You write........................... right?

Huh? Who, me?

Wonderfully, I’ve had several people ask… Ok damnit, two. “How come you don’t write in your blog any more?”

The answer is……. I dunno. I don’t wanna (at present.) I’m “calling in sick.” The dog ate my homework. Is it ignorance or apathy? Hey, I don't know and I don't care.

Number one, I don’t hold a candle to my mother. She had magic in her pen, her typewriter. It flowed. I struggle. The wit of - actually all three (mother, father, sister) far, far exceeds anything reasonably humorous I might stumble onto here. They can’t write (gone, but never forgotten.) Why should I?

I’ll clean house tomorrow. I’ll pay bills Tuesday. Wait, scratch that shit, it is Tuesday. Thursday, I’ll pay ‘em Thursday. That leaky faucet in the bathroom? It’s probably only a buck or two extra a month on the water bill. I can afford that.. .and hey, it’s rhythmic, I likes rhythm.

I’ve got rhythm, I’ve got music. I’ve got my girl who could ask for anything more?.. Oh wait, scratch that shit too. Forgot. She left. So why shouldn’t I?

If any of you basta’s (said with love) from work happen by here, I’ll deny I ever said this - and you’re more than welcome to whisper to one another (I don’t repeat gossip, so listen close the first time) in my most recent self evaluation at work - I pretty much gave every category the notch just below perfection. I do do (do you do do?).. .I do do a nice job at work. Safe to say, I THINK, I think people like me. I whistle. I send stupid emails. I shoot rubber bands at the unsuspecting ones, and I try to keep crap LIGHT.

Victor, you wandering slut, you started to talk about your self evaluation, then you took a left turn. Kiss my ass Times New Roman 12. IN MY SELF EVALUATION, I patted myself on the back (I save our company money… I ain’t never run outta sick leave and I ain’t too many can say that.. I’m there. I occupy my chair… I’d like to think I’m creative. )…

I did add (honest, I did).. “Ok, so I take one (or six) too many smoke breaks. But, if you HR types ever come down on me about that - then screw it - I’ll clock out to smoke. I likes my smoke breaks THAT MUCH!…”

Where this going Victor? Calm down butt wipe, we’re reasonably close to flushing.

At the very end of the evaluation (Where they ask how you can improve your performance).. I wrote something like “Quite honestly, work is the best thing I’ve got going in my life right now. I could really use 2010 to simply work on Victor. House upkeep. Financial responsibility. Not going out so very much for Happy Hours. Me. Fine tune me. Mebbe notta 180, but a 134. How’s that? Working on me, my personal life, my “Victor away from here” I think would yield a more productive, happy, even better worker than I feel I am now - and more importantly, a better person.

Over, done. Finito. “Boss, it may not be your normal worker evaluation, but you’re stuck, it’s me.. It’s who I am… I ain’t blogged in awhile, so I blogged to you” (hehe)..

OH, and when it asked for dates of “period of evaluation” I wrote “ahm, 2007 to present. I’m pretty certain 2007 was our last pay raise.” I’m different. Leftfield. Not proud, extra fonda me, just different. Like me or not, I don’t care. That was a total lie, but.. Like my ways or not, I don’t care < that looms LARGE in my life. Rebel takes on negative/evil connotations, so I don’t think I’m a rebel. I like fun. Light.. Different. If you don’t, it’s all good. (Just don’t turn your back, cause I have REALLY BIG, THICK rubber bands.)

So that’s it. I’m working on me. Or, I planta. (Scroll to somewhere in the hell back there on the blog where Gracie deducted “Victor… you exhibit avoidance behavior.” I’ll get to that shit later, honest!

So………. I’m a work in……….. (someday to start) progress.

Another, a blessed another I’ve run into from yesteryear asked “are you still grieving?” Uh huh. Always will be. I wake up every day and see my mom. My dad. My sister. EVERY day. I even occasionally get a boner (VICTOR!).. Hey, it’s a man thing, we can’t help it.. And I miss the victory and the agony of making waves in that waterbed, and giggling as I repair the leaks caused. Ok, sure, I still miss her. Not who she is now, who she usedta be.

So……… I write……………….. Sometime I will……. Tomorrow…… Next month….. In the Spring… when it’s 80 degrees… a promise B4 Christmas.. Fer sure by 2011 when I unveil “the new me.” As soon as I getta new roof.. (Buddy can u spare $6K?)..

So…….. Thanks (you two) for asking. Sorry to borrow Gov’, but “I’ll be back.”

Much love, Punxsutawneyturd.