Today……

Ain’t never had it before - new to me,
Ever since, that very last snore.

What shall I do, where should I go, who should I see?
But first, remind yourself you’re old, you must go pee…..

Now what, what next?
I dunno, toast, jelly, mebbe Wheat Chex?

Showered ‘n shaved, ear hairs plucked.. Here… see?
Choppers brushed and flossed, hey, I’d better pee…

Cologne splashed, deodorant on,
A minute or so, I’ll be gone……

Keys, wallet, teeth - oh woe, it’s me…..
One more stop, I’ve got to pee…………

This retirement stuff, it ain't overrated…..
Nope, no stain, looks like I made it…….

Front door locked, no cars comin’, OK to cross…
Retirements rocks, fun bein’ boss……..

Jock told a joke, I LOL’ed, even got giggly….
Oops, that urge again, left into Wiggly…..

Flung the door open, alas, I made it in……
By the hair, of my chinny chin chin (and nope, nuttin’ on my shin)….

Retirement is fun, that, I hope you can see……..
Long as you know all the nearest restrooms, where one can go pee…..

Groceries whilst I’m here, maybe even some beer…….
Back to the car, ready to steer……

Need food fast, so it is, at the place Mickey D…….
Think I’ll run in here first, cause I gotta pee….

I was always told, it’s hell getting’ old……..
Sausage McMuffin down, yum, I’m sold…..

In and out, in and out, in and outta the car…..
We retirees go, but not very far…….

For you see,
We gotta pee.

Often, a lot.
Whether cold, or hot.

No fuss, no hurry, no kinda hoopla….
Be we always must play, zippity do dah..

When time is short, we simply pull over, hide behind the tree…..
Except for my middle, I’m pretty skinny, they’ll not see me pee…

No commute, coworkers, bosses, we live life large……
It's so nice to know, urine charge……

Tinkle, tinkle, little star……..
Always remember, where you are….

I’m a little peepot, short and stout,
Yep, that’s my handle, uh huh, that’s my spout.

This little piggy went at the market,
This little piggy went at home,
This little piggy at Arbys,
This little piggy, none?
And the old little piggy went wee wee wee, all the way home.
(A stupid nursery rhyme, sorry for the bores….
Piggy got home, had to change drawers)

I think that I shall never see,
Life, without having to pee….
A pee, again? You jest?
Hurry, or you’ll be messed.
A pee, that looks for ‘where?’ all day,
OK OK, that’s what I say…..
Poems are made by fools like me…
But at least I found, a nice place to pee.

By Henry P. Gibson