Scary, ain’t it?
Do you have people around you that, close your ears, you don’t want them to drop off the facea the earth - but - you really could care less if you are around them or not. That’s not “the way” is it? Lady at work, been there forever and a day - silently announced her retirement for September. I had absolutely no feeling about that at all. Am I evil? Perhaps I haven’t gotten to know her in the 10 total years I’ve been there - but every time I meet her in the hall, her head is turned to the opposite wall - and it’s very apparent she wants no interaction. I can’t see from them shoes, nor do I really wanna.
I gotta very nice comment on the blogsite from a lady who’d said she’d been reading this for awhile. That was a huge perk. Then I gotta thinking - there are some women who don’t know I do this - and they’d probably say I’m fulla shit. I have a demonstrated past of falling in love with “a house’ the first trip through.. Go too GD fast..full bore.. And then something - maybe a month into it, maybe six.. Makes me think “what was I thinking, this ain’t right, it’s not where I wanna be” and I walk away. Yes, I’ve been on their end as well - and I don’t really hate the ones that walked away, but I truly think there might be a few out there who literally do hate me. And that’s ok. It beats, I guess, making a permanent mistake and it being even worse some day.
Intimacy. I’ve not done the following often, but I admit I have. I’ve had intimacy with some who I have absolutely zero longterm desire whatsoever. From observing, listening to, women at work - I actually kinda think this behavior isn’t reserved “for men only.” Freud talked about ‘needs.“ Perty damn selfish eh? Your take?
Odds and ends….
Lady @ my son’s work, 60-something. My son works in the inner city - and they come in contact with some shady characters, some homeless, a vast collection of ‘downtowners.’ This lady he works with, was spit on by a citizen today. She’s a nice lady. Unwarranted. She pressed charges, dude’s in jail. I say good for her.
I am guilty. I honestly never looked at online profiles of anyone “younger than my ex.” Last night, I admit I did. Whilst last weekend’s dates ended not so great - it ‘learnt me’, it ain’t really all about age. For 99.9% of the time, it was quite comfy with her - and I believe she would say the same. I DON’T THINK “I look so much younger than my age.” Actually, I see some ole HS cronies, and I think “how do them sumbitches do it” (as in not have wrinkles.) SOME OF THEM EVEN HAVE CHILDREN.
Why are cats harder to figure than infants? When an infant cries, you either feed it, give it a drink, hold it, or check the front and backa their diaper. An answer can be found. Tonight I fed my cat, held it, petted it, filled up the water dish - and he stared at me and talked. Like I was supposed to know what in the hell he wanted.
Funny how ‘forever’ seems longer when you’re a kid. When I look at the neighborhood I grew up in, I truly thought it’d be like that forever. Miller’s living here. Lambert’s there. Flassing’s there. My family here. I’d come back when I was 30, 40, fitty, and nothing would be changed. It’s all changed. Mebbe today’s hustle-bustle, switch-mates, switch-jobs like u change light bulbs has affected this. I hope not. I hope kids still have that dream, that vision. That want.
Why is it, the more you’re away from old co-workers, friends, sometimes even family - the more you think about them.. And too, the more you desire getting together and seeing them again, the tougher it is to do so. Some have always “gotta do this”, others “gotta do that”, I even “haveta be here, can’t” - so… the bond/grip slowly loosens. The times are remembered fondly, but rarely repeated or rehashed.
Lonely. I will admit, there are times I get lonely. I think there are so many of us that are that, can be that - it’s a shame so many hours are spent in loneliness. “Thanks” (I guess) to my son’s sometimes not-so-whoopie demeanor, I simply get up and get out. When I get up and get out, I see old friends. Yes, oft times bars. Know that ain’t a great thing - but it (camaraderie) does help combat loneliness. And, I have fun. (More.)
Asked a gal at work today how her dad was doing. He’s 73, single, her mom passed years ago, and dad finally has a girlfriend. (He’s a cradle robber too, she’s 18 yrs his junior).. Anyways, I remember my father, 8 yrs after my mother passed - got into a relationship with a lady.. I was inwardly defiant of this. Then, one day dad told someone, “you know, sometimes it’s like three days inbetween phone rings.” So, I wizened up and delighted in his new friend. I hope you, if lonely, find ways to combat it. Pets. Friends. Clubs. Church. Writing. The internet. A hobby. Whatever, I just hope you combat it. I’m playing softball, and whilst, yes, perhaps it’s subconsciously a way to ‘repeat yesterday’, it’s also a breath of fresh air. A “worthiness” of sorts. I likes it. I’m “a part of something.” Please go, do.
Enough is enough. I’m sorry I ain’t said funny shit here tonight. Victor, does this like mean you think you’ve repeatedly said “funny shit” in the past? I hate him. Bastard is relentless. My alter-ego to always keep me grounded.
If my knees some day start feeling hella better, I might even go back to my airline days. Them were fun. $6 coach, $12 first class, anywhere u wanted to go. I may neva do the take a year off and "see the USA in your Chevrolet (HRL)”.. but the airline sounds good.
Good bye. I love you. Sweet dreams. I’ll missya. I’ve enjoyed visiting. I enjoy your friendship. I likes ur eyeballs here. Don’t take no wooden nickels. Have fun. Don’t worry, be happy. Love, Victurd.
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