Today’s sermon.. Admissions of a non-conformist….

Ok. I ain’t preaching. Below, is actually a list of somea the things I do in life to stay happy… or, to make the day turn from a C+ to a B-. I by no means am suggesting u ape any of the below - but if you see a fun idea (OR IF YOU HAVE ONE YOU WANNA SHARE) - by all means, please do. Please know I truly suck at a lot in life. Witness, cleaning my house, cleaning my car, cleaning my desk (is there a pattern here?).. cleaning my after work habits up.. much... I suck at much...(hell, I've been married twice, I guess that speaks).. but I DO have fun with life...

Six crows feet ago I taught at an elementary school. There was this very wise, very profound, very admired 5th grade teacher --- in her last year of teaching (and she was probably already beyond retirement age)… She represented almost the exact opposite view to how I try to live life - but - it was her way - and it was truly a remarkable way.. And she was genuinely a wonderful, wonderful woman. Her take “I don’t really see how people go thru life always laughing and having fun with things - 100% of the time.” True, about the 100% - but I find life soooo much easier when fun is had. Serious? Can I be? Can u be? Sure!…

Ahem…. Hello congregation… Just wanted to make sure you’re aware we’re 40% down on collectiosn for the projected budget of our building fund. Oh, and how ‘bout them Chiefs!

Start the day with coffee (if u drink the crap), the newspaper, and a look in the mirror. MAKE yourself laugh in the mirror. Who looks good in the mirror 30 seconds after getting outta bed? Think of something funny that was done to you - or that you had done to someone else - and smile - even if forced…. No matter, start the day with a smile. Like yourself. Even if some others may not! (Again, I'm talking to ME too!)

You know a genuinely nice/wonderful person? Nothing can knock them off their float in the parade? Come back with “What the hell is wrong with you… you’re ALWAYS in a good mood.” I have done this one, and it’s a feel good - for each…

Email a compliment to a co-worker. We sweat, we toil, we mostly assume no one is watching… Bammo. Email ‘em when you see good. If it’s REALLY good, and management would have no idea of what they’ve done - then, and only then, copy them in.

Re-connect. Look at your life - and the segments… Plan gatherings, or maybe just even a phone call, email for those from your past. How longs it been since you said “hey” to the guy/gal who helped u catch your first crawdad?.. Not into class reunions? Contact someone who was close to you at the time… Former co-workers?.. ‘Touch’ em. Re-connect.

Be GENUINELY nice to vendors. Could be a vendor at your work. Could be a (and I hate the word subordinate) someone under you in the corporate structure of your company. Could be the cable guy, the McDonald’s French Fry Sacker, the “Paper or Plastic” dude at the Piggly Wiggly, the lady at the Water Department… they all have frustrating jobs - and just like you and me - the only time they hear from someone is usually when the shit ain’t good. So be good, and be nice. And say thanks.

From leftfield. Have some fun. See a digital camera sitting without it’s owner? Take that mother and snap some pics. I don’t care. Zoom in on your buccal cavity… snap a shot of your armpit… or… do like some old dudes did at the bar the other night… unsuspecting chicky left digital on the shuffleboard table… three old drunks picked it up and had some fun… up to and including a “moon shot” (omg) from onea the old dudes… and then neatly handed the camera to the barkeep for the lost and found. I simply cannot believe a 55 yr old man would behave like that.

Long time no see? In line four aisles down at the Piggly Wiggly?.. “HEY TOMMY, I HAVEN’T SEEN YOU SINCE YOU GOT OUTTA PRISON.. HOW THE HECK AREYA?” (Watch ‘em shrivel)

Handshake. Don’t make it a normal handshake. Hang on for that extra second to let ‘em know “hey… I like you as a person.”… Mebbe even throw the other hand gently on top to emphasize the thought…

How do you feel when you hear “You look nice today.” F-in A Ray, you feel fabulous. So wing it yourself. Just don’t do it if it’s the one you’ve been dying to get in their drawers.. Do it to a friend. Non-sexually. You know.

Ask about someone’s family. Ever notice how someone perks up when this happens? You may not givea shit about little Joey’s 7 yr old soccer team, or about the wife’s rheumatoid arthritis, but what the hell - it’s the thought that counts… and you can learn things that will forever associate you with the other…

Razz a co-worker… Ten minutes late to work? Fuck ‘em.. “Good Afternoon, how are you?”… See ‘em on the internet? “Git urass back to work”… ALWAYS rib a co-worker when it’s appropriate, and it's sure to draw a smile from them.

Touch. Some don’t like touch. And perhaps there’s some you don’t wanna touch. When it’s appropriate, and of course, appropriate touch - do so. You know how good a touch on the shoulder or arm feels. It talks. It says “I like you.” Make the rounds. Touch many - if not physically, then verbally.

Ever said the simple sentence “I like working with you.”… I’m fitty-five.. I just said it first time ever about a month ago.. We both almost cried. Stupid? I don’t think so. I immediately heard “I like working with you too.”

Thank a boss. Sure, could be construed as kiss-ass.. But do it anyways. There’s only one top dude usually - and many inbetween. We foot soldiers have no idea the pressure placed from the top - to them - to us. Let ‘em know when they’re doing a good job. If they show trust in you - thank them for that. This can be done with the lips no where close to the derriere.

Smile. Often. A lot. To all, even the ones that never return it. How good does it feel when it is returned? Very.

This ends today’s sermon. Don’t forget: Brother Tom is down in the back, unable to work. If there’s anything extra you can do in the collection plate today - it’s very much appreciated.

Amen brother Ben… Love, Victurd.