pretty shitty things in the past I'm not proud of… but for the most part – I likes me.

I do love life. No, you sonofabitch, you shouldn't tailgate within three inches of my checkenginelight bumper.. Look here, bitch – yeah you, the one at the gas station where I've been spending my (mostly) hard earned dollars for years – is it so fucking hard to smile and NOT be so mean? Can you say T-H-A-N-K-S?... I cannot believe that kid walking there looks so angry. What feeds that anger?... Talent/McCaskill: SHUUUUUUDDUPALREADY…

I be guilty. Life is good. I hate hate. I love life. I likes me ok too. That's the way, uh huh uh huh, I like it.. Love to all, PollyannaVicturd

Eleanor Rigby, $25,000.. 200,000 and 18'

Tis my hope everyone had a safe and Happy Thanksgiving... I was gonna go to Central Missouri to a gathering - but decided against at last minute.. Celebrated at Waffle House instead - and hey, all was good... Then, watched football game with an old work bud, his wife and their two nieces.. then, went to some joint to dance after - but, again, at last moment I decided I was too old, too white and too tired - so I just gyrated from my chair! (And besides, there wasn't anyone there within 20 years of me... Wasn't up for hearing "Damn, look at that pervert!"}

I rarely talk politically 'cause I have this great fear of coming across as the simpleton I probably am... Events this past week are leading me to stray from the course..

Remember why we said we were going to Iraq in the first place? Sure, weapons of mass destruction... well, they never turned up - and ironically they just discovered a three year old video of Saddam Hussein demonstrating how to use (I ain't kiddin') a slingshot, as well as a compound bow.. "We've got to train all our people how to use these." Aye yai yai.. Don't get me wrong - I think the atrocities over there warranted his ouster - but there had to be a better way.

The events in the last week in Iraq speak of civil war - and to me, nows the time to get the hell outta there while the gettin's good.

Also, I remember as a kid onea my favorite toys was a remote controlled car... Incredible what we can do nowadays.. Unmanned aircraft.. Rockets into space.. And then you have yaywho's who purposely drive vehicles loaded with hundreds of pounds of explosives into buildings.. I know I know, they then become a martyr, but I'm thinking like "DUH"...

Uncle Sam has sent a team of experts into Kansas City to determine why there is so much crime - and particularly crime within our youth.. Brother kills brother over food.. Daughter kills mother due to holding her to incredibly high academic standards...

Just one's opine - access to weapons is too easy. Guns usedta be for hunting, that moved to "for protection" and now it's onto "aggression." So much anger, so little valuation of mankind... I don't know the answers.. I hate guns. Yes, I go to Price Chopper and buy ground beef - but I still have the freedom to hate guns.

Our moral standards have slipped.. Eleanor Rigby was a catchy tune from "my day" (GD - gosh darn, you're sounding old here Victor... eh, mebbe).. at the dance joint we went to the other night - back to back songs were "Lemme see you shake your ass" and "I want to fuck you like an animal." Me thinks Father McKenzie is turning over in his grave...

The $25,000 is the amount of equity I will be paying Tuesday of next week.. House passed FHA.. the finality of the Victor/whatshername thingy... at least the finality of the legal ramifications - I'ma thinkin' other impacts from all that will last the remainder of my life..

Left work the other night... Speedometer read "199,993 miles." Seven miles down the road was an overturned car with a youth who'd been thrown out.. died that night at the hospital.. sad.. today, as I stop at work to type this before heading to Branson/see Maynard.. another car upside down - within feet of where the first accident happened.. Please travel safe.. who cares if one is 5 minutes late for work.. misses the first scene of a movie... arrives 10 minutes after the time you said you'd be there.. 200,000+ miles now checkenginelight - please take me to Branson and back safely!

Eighteen feet. I pulled into my drive today... Damned ole squirrel on my roof.. He pitter-pattered halfway across.. snuck toward the gutter, stuck his snout out over and peeked down.. "Hmmm.. nope.. hell no, not here.".. Then he angularly pitter-pattered s'more, again slid down to the gutter.. peeked - lo and behold next thing I knew he was airborne.. looked like an Olympic Ski jumper.. jumped ten feet out, eight feet down into a prickly bush.. I thought sure he'd be stabbed, have broken limbs, et al.. Ten seconds later he's on the ground crunching nuts from the ground. A bluejay happened into the bush and let the squirrel know he was invading his territory. Ya gotta love nature.

Belated Happy Thanksgiving, Victurkey...

Amber Alert? Lost baby?

Well, no, not actually - but I have reduced this fat bod from 214 to 207.. so ain't 7 lbs about whata baby might weigh? Kudos to me? Not no's, but hells no's... It's a lane I've been down before (though this has been the most 'pregnant' I've ever been)... Life here in the cyclical lane...

So, question. Just whereinthehell do those pounds go? I looked on highway 291.. I checked out Lee Drive.. I peeked under my bedcovers.. Shook my sweat pants.. I can't find 'em.. I ain't been poopin' any more/any less.. TV ads say, at my age, I should watch to see if I pee too frequently – nope – ain’t been doin' that… It ain't like that guy on Subway where he peels off his face, fat body suit and you can see it laying on the floor.. Hell, we need medical help here.. CJ? Where do lost pounds go? To the 'lost and pound'? WHEREINTHEHELL IS CJ? (You put the lime in the Corona you drink it all up you put the lime in the Corona and call me in the morning –ooooh oh uuuhhh, I said DOCTOR)…

And, it's been like 7 years since my last weight-lifting-cardio binge...Ahm, then, when I looked in the mirror I thought "hell yeah baby… you GOT it"... This time I look in the mirror – and I see an old guy trying to fool nature.. Mirror says "give it up you old codger – won't be long before your walkin' around with a load in your drawers and you won’t even know it..." Oh well, working out does make one feel a little better… The hardest part is quite frankly opening the front door to go - BUT

I read – if one exercises cardiovascularly (did I spell that crap right) for THREE hours in a week – then one actually GROWS new brain neurons... Hey – this may be the ticket… Workout/make a few brain cells – go have a beer/kill a few brain cells, and get up and do it allover again! Hell, I may live through five or six wives – ya never know… "Welcome to WalMart – damn baby, didn't I see you at Bingo last night? Mercy - you gotta nice booty. Wanna take a 50 mph ride down Interstate in the left lane with our turn signal on?"

Ok, it's time for "The Seasonal Seven." Seven pounds, that's the average weight gain between Thanksgiving and the New Year... What the hey we needs the Holidays.. – 'ceptin for our birthday – oh, and shootin' 'em off once a year (oh, and the 4th of July too!) we ain't got much celebration/me/we time in our lives.. I can add those seven – and do that shit allover again… Life, it be cyclical..
Love you very much, love you very much – Victurd.

Humor....

For whatever reason, I just can't... It's a special time of year - and it's time for the innards to churn in wonder over Thanksgiving's past, present and future.... It's my hope everyone lived great experiences as a child - and has as fond of memories as I.. I know that's perhaps not the case - and if it wasn't the case - I hope you can "Buck O'Neil - it" and place a positive spin on things (I've got no problems "spinning" the old Thanksgivings - it's these ones of late I need to "Buck-it")...

Buck always dug down to grab good... He could make a trip for a root canal sound fun.. Tis interesting to me to have the view from other's shoes... Occasionally, I drop into self-pity - think about "why did this happen... why did that happen.. it's not fair.." etc, etc - and then I see Buck smiling.. Seems we choose our demeanor - and it is a choice...

So, when I lay me down to sleep - hey, at least I've got cats to share my warm waterbed with -- the Buck spin to sleeping alone would perhaps be "Oh my, my, my.. to walk in from that cold... take my trousers off... sllllide into that bed... uh-uh-uhhhhh... the warmth... feels SO good.. and I'm wisked to sleep by the sounds of purrs... I couldn't paint it any better."

Thanks for the wakeup call Buck.. I know there are family's with loved ones sleeping on a pallet on the sands of Iraq... children in lean-to's in Africa... men and women under bridges across our land... and ya know what - many of them choose to smile and soak up the good in life...

So, I ain't saying "forgive me Father for I have sinned" --- rather please forgive me for those moments I selfishly get PO'ed because so-and-so has it 'so-much-better', I don't have this/that, I usedta have this/that, I hate this/that in my life... life it be pretty good actually.

I'm thankful for hearts that allow love to happen.. tear ducts that allow our emotions to 'boil over'.. smiles that allow our innards to become outtard.. touch that says "hey, you're ok, and I'm thankful to know you"...

If you're like me and you occasionally slip - hey, it's Ok... Let's make a pact and try to remember other's eyeballs are upon us... and if they happen to be younger eyeballs - they're watching ours to learn how to live life themselves..

One recent Thanksgiving - there were 20+ of us around one bigass table spread through the living room and the TV room... one by one we went around and said what we're thankful for... I've found it kinda therapuetic to simply practice that speech in my head as I drive... Well, I would say this-this-and-that.. and before you know it - you look in the mirror and there's ole Buck smiling...

Thanks... really.... Victurd

Gobbledygook......

A day in the life... So I go to my bank account online.. I see "Credit Converted Paper Reject Check #"... I don't know whatinthehell it means, but, jualah - I've got $23 more than what I thought I had in there... yippee... life is again good..

So, bought three packs of cigs for the price of two WITH a $3 off coupon (YES, that's right, I'm sharing my skid marks with the WORLD!) Went and worked out - I sweated my ass off: grunt, groan, lift, press, up, down, ouch, damn, wow, (girl in spandex walked by) huff, puff, grrrr, strain, more sweat, holy shit, (girl in spandex now walking in other direction) drinka water, crunches, I HATE crunches (and Kendra screw you, I did 150 last night) lift, curl, lat, abs, to the elliptical machine - "stand back little missy, you punks nowadays are soft", Twenty minutes I was kickin’ some booty (tooty fruity oh Rudy)..

GOOD LORD (lady in spandex now bending over to get all her belongings, leaving) run, run, run, run, faster, faster, faster, faster, count the calories burned, see the distance mount, huff, puff, cough -cough (oh sorry, I’m a smoker).. run, run, sweat, sweat… grabbed my coat and grabbed my hat - made the bus in seconds flat – oops - sorry - Beatles playing in background..

Go to sauna, sonofabitch I was forced to share with two bikini clad 20-something chickies (oh well, I'll make do) sweat, drip, cough, cough, (sorry, I’m a smoker) huff, puff, and FINALLY relax…

Go to scale.. hey.. what’s up.. it went PAST the 210 mark... no way! S'more and s'more... GD (gosh darn) all I've had to eat is peanut butter and bread... whats the deal Lucille? 214 – again? I give up... I'm retiring.. OH MY GOD (lady in spandex decides not to leave, enters sauna) maybe I will continue this working out.. I feel pretty good (trying to stick chest out past belly)...

andthenofcourseIwenttobarhadfourbeers(no coupons)brokelittlefingerplayingGoldenTbowling - lost to ‘friends’ who made fun and said “wowitsmellslikesomeoneherehasbeenworkingout” - I told them I hated them and they just laughed - I love life, even the bumps-in-the-road (broken finger, bikin-clad-chicks-that-are-way-too-young, spandex woman who has no interest, house payments ya didn’t think you were gonna have to pay – and of course checkenginelights).. Oh well, perhaps one day when I keel and have to be carried in coffin, I will select my Golden T buddies to have to carry my 214 lb fatass hehe, love Victurd

Get used to it......

The color of money. I've blabbed about my woes the last couple of days of 'money, lack thereof' - and ya know, I've had two of the best days in recent memory inspitea havin' justa few Georges in my wallet.

Hopefully this doesn't sound Forest Gump-ish, but...momma useta say "if I'da written a book about my childhood, I woulda entitled it 'Poor but didn't know it'."

I'm not so certain I'd know what to do if I had money... I've always paid my bills timely... Ok, ok, screw you Visa, so I was late alot, but the way you do your interest rate when us poor folk pay the minimum, it's like a vice. And, patooey, I finally paid you off and cut you in half. (I know I know, I got myself there too.)

Money dictates where we live. I had a friend tell me of her friend yesterday "next time, she plans to marry for love insteada money." So, for some, money dictates our partner - and while sure, that sounds sad - ya really can't blame someone for trying to fall in love with someone that happens to have money. Why not get the besta both worlds?

Perhaps it's rationalization, but I truly think I'd be happy galavanting allover the Contiguous 48 States, eyeballs open and ready to take in all there is to offer - and do odd jobs along the way to buy fuel/food, and uh huh, occasional drink. It's been a dreama mine - and mebbe one day I'll find a chicky with a similar dream to share the wheel with... Hells bells, I guess it wouldn't hurt if she was loaded - but - then I'm not real sure my conscience would allow me to do that...

Money grabs onto some and makes them work virtually 24/7 and miss life's goings on... but, it's of their own opting - so mebbe that's their dream... Many will stoop to ass-kissing to climb the ladder. Patooey. Climbing the ladder to me has virtually always meant "to get something off the shelf".

We kinda hang out with folks of similar income... In general, our kids hang with kids of similar income...

To me, it's all kinda bassackwards... The poorest people get the highest interest rates - so it's kinda like onea those little "Mole Bop Machines" ya useda see at Chucky Cheese Pizza - where you take the bopper, the moles try to surface and you just keep knockin' em back down, and back down - never able to surface for air.. The stronghold of money, or lack thereof.

Where I work, we've had a great year... and, we'll be rewarded.. and then next year it'll be "more... we need more." Never satiated. Never enough.

I've loved life - and I've loved virtually every job I've ever had. I just haven't had the wherewithall to plan for tomorrow properly. Sure, there are a lotta things I'd like to do that I'm prohibited from doing, but I've basically lived every day as I see fit... so perhaps that's my perk. My forte'.

On the rare instances I come home with a buttload from the boat, I just wanna give it away. Buy a lunch, buy a round. Mebbe I'm meant not to have money. Close your ears, I could really care less about money. As long as I've got Freud's basics needs covered - I'm cool. HEY WAIT - wasn't sex onea those basics? Tune in tomorrow when we'll discuss the current rate for a hooker in Kansas City. Ok, just teasing.

I'm sure I'm being repetitive here, but a saying I enjoy "there's nothing sadder than an unhappy rich person, for he has no hope." Is that my 'tonic', justification to stay plain ole plain ole? Eh, I dunno... mebbe. I just know I like life - and the cards that have been dealt thus far.. Sawa guy last night on the show "Show Me the Money"... He was (aside from being flaming gay) a pretty jovial chap. He'd accumulated $560,000 but ran the risk of losing it all.. When asked how he'd be if that were to happen he said "Hey, life has been my cake... I'm very happy.. this would just be the icing... if I lose it... it's still a wonderful cake." Right on.

Howabout you? What role does money play in your life? How important is it to you? Please, I'd love to learn from other's shoes.. Have a $weet Wedne$day, Victurd.

My neighbor has their Christmas lights up..........

So - what the hey - I'm gonna spout out on things I'm thankful for and you have my consent to call me a turkey for doing so so early.... (Can you write two so's in a row? Of course you can, it's America)

I'm thankful for the nipples on new tires... Why they're there I ain't got the foggiest but I'm glad they are...

I'm thankful for tears - both internally and outward ones - for they release the pressures from within...

I'm thankful for all your comments... Catom you lead the way - and I am way perked by each and every comment from all (Raye you're a close second!)..

I'm thankful for family.. I hope you love yours 'cause sadly I've learned there's no such thing as forever... I consider myself DAMN lucky to have been born into the nuclear family I was... My only regret is I didn't realize until too late how brief we are here on the planet. I don't mean I didn't love, nor didn't pay attention, I guess I just mean I wish they coulda stuck around longer for their sake, and yes, selfishly for mine.

I'm thankful for pets and their unconditional love.. I could do without their poop, but it's a small trade off I guess...

I'm thankful for email in that with a few quick strokes one can reach out and touch...

I'm thankful for sunrises, sunsets, Florida beaches and Rocky Mountain highs...

I'm thankful for wife #1, whom kinda-sorta spit me out after 6 years, I feel fortunate to have loved.

I'm thankful for wife #2, whom kinda-sorta spit me out after 22 years, I feel fortunate to have loved.

I'm thankful for the potential of wife #3, and if the timeline mathmatically continues, it's projected she'll spit me out after 73 years, meaning I will have spent over $37,640 in Viagra during that time.

I'm thankful for passion, yours, mine, and hopefully one day we'll all find 'ours' if we havent already...

I'm thankful for plastic bubble wrap... It really helps me during frustrating idle times...

I'm thankful for dreams for life would sometimes be pretty mundane without them...

I'm thankful for Friends (particularly Jennifer Anniston)...

I'm thankful for Fritos,BBQ ribs, Peanut M&M's, Milwaukees Best Light, pecan pie and (close your ears) Church's Fried Chicken...

I'm thankful for water... Geez Louise can you imagine life without it?

I'm thankful for boring people - for they provide the impetus to more closely study effervescent folks...

I'm thankful for every minute I spend with my friends of color for as we do we are pissing allover the idiots from the first half of the century...

I'm thankful for the Liberty Bluejays, the Grain Valley Eagles, the Fulton Hornets, the William Jewell Cardinals, the Missouri Tigers, the Kansas City Royals, and the Kansas City Chiefs, and yes Cherryl I do enjoy the St Louis Cardinals too they are in my blood...

I'm thankful I live in a society where I can pretty much say or write anything I want about my opinions ideas and can do so without repercussion....

I'm thankful for the fact I've picked up on "Victor youre going on and on and on" and I see its time to end...

Three days.... no beer.......

Ahm, no. In addition to the "new me" exercise program - I haven't given up drinking. In fact - damn - I could use one.

Life's been flyin' along pretty decently actually - and then Friday the bastards @ the Mortgage Company included in their email "well... since the repairs to your house are taking longer than we anticipated, you probably should go ahead and make your November house payment." (The one they told me I could skip.) Shit. Damn. Darn. Shucks.

Dirty laundry - hell, we all get skid marks.... don't we? Whatshername usedta get soooo pissed when I'd mention aloud anything about our family/money/lack thereof..."See this shirt - it only cost $9" - followed by a stinging punch in the back to my kidney! screw that - I'm posting my woes on the internet!

I had $882.13 socked away - thinking "hell yeah, no house payment until December. Money for the boat, the bar, maybe even Kohl's clearance rack. I can dig it."
Oh shit. <-- every time I say that, I think of the way an Oriental says it.. makes it a little more impactive! Oh shit!...

Ok, so.. after I make my house payment... ahm.. take away.. drop the number down one.. ahm, that leaves me with $96.07 till payday Friday. Criminy. And, the rotten little bastard hasta come back and re-appraise all my repairs and my bathroom floor ain't got flooring. Oh shit.

Home Depot.. Ahm ma'am? At .47 cents per square foot, ifn's I do 12' x 5', that'd only be about $30 wouldn't it?.. So.. we pick out the rug... she lowers the roll for closer inspection - and now ready to cut.. WAIT - this stuff is GREEN.. I painted my bathroom red - that ain't gonna work - I thought it was black... Well, we do have some black - hang on.. She turns the automaticcarpetspinnerthingy to the black carpet.. GD, $.54 cents per square foot. This means, either I ain't havin' cigs, beer, food, or - the cats will just have to wait to payday to eat. Ok, cut me off somea that stuff.. Need some glue? (Vi$ion$ of dollars going thru my head).. Ahm, no.. that's ok, I'll staple that crap in...

Fifty-eight dollars and nine cents. Gotta drive 60 miles round trip 4 days, eat, drink, and try to be merry. Emergency Fund? Everyone has an emergency fund don't they? Well sure... Mine? Well.. at night I place my change ontopa my dresser.. when times get tight - I peek in my sock drawer and collect up all the pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters that mighta slipped into the sock drawer... jualah - my emergency fund.

To Price Chopper for "this weeks groceries"... aka, a jara peanut butter and a loafa bread. WHATTTTT? $.75 for the cheap stuff? Last time I was here it was $.69 cents.
Hey - at least Skippy is on sale - YEAH! $2.61 sir and you saved 19 cents... Screw you lady - you raised your friggin bread price 6 cents, I didn't save shit.

Let's see, take away... drop down.. I've got Fitty-five-fitty-five left. Oh shit. I forgot to do laundry. There's no way.. AHA. New double washers for only $2.00! Yeah! I packed and I packed clothes in there - and then I packed s'more.. YES, YES, the door actually shut! (Ahm, ya might not wanna get to close to me this week if you work with me.)... $.75 each for the two dryers... Fitty-two-o-five left.

Twenty dollars in gas Monday morning will get me through 'til I can writea hot check Thursday for gas/cigs (then, automatic payroll deposit Thursday night)... Hey Vic, we're going to Applebees for lunch - wanna come along? Ahm, does the cashier still have those five cent mints? Ah - no thanks, I got some tidbits I gotta do, gonna work thru lunch...

$32.05 left til Thursday... one packa cigs in car. Three days, no beer. Sum'bitch. THE EMERGENCY FUND!!... YES, YES.. ok.. so... a dime, a nickel, two pennies... Thirty-two-twenty-two left. Here kitty kitty.. why don't you go out in the garage and see if there are any mice out there?.. hehe..

HEY WAIT! THE OFFICE POOL.. I haven't checked my numbers... The Chiefs were miserable.. but maybe I lucked out.. It's $75 for halftime, $150 for final score.. Ahm.. I had.. 8-9... 4-6.. 5-5.. Oh, great numbers... Lemme see.. halftime.. GD, the vice president won... like HE needs it... Ok, final score.. 13-10. Oh noooo, come on.. The President? Shit, there's a weeks gas for his Lincoln Navigator. Criminy.. Will they remember my name at the bar? What will a day without cigs be like?

Oh shit, I'm a chocolate mess... I'm so thirsty, I'd even drink a plain ole' Budweiser... at least I got peanut butter and bread... WHAT???? CRUNCHY?? I DIDN'T BUY CRUNCHY.. you only get HALF as many sandwiches with crunchy... GD-it.. (Gosh darnit).. Actually - this has been a good experience.. my eyes have slowed down to appreciate things more... Me thinks the poor people (likes me) appreciate life justa tad more.. Believe me - I do... I can already taste that beer I'm gonna have Friday.

Whether you are rich or poor - I hope that doesn't have anything to do with money. Dirty laundry, with Love, Victurd$

Crunches, Binges, Bulges and Grudges

Crunches

Have you ever done crunches? To me its like when youve gotta take supersized BM and you strain and you strain... Ok sorry for the visual but its twue it's really twue.....

Im takin the slowboat... if it hurts I'm friggin backing off.. yes, yes I am.

Me,of albino like color, have never been one to expose my damn body (As a child I was the laughingstock @ the JFK pool 'cause I hadta weara damn white TShirt).. Those little shits at the gym that walkaround in their friggin tank tops with their stuff falling out allover.... pisses me off.... cover up young man... I'm an old person - Ill never get there so don’t rub it in... Actually Ive never had buldges of any kind to be extremely proud of - but let's keep that our secret...

And.. you women in the gym... holy shit... cover up too wouldya? You too are creating bulges - I mean how I am to cope with mixing the friggin emotions of "OH MY GOD" with "GD (gosh darnit) THIS HURTS"????

Binge... Im ona little binge... and I love it... My life has been allabout binges... Jobs, women, favorite things to do, sports.. you name it.. Binges.. Not bulges... Binges... Im hell on wheels for awhile... then the tires flatten out.... Long about spring training time my workout clothes will probably stay folded away in the dresser.... I will collect pounds around the waist as I slovenly BBQ it.. immerse in the fellowship and comeraderie of my townie cronies... and then start this crap allover again in a year... Seasonal I guess you'd call me...

I know this ain't interesting but you're stuck - stuck with me and who I am/what I do/all that crap...

On a side note: The rotten bastard that put his hand on my belly and asked my due date - I kicked his ass the other night in Golden T Bowling - and he's LEGENDARY for it.. "Hey you've been practicin!" Nope its all about grudges.. Not crunches... Not bulges... Grudges... Nanny nanny boo boo - stick your head in doo doo... Speakinowhich: Kendra can you hear me? Ive lost 4 - count 'em - FOUR pounds to date.. Ha! Well I guess since I ain't datin' it's more like Four pounds to this day... Stick that up your little spandex outfit! With Love and Grudges, Victurd(s)

Ha Ha.........

Down to 210... It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood - a beautiful day in the neighborhood...

The $250 belly rub....

Ya know, I know my "wheels" are outta alignment.. I know I'm not living life down productive lane... Tis quite a switch to go from husband, father - to - life alone 'ceptin two cats... So.. I occasionally spoil myself..

OK, scratch that, I frequently spoil myself.. So what? If I wanta half slaba ribs by God, I'll have a half slaba ribs.. If I wanna buy a carton of cigs, I'm gonna... If I wanna yank $60 outta the ATM to play blackjack - here's my damn pin number... If I wanna have a cold one, play Motown on the juke box, dadgummit I'll order up a Miller Lite and play #1024 ("Ain't too proud to beg")...

And then it happened. Just after inserting my dollar into the juke - I reached for #1024 and this son-of-a-bitch I went to HS with grabs holda my belly and asks "so... when are you due?"... THAT DID IT. The onere asshole. Mebbe it was a shot I needed though...

He's right.. That belly rub told me "Victor you gotta calm down... eat better... cutback on the cigs.. save your 'frequenting' for a weekend night... manage your money better - ie - cutback on gambling."

"Hi, my name is Victor, I live here in Liberty.. and I'd like to buy an annual pass to this Community Center."... That's great Victor, please write me a check for $20, and then we'll withdraw $20 every month for the next twelve months outta your checking account.. oh, and the rate's going up firsta the year...

I didn't care... I had my sweats on... favorite MU shirt... as I whisked away from her desk - I was headed downstairs to the weight room with a vengence - a passion - I could damn near hear the Rocky song - and I wanted to shout out "YO ADRIAN" but I remember my cats names are Jackson and Figaro...

Standback whippersnapper - this is MY eliptical trainer... WOW - look at this old man's legs go! I'm on pace for a five minute mile... I can literally feel my lungs clearing up... Fitteen minutes - eh, that's good for tonight - and I never cutback on my pace.. YEAH!

Onto the weights.. oh.. first I'm gonna weigh... 214.. damn.. oh, but these sweats are real real thick, I bet at least three pounds.. and I wasn't gonna wear shorts - but I remembered I wanna do the sauna thing after - so there's another pound... and these clod-hoppers - they gotta be a pound apiece.. so mebbe it ain't as bad as it looks...

Move over son.. it's my turn on the bench press... YES, YES, YES... I wanted to scream out in my best Arnold "CAL-EEEE-FORRRRN-EYAAAA"... Screw "I'll be back" - honey I'M BACK. Curls for the biceps.. crunches to getta ridda my preggo looking belly...

Calves... triceps.. I was ona roll.. then I wenta work on my hammies... this one thingy where you lay down on your belly - butt all stickin' up in the air.. HA! Looky here you little pipsqeeks - I'm in the process of toning my way to the finest lookin' booty of any old AARP cardholder....

Around the circuit once... NO.. back again for more crunches... Come'on Betty - get the hell offa there.. it's MY turn.. Why, you've squirted out three kids anyways.. you ain't never gettin' that figure back.. hell, ifn's I were you I'd try that lipo dissolve thingy.. YES, YES, YES... over to the free weights... more curls... more tricep work.. AGAIN to the crunch machine.. and AGAIN...

The NEW me! I'm on my way... I feeeeeeeel great!... Mosta this sweat ain't from the sauna.. it's from me.. ohhhh baby does this feel good. I'm turning the corner - the wheels are rolling straight. I'm doing it - I'm doing it!

andthenIwenttotheCornerBar... hadthreebeers... smokedhalfapackacigs.. hadabagaNachoDoritos... andlost$5playingGoldenTBowling... played#1024"IKNOWyouwannaleavemebutIrefusetoletyougo"... ah whatthehell.. Rome wasn't built in a day. Happy day.. bye bye now.. Preggoturd.

Foggy Mountain Breakdown....

It's here... Election Day... and fittingly - the highways are shrouded with fog... bumper to bumper... slow going... assholes on your asshole... It's kinda symbolic of the perceived state of America...

Mudslinging has reached an alltime high (or, I guess that'd be low)... Liberals are believed to be gaining ground on the Conservatives... That gay guy goofed it up... oh, then Kerry provided some balance when he spoke before thinking... Whata mess...

Preachers and Priests involved in all kinds of trysts - from forced homosexuality to drug dealing.. Guns in school... hell, even Spike and Snoop are in trouble.. we're a troubled world...

America is outwardly depressed - so... we've gotta scrutinize more closely to "say it ain't so"...

Ok, let's try on Dick Hoyt - the feller who's taken his paralyzed son on over 64 marathons - and a host of triathlons, Ironmans.... Howabout Extreme Home Makeover? I know - it's fanfare - but twas wondrous to see the little gal with the hole in her heart get an entirely new, environmentally perfect house for her fam...

Ronald McDonald Housing... Four, count 'em, four in Kansas City.. Twenty five years of service..

Gimme the stories that don't make the front pages... gangs in Boston have a secret negotiated truce - crime down 80%... In Australia - a little feller going the opposite direction of a tractor trailer driver - notices the t-t driver slumped over the wheel - rig still in motion... turns around.. parks... on foot catches up with the truck.. takes the wheel... stops the vehicle he had no idea how to stop.. saves the day.. (Then by golly he went and hada beer.)...

The unsung stories.. the black and the white men who become best friends... young looking in on old... friends doing for friends... laughter displacing sadness... music - people dancing... children smiling...

Drive to the old part of your town - find the block with the oldest trees before nature knocks all the leaves off.. In our fine city, I recommend a ride down Ridge. See the beauty of nature. Pass out smiles.. Use touch.. Find someone deserving of a compliment - and wing one.. We each can be a piece to the jigsaw of a better America..

The smog of 487 tv channels, breaking news emails, talk radio, the ugliness of the printed word make optism difficult. Screw 'em... we gotta be. Please live life with a smile and your chin up.. and may you get laid with regularity... love, Victurd

Pro Cras TN 8

I think it was that little red headed snotnose that sang "The sun'll come out tomorrow so ya gotta hang on 'til tomorrow come what may - tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love ya tomorrow! You're always a day a way!

I'm gonna lose weight... starting in December... well, maybe after the holidays.. Hey, aren't Sonic Burgers half price tonight?

That damn cigarette tax happens - I'll quit... but then again, maybe for awhile I could slide over State Line and buy a carton...

October 1, 2005.. Whew! I gotta year to fixup this house before I haveta pay whatshername her portion of the equity... October 1, 2006. "Oh shit."

I'm gonna start putting away extra bucks to get ridda this checkenginelightstillchuggingpieceacrap... Holy crap - did you see the bargains on the 70% off rack at Kohls? I'm stopping there tomorrow right after I get home from The Ameristar...

I'm gonna write more... when I have time..

I'll get my semi-annual rate filing done sooooon. Oh shit, what have I been doing? I'm staying 'til 11pm tonight.. then I'll come back in at 4:30am tomorrow... (Screw that little Annie, the sun won't come up at 4:30.)

I ain't goin' to (enter local establishment here) in the middle of the week any more... Well what the hell, I've already worked 16 hours overtime this week... I'm gonna spoil me RIGHT NOW...

The sun'll come out tomorrow - bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow there'll be sun!

Just thinkin' about tomorrow clears away the cobwebs, and the sorrow 'til there's none!

I'm gonna get up early today and write... Damn this waterbed feels great.. and besides, I can't disturb the cats...

If your plans in life get waylayed - it's Ok.. The sun'll come out - tomorrow. Happy procrastinating... Victurd.