School, for me, was about "Is today cinnamon roll day?"...that really cute girl three rows over..."do you think coach will make us run our watoosies off tonight?"
In case you hadn't noticed, there ain't nuttin' above regarding education. (Is "ain't nuttin'" a double-negative if ain't ain't a word?)
Hence, simpleton, I consider myself. It's ok, doesn't bug me a bit. Recently I took a current event quiz, the results were not good at all, but it's OK..I haven't missed a re-run of Frasier, Barney Miller or Mayberry RFD in eons.
Which leads me to "Stuff I didn't know."
A friend posted a video of a dog turning a backflip. The internet is fulla amazing things, so I guess I was not all that surprised, I just didn't know a dog could actually do a backflip.
Which lead to "I wonder whattheheck else I don't know."
I found there is actually a weekly podcast "Stuff I Never Knew." Antsy, just as I was back in Naomi Johnson's American History Class - I had no interest in watching past episodes - so I Googled "stuff I never knew" instead.
Were you aware, when a male bee climaxes, their testicles explode then they die? (Don't shoot me, it was the first thing that popped up - I will try to beehave s'more below.)
There are more fake flamingos in the world than real flamingos. (More than half of them probably reside at my 'outlaw sister's house'. Outlaw, I guess, is fancy for we ain't inlaw any longer.. but there's still a connection, I reckon. I very much enjoy giving my outlaw sister havoc - in fact, I've told her before she's in "my top 150 people I love.")
Once, Charlie Chaplin entered a contest for "Charlie Chaplin look-alikes" and he came in third.
Of all the people in history that have reached 65 years of age (me, me, me!), half of them are living right now. (Serious note, praise be medicine advances.)
54 million people alive right now will be dead in 12 months. (With advance apologies to relatives reading, HOLY SHIT I've got to get laid!.. Nevermind, I'm reminded of that bee. Quoting Dolly and that one song, "Me, I'll bee just fine and dandy, Lord it's like a hard candy Christmas." Oh crap.. let's see, August, Sept, Oct, Nov, December - yeah, that's only 5 months, I think I'll still bee here.)
Goats have rectangular pupils.
If you put all the earth's ants in one pile, and all the earth's humans in another pile, the pile made of ants would be bigger (have more mass.) Screw that, let's assemble all the bees in the world.. would beat the heck out of any local 4th of July fireworks display, that pile would be way more explosive!
Penguins will give their mate a pebble as a way of proposing. I think Fred and Wilma got that bassackwards, as they had Pebbles after the fact.
Turtles can breathe out of their butts. I just report 'em ma'am.
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (Strange, considering 'makin-bacon' in the microwave is only one minute per slice.)
If a man never cut his beard, by the time he dies it would be 30 feet long.
The last president that wasn't a Republican or Democrat was Millard Fillmore in 1853. (Does anyone believe in reincarnation? Please?)
Vending machines kill 4 times as many people as sharks. (Between '78 and '95 at least 37 people have died as a result of shaking vending machines to get free merchandise, averaging 2-3 deaths per year. Over the last decade there are six recorded shark attack fatalities in the US, for an average of .6 deaths per year.)
George Washington spent about 7% of his annual salary on booze.
A Mosquito has 47 teeth. You think a bee has ever tried to mate a mosquito?
The "F" and the "J" keys on the keyboard have little bumps on them. I know, I didn't believe it either. Yep. They are for locating where the index fingers go in 10-finger typing. As aforementioned, I was antsy in school. Mrs Diggs (I think her name was), our typing teacher, put masking tape over all my keys 'cause I kept peeking. Story of my life, predominantly single, no bumps to put my fingers on.
You can't smell while you're sleeping. So, it wasn't the smell of the fart that woke you up, it was probably the sound. Tell that to a turtle.
If you earn more than $18,000 a year, you're among the 4% of the richest people on Earth. BRB, gonna multiply my SS times 12.
If you dig straight through the Earth and jump into the hole, you'll fly out the other side in 42 minutes and 12 seconds. I call BS. How do they know that?
Professional farters used to be highly appreciated artists. Flatulists, or 'fartists' turned their intestines into tools of their trade and often performed for the rich and powerful - and were handsomely rewarded. Le Petomane was the highest paid French entertainer a Century ago. He could blow out candles and play La Marsellaise with his butt. Ah hogwash, I bet he 'couldn't hold a candle" to the turtles Michaelangelo, Leonardo, Raphael and Donatello..so, blow it out your ass, so to speak, La Petomane. (Again, apologies to my relatives.)
And YOU had the gall to ask, "Victor, what do you do when you wakeup at 4am?"
Much love,
Robert Ripley (1st cousin to Henry Gibson)
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