My, my, my. To twist the words of Arlo a bit, you can get anything you want - on the internet restaurant... I do love 'country drives' where you take the mouse, search Google or Yahoo or some damn engine to find whatever it is you wanna find.
Today I typed "weird Human Records" - and up popped a site about Sexual Records.. Now honest -that wasn't my intent - but what the hey, we're all perked by sex - and I thought I'd take a little peek at what the site had to say.
80,000. That's the chick record. Ms. Julia the Elder (39BC - 14AD) - daughter of the Roman Emperor Augustus - "was beautiful, intelligent, highly educated and witty. Everything a woman might want was hers, save one: sexual satisfaction. Her loves numbered dozens, then hundreds, then beyond. "Half the virile youths of Rome". Still not satisfied, she began offering herself to every passing stranger, regardless of age, color or appearance. Hmmn, that's pretty damn horny.
THE Male. Anonymous. The rotten bastard wouldn't even leave his name - Alfred Kinsey reported one man who averaged 33.1 acts of coitus a week, over a 30 year period, almost 52,000 in all. Criminy, almost makes my nads hurt just thinkin' about that - but, what a way to go huh? 33.1? Point one? Howinthe... oh wait... I think I remember one time.... nevermind.
The Golds Gym sexual version? Yes, one form of "Chi Kung" is to strap weights to one's penis and do repetitive lifts. No kidding. "After the penis has been manually stimulated, barbells are then hooked onto a coat hanger-like apparatus which is tied around the base with a scarf. Beginners start out with two and a half pound weights - and the Hong Kong master named Mo Ka Wang lifted over 250 lbs - two feet off the floor. Damn daddy, that'sa strong penis. I will admit to using mine as a towel holder whilst I brushed my teeth, but I've never pumped iron with it.
Fourteen inches. I knew you chicks had been dying to know the answer. At least that's the record according to Dr. David Reuben in his book Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex.. The average penis size for a white male is 6.2 inches long - and yes "it's twue, it's really twue" the black male does average slightly larger at 6.3 inches (3.7 around for whitey, and 3.8 around for the brother.) Inhabiting the low end of the penile spectrum are those of Asian persuasian - averaging 5.5 inches. Oh, and FYI, I guess you're supposed to measure from the top.
Twas a lady somewhere who had 10 lactating boobies.. A feller with 154 lb testicles. Now THAT would take some kind of athletic supporter. People with multiple penis's, women with more than one vagina, humongous boobies, the tallest couple on record (she 7'8", he in excess of 7' as well) gave birth to the largest baby in history - weighing 26 lbs and 34 inches in length. The child did not make it thru childbirth - but supposedly there's a cast made - still on display at the Cleveland Museum of Health.
A 2 inch clitoris, 7 inch long labia, and if you're a butt man - and ya likes em big, venture to the Hottentot tribe of Africa where - in their most developed state - each buttock can be two or three feet across.
Mae West braggadociously holds the record for longest lovemaking... A pair of rattlesnakes made it for no less than 22.75 hours... Mosquitoes, which mate on the wing, perform a sex act that lasts only 2 seconds. I guess you unsatisfied women out there can use the "mosquitoe" line next time you are left panting. Exceeding even Wilt Chamberlain (who professed to over 20,000 lovers) the gerbil type called Shaw's has been observed copulating 224 times in a the space of 2 hours. I guess this too could be borrowed - "not tonight you GD gerbil."
1869 the first vibrator was invented (like the computer - the original version took up damn near an entire room, had some kinda hanging device the did the trick.) Some porn star named Houston holds the record for consecutive "lovers" (those ready and willing and in line with their $85 HIV tests) - she numbered 620 in a row. Holy crap, at this point, one would do me. Hehe.
Prior to Viagra, there was a surgery that could be done to insert two bendable, semi-rigid rods that are inserted in the penis through incision. When the situation demands, you just bend the wazoo into an upright position. Hehe, basically, a pipe cleaner. Pioneered in 1972, this means there are guys that have been walking around with boners for 34 years.
Royalty seemingly are perves. Damn near every record in there is by some kinda prince, king, queen... sumpin. Sharifian Emperor of Morroco, Mulai Ismail (1646-1727) is said to have fathered in excess of 1,000 children. Some chicky in Russia in the early 1700's gave birth to 69 children: 16 pairs of twins, seven sets of triplets and four sets of quads. Can you imagine laundry day? Christmas shopping?
Ok, enuff of the smut stuff. Have yourself a merry day. And.. whatthehell, go for a record if you wanna. love, Victurd.
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