But I don’t wanna….

Right. Write. But I don’t wanna. Or… mebbe just don’t feel like it. Not that there’s every anything clever up there in that fitty-six year old brain – it’s just that today, there fer sure ain’t.

I don’t wanna is an uncomfy feeling. I likes comfy. Comfy hard to find. Well, maybe easily found, just hard to stay content.

Whatshername (Victor, it’s been a lotta years, don’t go there).. ahm… Whatshername came home one day and announced “if there’s something I don’t want to do, I’m not going to do it.” And, regardless if it was a holiday family gathering, a sporting event, a movie, a certain restaurant, she held true to her word.

Dating. Especially at this old, ripe age. The online thing. Sometimes an email is winged one way… I don’t wanna happens. No response, or no responding. Cruel. Hurtful – but hey, that’s today.

You climb back up the mountain (several dates, maybe even months) and “I don’t wanna happens”… again, two-way street, but happens.. and such are the rules of today’s game.

I don’t wanna = divorce. Breakup. Friends becoming more detached. Hiding. Excuse making. Thanks but no thanks.

Procrastination sometimes equals I don’t wanna. Deadlines. Yes, you know you’ll get there, but.. not now. I don’t wanna. Not yet.

You know you’ve been promising to…… uh huh… and will… later though… I don’t wanna.

We have the generic “I don’t wanna” (go to work… .pay bills… clean house.. cook… go to the grocery.. ).. Most often “haveta” wins out.

Infants have that little squeamish, devilish “hmmppphhhh”..  I don’t wanna. “NO!” They fold their arms, stiffen the upper lip, and solidify their little 20 pound body as if to say “MAKE ME.” So we do.

Can’t with old farts. Can’t make me, make you. I don’t wanna. I don’t wanna = selfish, sometimes. I don’t wanna = peace, sometimes. I don’t wanna = running, sometimes.

Perhaps one of life’s hardest lessons, one only controls themself. And sometimes, I don’t even wanna do that.

Leaving now. Wanna. I wasn’t real fond of Dr. Laura, but did enjoy her little “Go take on the day.” Do that please……………… if u wanna. Love, Victurd.