For those of you whom are already in a relationship, you won't have the foggiest idea what I mean. Those of you who are recent high school/college grads - well, hell, you won't be reading this anyways - but you'd be lost too.
I'm talking about internet dating - and specifically THE most popular dating site on the internet(or so Richard Dawson's "Survey SAID"): Match.com.
WHAT? The hell's he talking about "is it prostitution?".. Ya mean they got women on there tryin' to turn an extra buck in their spare time? Hell, what's that address again?
No, no, no, no. I'm talking "criteria". Among many things, one must fill out this stupid form and list: ethnicity, body type, height, Zodiac sign, "about me and who I'd like to date", height, eyes, hair, body art, best feature, for fun, favorite hot spots, exercise habits, smoke, drink, job, income, have kids, want kids, pets, faith, education, how often you shave your armpits (haha, gotcha)... and then the site pretty much asks the same about "About my date."
Well, some of these chickys.... (and I'll be the first to admit, that's pretty damn judgmental/accusational/prejudiced - but hell, I DON'T LOOK AT MEN'S PROFILES)... some of these chicky's kill me...
You'll be strolling along reading a profile... thinking "hey, she really sounds pretty together"... She too likes garage sales... thrift stores... camping... weekend getaways... etc, etc. "Simple things... it's the simple things that are important."
Ok, then you scroll to the point on "about my date" and the income bracket desired:
$75,000 - $100,000.........Holy shit Sherlock. Or, I just read a school teacher's and her date had to make a minimum of $150,000+... Now correct me if I'm wrong. I taught school once back in the dinosaur days. I remember vividly getting paid (not very well) once a month. It was Katy-bar-the-door the first week after payday (Steak, Ribs, dining out at places that actually had metal utensils, shrimp, etc, etc - GOOD STUFF)... Then - by the end of the month - after you'd gone thru the "ground beef mid-month" stage --- it was scraping the nooks/crannies of the Skippy Peanut Butter jar to obtain a makeable meal for supper until payday.
So................ I wants me a man. "Sense of humor a must"... "Must enjoy cuddling on the couch".... "As comfy in jeans as he is in a tux"... "He's gotta be laid back"....
BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, FOR ME TO LOVE THE BASTARD HE'S GOTTA MAKE 6-DIGITS A YEAR. I call that "whoring"..... or, Peni$ envy. Or "you ain't quite getting the big picture".... Or I spose, her prerogative.
Am I hearing correctly? So......... if some good-natured, damned hot (Tom Sellick look-alike), nice, laid back, friendly, hung-like-a-horse (sorry... some say that matters.... Shit, wonder why Match.com ain't got into that question yet!)... feller made $68,472 on his last tax year...... "Nope, it's $75K or else"... Don't even consider emailing me.
"Screw your $92,000 a year job... I'm holding out for $150K so I can sit on the couch, eat bon-bons, catchup on Days of Our Lives and order any fucking thing I want off E-Bay. I couldn't care less if you have your culinary degree."
Ok, maybe I'm jealous. Envious. I don't make that much. I'll be damned if I haven't turned the corner to where "climbing the ladder" actually means to get something one simply can't physically reach.
Honestly, I'm pretty liberal. Open to a lot. I would like to think though... should my weekly six Powerball numbers of 10-13-14-35-43-52 EVER come in.... I'd hope I'd run like hell from any chicks who quantify an elite income level. I've never farted thru silk. Tis my belief life can be pretty decently lived from Fruit of the Loom 100% cotton - and that fun, good times, love, devotion, camaraderie, adoration don't come at a minimum income level.
You whores you.
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