I opened the local paper...... No wait... first, I went to the driveway to fetch the local paper... and there, some 12 feet away was our small municipality's paper... .So, being 52, I kicked the small municipality paper over to the local paper so I could bend down in one fell swoop to grab both. (If you're under 30, you'll understand this one day.)
Upon further examination of the local paper(bigass metropolitan area) I learned bending down only once was probably not the thing to do, but I'm 52, and I'll damn well burn calories when I please.
We have the FYI section, which is light and frugal..... One of today's topics was "How to lead a healthier life"....... and they listed, yes, the Top Ten ways......
1. Drink a cup of tea in the morning.
(I abhor tea so I substituted coffee here.)
2. Walk for 30 minutes a day. (Occasionally, I do go the the HS track and do this, and sometimes I park "uptown" walk a fifteen minute loop thataway, and then fifteen minutes "the other way." Today, however, I had plans after work, so I purposely peed (or tried) 63 times today - and it's a 15 second walk one-way - so all is good.
3 Quit smoking. (I did this several times today... After first break. After lunch.. After afternoon break.. On drive home when I'd smoked my last one. Will again when I retire after this stupid blog.)
4. Have a glass of wine every evening. (Substituted 2 beers with buddies after golf. Eh, alcohol is alcohol.)
5. Take five minutes a day, close your eyes in a quiet room and practice deep breathing. (Scroll to #3, I will do this when I retire after this stupid blog.)
6 Talk to a friend (whether in person on the phone or via e-mail) every day. (Easily accomplished today... hell, I played golf with three co-workers, and here I am on this blog talking to both of you... or to you if you are the only one left... Or to me, since I do reread this to see if it's possibly very damn stupid.)
7. Eat fish twice a week. (Screw this one - I HATE fish, but tomorrow is the Burrito special at Margarita's.. it's a bigass thing, only $3.80, and it does resemble a largemouth bass. Check.)
8 Take a multivitamin with minerals. (Ran to kitchen, I had them in cabinet, but were dated 4/21/02. Perhaps like fine wine. Gulp. Yuck. Check.)
9. Eat whole, natural foods rather than boxed or processed foods. (I'm a PE major, I should know this shit. I'm afraid though, I needs me an escort to the Piggly Wiggly to point out whole, natural foods. Don't laugh, but where else besides the produce section can one find whole, natural foods?)
10. Get a good night's sleep. (Scroll to one of them numbers up there, previously discussed.)
Ok - if you're like a damn kid, you ALWAYS hear. I will admit, I probably knew all of the above - and I seriously considered doing several.. tomorrow. I know I know, life is just too bigga damn hurry to stop and do all this right. Richard Simmons probably does all of the above, but I find it hard to make him a role model. Now if Captain Kangaroo had spouted out these rules, hell yes.. I woulda listened. He was rather large though, I think he couldn't find the whole, natural isle at Piggly Wiggly either.
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Today's Highlight:
I'm a peabrain upon occasion, and sometimes the smallest things excite/perk me. Where I work, we dial internationally alot. You have to dial 9 to get an outside line, then 1.. .then generally 0. Well.... many many times someone slipfingers after the 9 and the 1, and they hit another 1. Forty-two seconds later, an announcement comes over the intercom "Someone just dialed 9-1-1, the local police are on the phone wanting to know if there's an emergency."
It's happened time, and time again. So much, to the point our local police department is now charging us for each errant 9-1-1 call.
So...... They called in the phone installation people (@ probably $200/hr) to change the "get an outside line" from 9, to 7. We've not had any 9-1-1 calls since.
However, we have these reminder 8 and 1/2 sheets of paper posted everywhere that state in size 48 type:
PLEASE
REMEMBERR
TO
DIAL
7
So........... In my best chickenscratch size 48 type writing Iinterjectedd two words.
PLEASE
REMEMBER
TO USE
DIAL SOAP
(And I whited-out the 7's)
One chicky walked up and said (here's the daily highlight) "I recognize your writing, and I LOVE your sense of humor!)......
Three hours later........ they took all the sons-a-bitches down.
Not to worry...... still taped to the coffeemaker in the breakroom is my sign "THIS AREA IS UNDER VIDEO SURVEILLANCE.... WE KNOW WHO YOU ARE IF YOU DON'T MAKE THE NEXT POT OF COFFEE".... Hell, it's worked even as good as the "Dial 7 first thingy."
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