Jump….

Jump words.. Jump on this damn page! NOW! I command it!

Hi. Me again. Wrapping up another weekend of same ole same ole.

Highlights (lowlights?) of my weekend:

* I swear to goodness the barkeep where I was Friday had peed her pants. Eww.

* Cleaned out the “Hot, Rod.. Lincoln.” Kissing that puppy goodbye after a tumultuous one year “extravaganza”? Mr. I’ll Buy Your Crap and turn it in for cash where they smash it to smithereens.” I sure hate to see the new $185 battery get smashed. Or, the $198 new alternator. Or, the Power Steering pump (replaced twice @ a cost of $400 plus each time) crunched. But, ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

Come to think of it. Cars are like relationships ain’t they?

The GPS systems in them nowadays tell you very much where to go, what to do.

If there is no compromise in a relationship, it’s like having a dead battery, a flat tire, a torn serpentine belt, or a badly damaged doomo-flagie.

Cars, like relationships, have that rear view mirror to see where all ya been. And, the wonder ahead of the miles/path ahead.

Hell, nowadays, they’re even routinely equipped with alarms. Akin to “oh shit, what now” in a relationship.

Cars can be guzzlers. Leak. Spew. Spit. Hiss. Moan. Overheat. Actually ride smooth. And sometimes, they just take up space. I’m feeling comparable vibes to relationships, and plain ole people.

Nowadays, they’re expensive (both). You plan trips rather than “hey, let’s go take a spin.”

Why they even have junk in the trunk, or more accurately, baggage.. (And baggage compartments.)

Sometimes they’re slow to warm up. Sometimes they get all revved up.

Cars too, follow relationship paths of up, down, turn here, one way, or, “Shit, we’re lost.”

There are Hummer relationships, Nineteen-ninety-five Hot - Rod - Lincoln relationships, leases (live ins), economy models, Big’ns (F-350), and your Plain Jane Taurus models.

People pimp their relationships, and their ride.

Cars, and relationships, always have an end. Whether it’s the 1972 Pontiac with 56,000 miles on it left in the little old lady’s garage after her hubby’s demise.. A wreck (affair, falling out, drifting apart, drastic change in one’s behavior)… or sometimes, ya just get ridda ‘em. (Or, in the case of the HRL, it got ridda me… as did #1 (7yrs) and #2 (took her a bit longer, 20+ yrs).. Sometimes, death occurs. Junk yards are just about as depressing as cemeteries.

There are magazines about cars and relationships. The “title” is the marriage license. Perhaps the lien is the pre-nup. The financial manager is your banker or your mortgage holder.

Both need bathed regularly. There are tune-ups (vacation), lubes (sharing a cold one, or bottle of wine), tire rotations. (“I’m sleeping on the coach tonight.” or worse “YOU’RE sleeping on the coach tonight.”)

Life, relationships and cars - are a ride. Ups downs. Sometimes on cruise control. Sometimes bumpy. Old buddy once said ‘no matter what you drive, there’ll always be bumps in the road.”

Relationships and cars. The first parting (relationship numero uno) was very cordial, and inexpensive. The second one… I refinanced the house, paid her her portion of the twenty years of equity, my house payment went up a hunnerd.. Ie, costly.. (She underwent a ‘tire rotation’ but insteada from the bed to the sofa, she went from the bed to another bed… in a different house!)

For the HRL… I will soon see some chump change in my hands from the guy who scraps out old heaps. Now that’s the way relationships should end. Cars don’t have inlaws. You don’t have to go to court to part ways.

Victor, you’ve pushed this one about as far as you can push it. Yeah, sorry. You’re right. I was all revved up. Both hands on the wheel.

Get your motor runnin'
Head out on the highway
Lookin' for adventure
And whatever comes our way
Yeah Darlin' go make it happen
Take the world in a love embrace
Fire all of your guns at once
And explode into space

I KNEW you couldn’t make it thru a damn blog without breaking out into song. Yeah, sorry, rectum I couldn’t. Ya know? I really think she’d peed her pants.

Love, Victurd.