God bless the kid... He's ventured to Branson for a "new start." A buddy of his - his mother lives there... they both went.. they're going to do the "extended stay" at one of the cruddy motels there (hey, it's only $400 plus a month and it includes all utilities, pool, I think continental breakfast... a start.)
We'll see how it turns out - but I'm tickled he's simply getting outta the house..
Oh.. the car... Well, yes, the checkenginelight stayed on the entire trip.. of course the air is kapooey... we traversed Highway 76 to their motel.. for those of you that have never traversed 76 - traffic moves about as fast as a Sunday Sermon when you have a hangover... Got behind some do-gooder who let everyone and their brother pull out from whatever cruddy tourist trap thingy they were trying to get out on to 76... 100 degrees.. ."Sure, let s'more in... who needed a shower? I'm getting one as we sit."
So...... drop Maynard, friend off at motel.. I go to WalMart to buy them goodies - roughly three miles ("Forty-five minutes" in '76-talk) back the other way. Uh huh, who do I get behind? Mr. East bound do-gooder. Nomme.. when I see onea them assholes trying to creep out onto 76 - I inch up on the bumper infronta me so close there ain't room for an ant on their bumper.
Buy a mini-fridge, a microwave, some groceries, a bicycle (they don't have wheels yet) - and, what the hey, I won Friday at the casino.. so it was cool.. (I'd prepared for our trip to Andy Williams-land by walking in from the casino at 4:30am Saturday morning.. and we left at 10am... My eyeballs were like bee-bee's.. and I took brief naps on highway's 435, 71, 7, 13, 44 & 65 en route. Ok, teasing about the last part..
So... I fetch all this crap back to Maynard.. He's appreciative.. I begged and pleaded to myself not to lecture about life in Branson - and thankfully he willingly approached me with "Dad... I'll be good." All I needed to hear. Way cool.
So...... Jumped back on the highway... Pupils were dilated the size of a needle head now.. Took a brief siesta in Bolivar, MO under the canopy of a closed down gas station that was being remodeled into some kinda retail joint... Officer Dalyrimple of the Bolivar Police Department scared the holy shit outta me with his rat-a-tat-tat on my car window somewhere during my early REM's... He understood... and whisked me along the way...
So.... traveling North on Highway 13. Abouta 40 minutes until I turn due West on 7.. Remember, checkenginelight on, air kapoot, brake light now off - I think it's burnt out.. my nads were startled with unexpected arrival of my visor that'd fallen off and come to visit them.. Yes. My sun visor fell off. No screws to be found (I'd taken my shoe off and felt around on the floor.) So, I dealt with it. I was as happy as Steve Martin the new phone books were here - I grabbed the local one (still in plastic) quickly opened my door - placed it in where my sunvisor woulda been had I had it blocking on the driver's side - and slammed the door shut. Worked. Haha.
Until I head West on 7. Shit. I'm damn near Albino anyways - and I GOTS to wear shades any time I'm in the sun. If Elisabeth Shoe woulda been laying nekkid in the middle o Hwy 7 - there's no way in hell I woulda seen her. The sun is within a hairlash of the horizon, but still all big'n'full. The phone book won't fit 'tween the headliner and the windshield.. gotta find something thinner.. I maneuver to the glovebox.. Aha, this'll work.. It's my proof of County Taxes Paid sheet from 2003. YES, 2003. Screw you. Do you really expect me to believe you've had a moment where you've said to yourself "I know.. I think I'll go clean out my glovebox."???
It worked... mostly... I did come within inches of obliterating an Amish couple on horse-buggy... wheels just over into the right lane of the highway. I computed they were doing exactly 67 miles per hour less than I was. Had I hit 'em, I know they don't like electricity and all that shit.. do you think if the EMT woulda tried to jump in on the wife laying on the sidea the road with a defibrillator and announced "CLEAR!!!!" the feller woulda said "WAIT, THAT'S ELECTRIC.. .NOOOOOOOOO!"
I love my son. I hope he's happy. Many have given up on him - and unfortunately, many of those are close, real close. I ain't, and I won't. There's good in that heart.
That was pretty much the excitement of my trip. Oh, 'less'n you wanna count the sign by the bigass fielda corn that said "Corn population study." Now I could see that shit in Dyersville, IA (you know, the Field of Dreams.) But WTF are they actually doing? Going thru the 1,000 plus acres row by row and counting? I guess there just ain't much excitement in Creighton, Missouri. Maybe that 'xplains it.
Happy day. And don't forget - I've got my eye on you dammit. Git urass moving and contacting people that usedta be in your life more - ain't now - but if tomorrow were the day they were to pass - YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO TELL THEM WHAT THEY MEANT TO YOU. I mean that. Do it!.. .Love, Victurd.
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