Co-worker last Thursday - strutted around in her white slacks and spouted "yep, decided to break out the white slacks one last time whilst I could still wear them."
The hell you mean?
"Oh... you CAN'T wear white slacks after Labor Day...it's fashion etiquette."
You gotta be shittin' me... I wonder at exactly what point after Adam and Eve that proclamation came... I hate stuff like that.. You know, like the proper order to silverware at a dining situation... "Start outside and work your way in." Hell, sounds a tad bit like sex to me - mebbe I do like that rule. On the other hand - I'd kinda getta kick outta sittin' across from Ms. Manners and watch her face when I used the inside fork to eat my salad... (Followed shortly by elbows on the table <-- hey, it's comfy..)..
I understand and obey laws, I hate societal do's and don'ts....
Went to that bellaonline thing.. i dunno, something about the voice of women... browsed.. .one question "What is considered appropriate and customary dress for men and women for a dinner party when the invitation states "Cocktail" attire?"
A. A dark well-tailored suit for men and a black or jewel-toned knee- or tea-length dress for women would be appropriate for cocktail attire.
Hell's bells.... Gimme my jean shorts... a 'been worn so many times I got ma money's worth top' (In case I get BBQ sauce allover it).. and my MU bag chair... now THAT'S how I dress for dinner/cocktails...
Another site addressed elevator etiquette... "It is rude as well as moronic to press the elevator call button incessantly." Uh oh, I know I ain't gonna like this lady.. "Men should allow women to enter and exit first only when no fancy choreography is required." HEY, I'm for equal rights... Packa us go to lunch from work and I grump and groan each time we go to the buffet place and I hold the door.. GD I'm hungry too... there's more to me to feed than you birdbutts have to feed.. Why do I have to wait? I'm burdened by the simple fact I have a penis!
"Although some people may not mind being told by a stranger to have a nice day, I enjoy not having a nice day once in a while and find the expression bossy and intrusive." IS IT YOU? From work? The bitch from accounting? Ok, from this day forth I will only nod.
"In any case, do not carry on loud conversations, especially those having to do with personal matters or work issues." So... I can't ask my buddy "when'd ya get outta jail Ralph?".... or... "Doc says I only got three more days of being contagious"...
I suppose farting ain't allowed either... Onea my favorites elevator events (Victor, you're so wierd, a simpleton) was - Vegas.. I'd been up all night.. had onea them cheapass big, humongous buffets.. too much coffee.. to much beer the night before.. uh huh, gas - MAJOR gas. I was the only one on.. finally, just before arrival of the casino lobby I let one rip.. A classic one.. Eddie (Randy Quaid)and Larry the Cable guy woulda been proud.. Anyways.. 6, maybe 7 Oriental chaps hop on just after I get off... hehe.. ya shoulda heard the commotion.. OH-#$@-&%*#@@)--%^&*@@... I think they blamed one guy - cause I could hear 'em cussin all the way up to 6th floor.. To me it's hell when ya hear folks like that talk 'cause ya can't understand.. but - to hear 6 of them all talking at once and be able to think "hey.. I have an idea of what they're saying" was cool!
Don't wear a hat indoors. How come? Cardinals in the World Series? Chiefs on Monday Night Football? You bet your ass Abby I'm gonna wear ma hat...
Laws I abide by. "Societal way" I ain't real fond of. Says who? What gives them the right to determine what to wear, say, how to eat, chew gum, what kinda gift to buy, etc, etc? Snooty patooty I call it. Etiquette schmetiquette.
Somehow I'm reminded of Gladys Kravats.. I live next door to Gladys Kravats. Nine years ago she grabbed Maynard's arm like she was gonna beat the crap outta him and I ain't talked to her since. (Now he may have earned it - but by God that's gonna come from me - not her.) She's onea them that has a phone list (or speed dial) when gossip hits - or, when it's time to play "ain't it awful." She gives me evil looks when it's obivously about time to mow.
Anyways... yesterday as I was sweeping the grass off the sidewalk.. she approached me. Oh shit, I'd waited one day after mowing to do it - I was gonna get it now... What? No? Turns out she's having a BBQ for neighbors. "Brian and I have lived here all our lives yet we don't even know our neighbors."
Wow? A new leaf? Uh huh, I'm from Missouri - show me. So... I read her pamphlet.. after the friendly greeting.. she continued "and I have asthma so there will be NO SMOKING.. and NO ALCOHOL either... and you can wear your swimsuits underneath and swim in our pool BUT YOU WILL BE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR CHILDREN - NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY ACCIDENT... etc, etc. Nope, she ain't changed. No thanks, I just remembered I have a dental appointment that Sunday - thanks though..
Sign sign everywhere a sign.. blocking out the scenery breaking my mind.. do this, don't do that, can't you read the sign....
Tucking my hair up under my hat... Happy day... Don't "rule me out" as friend... love, Victurd (Side note... week starting... outside, pre-work cig... co-worker looks at me... "No socks?"... No... no socks... See?... sign, sign everywhere a sign.)
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