Holy Shit Sherlock... was intrigued by an article yesterday in the paper about life expectancy... they ranked - in order - by state how long folks lived.. Shit.. We Missourians ranked 38th (with #1 being the longest living) with an average lifespan of 75.9 years...
Then I piddled on Yahoo seaching for more statistics... I was excited to learn the combined average (male, female, black, white, other) for life expectancy is 77.9 years. Reading the fine print (I fucking HATE fine print - especially at age 53) I learned that number is if you were born today. Shit. We of the 1950's - the guys are expected to hang around until age 66.5 and you hens until 72.2... Shit...
Then I went to some website where you entered all kindsa things about your family health history, lifestyle (aggressive? laid back? <-- my only salvation to the whole damn test), height/weight, blood pressure, cholesterol level, driving habits, wear seatbelt?, whether I get my prostrate looked at or not, smoking habits (oh shit), drinking habits (OH SHIT), etc, etc. Bottomline, it predicted I'm history in 16 years. Shit.
Soooooooooo... What am I gonna do about that? Quit smoking? Quit drinking? Move to another state that people live longer? Lemme see... In the top ten there's Minnesota, Utah, Connecticut, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, North Dakota, Rhode Island, Vermont... Shit... I'd freeze to death by 65, to hell with that.
Hmmmm... Hawaii? #1? Live until 80 years old? Mahalo you MF's, I'm gone. Aloooohaa oooo alooooha hiiiii.. To the tune of my favorite Leon Redbone Christmas Carol "How'd ya like to spend Christmas.. on Christmas Issssland... How'd ya like to hang your stocking from a great big coconut tree... How'd ya like to staaaay upppp late.. like the Islanders dooooo.. wait for Santa to sail in with those presents in a canoe.."... fuckin A Ray - I'll take my hammock.
Oh... and BTW, Urban blacks die first at 71.1. Western American Indians around 72.7 (Shit, I've got somea that blood in me).. Middle America 77.9 (<--GD, again, that's if you're born today)... Asian Americans 84.9? Oh shit! I KNOW - I KNOW....
I'm moving to Hawaii... I'm gonna hook up with some Asian chicky like Sookie, Zoe Tay or Fang Hong, and try to become Asian thru injection... Hehe.. Shit, I'll be surfing until I'm 90-something... Ah so... Ah soooo good... Velly good...
Regardless of whether I stay here, keep smoking, drinking, not getting my butthole looked at - and die at age 66.5 or 70... or... if I hold heap big garage sale, sell all, wisk off to Hawaii to hookup with Sookie... I understand THIS IS THE TIME OF MY/OUR LIFE/LIVES... Life - I have no idea about the expectancy.. well, maybe a little better idea... but LIVING life - I have expectancies... I expect to enjoy it.. Every minute is a gift... Every smile is a treasure... Every laugh is excercise - and that shit's supposed to be good for you... Sex? Hell yea...
May your afternoon be awesome - and may it continue long, long, long into evening... Live it up until midnight... Hug your loved ones... Hell, hug someone that's 'hot' in the grocery store... life is waning... but let's wane happily...
Mahalo, Victurd Chang
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