Here goes…

Ya ever get that feeling like the first time you went off the high dive? You courageously climbed up the ladder, worrying, “this could be my last day on the planet!”.. You tippy toed out to the edge… peered… and froze…

That’s been my writing outlook of late.. I get here.. Freeze..

Topic, can’t picka topic. There was a shrink dude on some website - and he was discussing OCD. No, not that one… Obsessive Compulsive Dating. Now that I haven’t done in quite sometime (if ever).. But, I'll admit to incessant checking of email (or phone)…. “Don’t hear back from someone I’m not even sure I wanna go out with again.”

This dude says with the anxiety, insecurity, uncertainty and stress that comes with dayting - it all triggers the production of dopamine and nor epinephrine (the body’s natural amphetamines)…and… unfortunately, at the same time suppressing serotonin activity (the body’s natural mood stabilizer)..

I dOn’T kNoW wHaTiNtHeLl He’S tAlKiNg AbOuT, nOnEa ThAt ShIt HaS aFfEcTeD mE!

Dating is the pits, or can be. Sure, when it works it’s great too - but the fear of not knowing if it’s gonna work.. (“What if I pull up in the driveway, take one look, and wanna put the car in “R” for ‘race’, as in home?”)… What if I like her/him, I really really like her/him - and I’m left out on that limb only to be sawed off and plopped to the ground?

Of late, I guess I’ve done what this dude calls “Date detox”… I just ain’t been. Not so sure it’s afforded a bucket load’a serotonin - but it has helped fend of the woes of fearing rejection, worrying about how much the tab is gonna be, finding new and interesting things to see/places to go, fear of being able to eek out “I just don’t feel it for you.” ß ALWAYS been hard for me.

With dating comes the occasional kiss. With a kiss, our mindest is varied. For some, it could mean “I see myself all gussied up walking down the aisle at church”… for others “This sure feels good, not real sure, but heck, I am horny as hell.” ß- ALWAYS been hard for me.

The dread of the dreaded “not knowing for sure“ (EITHER way) - perhaps has me wanting date detox. If I stop, I won’t haveta “not answer” that instant message of the one I really ain’t interested in. If I stop, I won’t have to get feelings hurt by seeing the note I’d sent “read, deleted.” I won’t haveta wait, froth, and compulsively check for that email that ain’t there. (At lunch at work, I always leave the gang a couple minutes early to announce “I’m going in to see how many women didn’t email me.” Sadly, true!)

Dude surmised “Put the time you would put into dating into yourself: work, friends, new challenges and goals. We live in a culture of instant gratification and high-speed delights. We don’t like to wait, whether it’s for a cup of coffee or our one true soul mate. But a little patience is probably just what you need to step off the treadmill and catch your breath.”

And mebbe… mebbe… mebbe… what if one day “Oh shit! This is working! NOW WHAT? What about Maynard? What about this G-forsaken house? What about the cats? What about this town I’ve grown up in and deeply love? My house or her house?”

Mebbe freezing on the edge of the high dive ain’t such a bad gig afterall. That’s a long drop. Hurts. Sure, humiliating to go back down the ladder, but it’s an option. Dopamine schmopamine.

“Hi, this is Victor. I can’t come to the phone (or dating website) right now, I’m on the edge’a the high dive - but, if you’ll leave a message, I’ll get back to you just as soon as I can…. Mebbe.”

Call me. 867-5309. We’ll do lunch. Love, Victurd