And I do my little turn on the catwalk...yeah on the catwalk..

I'm too tubby for my shirt, too tubby for my shirt.... I reread the lyrics to that song... and no, I ain't too sexy for Milan, New York, Japan. Not too sexy for my hat.. Not too sexy for your party... Not too sexy for my cat (Whatever that means Right Said Fred)...

But... I AM TOO SEXY FOR MY CAR, TOO SEXY FOR MY CAR - TOO SEXY! And I do my little turn on the catwalk, yeah on the catwalk.

Hi. Good morning - howareya - what'sup in your world? Do you have a routine in the morning? Mine's boring - I have a cat awaiting at my door that thinks he's an NFL linebacker. Little bastard weaves in and outta my feet trying to get me to turn toward the food dish. How can they like that crap so much?

The cats once got that urinary tract infection and there's only one brand of cat food on the market that has lowered the magnesium - and they've eaten it for years and years now. That'd be like Burger King every morning and night. Don't get me wrong, I love their burgers - but you won't catch me trying to knock you down to start the day to go there, every day.

What else do ya do in the AM? Doesn't make sense to me we get allll that rest - then look in the mirror and it have it appear we've been beaten by a rubber mallet and have had our hair ironed on one side.

Bath or shower person? You go first - or does your mate? Juice? Gotta have juice? Breakfast is my favorite meal but I just don't do it often enough... Do you "sugar in the morning...sugar in the evening... sugar at suppertime"? You know, do you make whoopie in the AM? (Eww bedbreath.. Do you brush your teeth first?.. Put on deodorant?..)

I wonder, if you do make whoopie - after you've showered for the day - do you shower again?

Do you watch the same local TV channel daily because you secretly would like to hop in the sack with the anchor? Weatherperson? Uh huh, I KNEW it!

If you commute... Are you a gasup once a week kinda person - or- poor sum'bitch like me who cringes to put anything over $8 in there? I rationalize and say it allows me to trade idle chit chat with the convenience store folks - plus, I gotta have that cup of coffee.

Whew - getting kids outta bed for school - I don't miss those days... Are you like me in that - once your feet hit the floor - there's no stopping until work? Or, do you grab the paper, take some coffee swigs and gingerly start the day?

Hell - now that I'm single - almost all my time is my time.. I'm an early riser - back in the day when others slept here - I LOVED my time up alone while the other bastards slept. I looked at it as "they're wasting away their lives." They looked at it as "he's one crazy sum'bitch to be up so early."

Routine routine routine? Comfy with that? Do you do the same things daily? Ok, you want boring? Up. Turn TV on. Open bedroom door. Cat in feet. Pee. Turn on bathwater. Brush chops. Bathe. Dry off. Cat in feet. Throw on boxer-briefs (Good Lord.. who asked?) Screw you talkback, may my cat trip you some day.

Pants. Shirt. Cat in feet. Shoes. (Usually no socks) Grab all the junk (excepting the lint, other foreign objects) that came outta my pants pocket last night. Keys. Cigs. Turn TV off. Light off. Cat in feet (Really gettin' pissy by now).

Ok ok ok. Feed cats. Water in their bowl. Out door. Do the gas thing. Eat a bag of peanuts. Drink coffee. Shave. Yes, I shave on the way to work. Same GD radio channel daily. Same route. Boring. But I like it.

Except. I'm too sexy for my car, too sexy for my car - too sexy.. .and I do my little turn on the catwalk, yeah on the catwalk........

And you - you no commentin' sum'bitches - what's your routine? Come on - ya do something goofy every morning? Fill us in - we're sometimes bored here on the planet! Have a happy happy. Oh on the catwalk, on the catwalk.

Routinely yours, Victurd