Age…..

“You can’t help getting older, but you don’t have to get old.” George Burns.

Exactly when are you old?

13% say when you have gray hair. 23% say when you retire from work. 33% say when you are no longer sexually active.. 42% say when you have bladder control problems. 45% trouble walking up stairs.. 51% frequently forgets familiar names.. 62% say turning 75.. 66% say when you can’t drive a car.. 76% can’t live independently.. 79% say when you turn 85.

So, I vote, go camping. (Baby you can drive my car.) Thataway, you can pee wherever, whenever. Have sex, and if you forget the familiar name, presto, it’ll be, just like starting over.

“Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pickup speed.” Arthur Schopenhauer.

(Camp on flat surface, no hill, no stairs. Again, pee wherever whenever, no stares.)

“Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you’ve got to start young.” Theodore Roosevelt.

Good point Teddy. Mom ultimately weans us, Elmo then learns us. Big Chief keeps us within the lines. A long line of teachers, para’s, school counselors, coaches, administrators, yada, mold us.

(BRB, gotta pee.)

(Whew! Made it!) We move from “I wanna be a ____ when I grow up” - to, “I’m now a _____.”

There is no end in sight to the methods, ways, counseling, means of - relationships/marriage.. Parenting.. Financial planning.. Empty nest, what now - advice, books, how to's, videos, yada.

No one teaches you how to be old though. What to do, where to go.

OK, so I lied. I found a “WikiHow” on How to Grow Old:

“Keep age in perspective. Live and enjoy each day. Don’t waste time thinking that you’re too old to do this or that. Take care of your body. The exercise aspect is vital. Don’t look back. Keep your mind alert. Keep up with the news. (Yuck, editor’s note). Find ways to interact. Be optimistic.(Sorry, slipped, editor.) Do something different every day. Join a (group, club, volunteer, library, yada) Follow your dream.”

(BRB, gotta pee.)

(That was a close one.) Ok, thanks WikiHow, but that’s a mouthful. I will write it all down though on a piece of paper,lose it, think that later I found it, but it was actually my grocery list I'd lost three weeks ago.

So… screw it all, I’ll make my own list:

Laugh.

Love.

Compliment, genuinely.

Forward stupid emails, texts, memes, gifs, yada.

Check for stray ear hairs, daily (damn they grow quick.)

Look at pictures of yourself in your youth, go to the mirror, lie, “I haven’t changed a bit!”

Hide your car keys in a place your kids, grandkids, siblings, will never find.

“Old age is always 15 years older than I am.” Randy Voorhees.

Paste that quote to your bathroom mirror so you can repeat it daily (after checking for stray ear hairs.)

Go, do, camp. Flat ground. Pee wherever whenever. Have sex. Forget the name? An added plus.

Try not to get overly pissed off (or on), mad, irate, upset, too Left, too Right, forget what that one person said long ago that hurt you, for you never know who your next camping partner might be.

Besides - the more candles on the cake, the more wind you’ll need.

“Having sex at 90 is like playing pool with a rope.” George Burns.

Yee haw! Rack 'em Wiggins. Love, Victurd.