Blue 88... Blue 88... SET... HUT.. HUT

Al Bundy, sideline High School football reporter here. (Oh shit, another sport's column... seeya next week.) Yeah, I know. Whilst it seems the only folks occasionally swinging by here are chickies - this ain't perhaps the best road to go down --- but then again, I know you're all Chiefs or Rams fans -- which is fancy for "GD did you see how tight that #88's ass looks in those pants?"... so... I'll go down it...

A week ago, I went to the biggest hyped game in the Kansas City football scene since.. well, whenever the last biggest hyped game was. Home team had a winning streak of 29 games, my own "God's Country" team tweren't bad themselves - and simply because enrollment-wise it's the biggest damn school in the state -- figured to be a good game.. and it was...

I'm more perked by the idiosyncrasies of it all... Like.. Julie calling Tammie from the ticket line to see where she's sitting. Like old farts from my hometown actually tailgating - they hadta get there hours in advance to park where they parked.. Like a kabillion dollars spent on athletic logo'd sportswear showing one's team pride...

Like a two year old who'd rather be behind the bleachers piddling in the dirt dressed as a team cheerleader, pom poms, team braids and all... Like Billy (sitting on the 30 yard line) calling Tommy (On the opposite 40 yd line)when a hot chicky walked by...

Like the Goth chicks. Johnny Cash - but with a creepy, spooky attitude to 'em.. Like the guy with the Mohawk - but it wasn't an ordinary Mohawk.. it had seven, count 'em, seven long cone-like thingys that pointed skyward minimally 7" long each..

Like the dad who stood up when his kid was hit in the back by the opponent "GET HIM BACK JOHNNY!!! GET HIM BACK!".... Oh there was the typical "YOU SUCK REF".. .and "OVER-RATED da da duh duh duh.. OVER-RATED"...

And.. the typical little snotnose shits who brought their own Nerf football - had their own game just beyond the end zone - and were oblivious as to why they were there.. There was the TV crew broadcasting the game... the announced introduction ("stand up and wave") of onea the local regular Sport's Anchors in the stands.. the traffic copter that doubles as the High School Football Report on weekends wisking in and out in what seemed like 8 minutes... (Hell, I've had sex longer than that -- but yeah, it's probably been awhile!)

Mebbe 15% of the people watch the game... It's more an event.. I mean really, unless your team happens to go 11-0, travel on to Columbia or St. Louie for the State Championship - who remembers this shit? People go because people are bored - it's an organized event - "they're going, I will too then" - and it's a social thingy.

Alan scores a touchdown, but he see's Suzie in the stands flirting with Dominique. Alan's pissed, but after the game they make amends - doink in the backa his '84 Cutlass - and two years later Suzie's folks are raising the kid whilst she goes to the local junior college -- and Alan is a mechanic in the adjoining town and has forgotten what Suzie (or his kid) looks like. Meanwhile, Dominique has started some dot.com thing, and spends winters in Palm Springs.. It happens everywhere in America.

The goody goods get together - MAYBE French Kiss at the prom - marry after graduating from college - then 20 years later he's convicted of being a pedophile and she's charged with embezzling monies from the Church Scholarship fund..

Stars from yesterday who now languish in menial jobs - come back so maybe, just maybe someone can look at them, recognize, and say "wow Billy.. you were awesome that one night... now what year was it you played... and what are you doing now?"..

Parents, grandparents, local-yocals, very-very obnoxious PA announcers, Uncle Ronnie on the chains - dying for a halftime cig... It's America... It's high school football...

I saw bullies. I saw folks dressed to draw attention to themselves (one had like three red light thingys on his shirt that lit up). I saw a thirteen year old (another Mohawk - this one the more traditional variety) in his T-Shirt announcing "I LOVE HOT MOMS".. hehe.. I shit you not, that's what it said. Can'tya just see him leaving home that night? "Here Irwin, wear this one, it's clean." The hell is that mom thinkin? Startin' them MILF lovers awful young nowadays.

I saw folks having a good time. I saw kids with boundless energy expending it. I saw relationships in the making. I saw divorced parents. Longtime married parents, longtime married grandparents. I saw loners (that was when I was driving home - I peeked in the rear view mirror - it was ME!)... Yes, I saw some nice looking women (GD I'm only human)...

I saw cheerleaders being tossed 17' in the air and I wondered "why?". I saw an injured player being semi-carried off -- only to return 100% AOK the next quarter 'cause the attention from the wound had worn off..

It was a great time... it was Americana... My hometown team did stop their 29 game winning streak.. but if you ask me in February - I won't remember what team it was they played.. Whilst our soldliers sleep in digouts in the sand.. Whilst children in Africa lay awake for fear of being mauled by a dangerous animal... Whilst the homeless man scrounges through the dumpster seeking a bedtime snack... Whilst the Alaskans are saying "GD I hate this six-month dark shit"... I was having a blast.. I'm thankful ole Lord... I really am..

Punt bad thoughts... Kick mean people in the teeth... Make a pass at a hotty you see... Put your hands on someone's butt when they bend over (hell.. the QB does it and nothing happens to him)... Throw a flag at work the next time that lady in accounting bitches and moans.. Score a touchdown with your significant other (Smooch after for the extra point --- or whatthehell, wait a few minutes and go for two.) Never forget....... I - ME - played high school football.
Love, AlBundyVicturd...