Cat in the hat?

The sun did not shine. It was too wet to play. So we sat in the house all that cold, cold, wet day. I sat there with ‘Sally.’ We sat there, we two. And I said, "How I wish We had something to do!" Too wet to go out And too cold to play ball.

(With apologies to Doc Seuss, most of the above is true. Names changed to protect the innocent…that.. and we realize you’re not innocent enough to believe “How I wish we had something to do.”)

So we sat in the house. We did nothing at all. So all we could do was to Sit! Sit! Sit!
Sit! And we did not like it. Not one little bit. And then Something went BUMP! How that bump made us jump! We looked! Then we saw him step in on the mat! We looked! And we saw him! The Cat in the Hat!

And he said to us, "Why do you sit there like that?" I know it is wet and the sun is not sunny. But we can have Lots of good fun that is funny!" "I know some good games we could play," Said the cat. "I know some new tricks," said the Cat in the Hat. "A lot of good tricks. I will show them to you. Your mother Will not mind at all if I do."

( I said to myself “scram damn cat, don’t you realize it’s been actually YEARS since I’ve had a woman in this house… and you want to play games?”)

Then Sally and I did not know what to say. My mother was out of the house for the day. But our fish said, "No! No! Make that cat go away! Tell that Cat in the Hat You do NOT want to play. He should not be here. He should not be about. He should not be here When mother is out!"

(This smells fishy, ‘cause I don’t have a fish. The cat actually lives here, but for story sakes, read ahead.)

"Now! Now! Have no fear. Have no fear!" said the cat. "My tricks are not bad," Said the Cat in the Hat. "Why we can have lots of good fun, if you wish, with a game that I call Up-Up-Up with a fish!" said the fish. "This is no fun at all! Put me down!" said the fish. “I do not wish to fall!"

"Have no fear!" said the cat. "I will not let you fall. I will hold you up high As I stand on this ball. With a book on one hand! And a cup on my hat! But that is not ALL I can do!" Said the cat...

(This cat is really starting to piss me off now… screw fish games, I wanna play spin the bottle… maybe “hide the weenie” (VICTOR!).. sorry.. scroll to “been a long time.”

"Look at me Look at me now!" said the cat. "With a cup and a cake on top of my hat! I can hold up TWO books! I can hold up the fish! And a little toy ship! And some milk on a dish!

And Look! I can hop up and down on the ball! But that is not all! Oh, no. That is not all...
"Look at me! Look at me! Look at me now! It is fun to have fun but you have to know how.

That is what the cat said... Then he fell on his head! He came down with a bump From up there on the ball.

And Sally and I, saw all the things fall! And our fish came down, too. He fell into a pot! He said, "Do I like this? Oh, no! I do not! This is not a good game," Said our fish as he lit,

"And I do not like it, Not one little bit!" "Now look what you did!" Said the fish to the cat. "Now look at this house! Look at this! Look at that!
You sank our toy ship, sank it deep in the cake. You shook up our house And you bent our new rake.”

(Now wait just a gosh darn minute… ONE GOSH DARN MINUTE… You KNOW that ain’t the way it went.. Yes, I do remember, there wasn’t even a fish.. The cat did try some tricks – jumping here, jumping there, moaning hideously – I believe very JEALOUS he suddenly realized it wasn’t just him and me…. Sally was there.)

I loved Cat in the Hat, an alltime favorite nursery rhyme..
Sorry to say, twasn’t that end this time….

So… so very sadly true this turn of the verse…..
Sally was ready to go, learned the cat had peed on her purse.

(Sadly true.. story of my life… checkenginelight. No reverse. Roof leaking in three rooms. Waaay too frequent Happy Hour attendant… and the damn cat peed on her purse.)

It’s a fable ain’t it Aesop? Love, Victurd.