The butt of the joke... or.. . perfect end-ings...

Frankly stated - ya gotta love butts. We, and when I say we - I include you women too - because the secret's out - we know you're just as biga pigs as we are... so WE all classify ourselves as being "this part" or "that part" kinda person... Yes, I would say "I'm a butt man." - Versus those of you that are more inclined to favor legs, breasts, eyes, chest, hair, face, voice, etc, etc. My pappy didn't pronounce to me on my trike "Victor, I'd like for you to be a 'butt-man'" - it just happened..

Ohhhh don't get me wrong - all parts are enjoyable, unique - it's just that there's nothing better than seeing - close your ears - a nice, nice ass. So yes, when people say "I'm a people watcher" what they're really saying is "hey, let's go to the Mall and look for fantastic ass's"...

Summer - many crow's feet ago - I worked for the local school district in doing basically any kind of thing needed to upkeep the buildings/grounds, etc... My supervisor was a feller named Jim - actually, the "Shop Teacher". Jim was a decent guy - ne'er in a hurry - and never fearful of saying what was on his mind - but it was always said in a matter-a-fact slowed Branson kinda tone...

Charlotte - school librarian. Big woman. Mean woman - at least that's the take we kids had. She had onea those looks where she'd drop her head - stare at you over the bifocals as if to say "act up once more and I'll take you in the backroom to my people sized blender and flip the switch."

Now there's notta lotta correlation or communication during the year between the Shop and the Library - and I got the feeling that was simply AOK with both Jim and Charlotte.. This particular summer - Jim was summonsed with his crew to the library to chop the shelf closest to the door in half (twas too tall) so Charlotte could see if any punks were walking out with books and not checking them out..

Jim, being a Shop teacher - was obviously very good at his trade.. We painstakingly took our time to ensure the job was done well.. Then next day - the Summerworkerguy's Foreman happened upon our crew doing another task... He started to tease Jim about how Charlotte had complained and complained "those half-ass carpenters" and the shitty work that was done... Jim, about to spout, looked the Summerworkerguy's Foreman in the eyes and said "You tell that ASS AND A HALF librarian...." and at that point we all lost it - didn't hear the rest - but it was a moment I'll never forget.. (yeah yeah, until I pee my pants and forget my name.)

So, Charlotte's ass was large - and there are many that enjoy that.. "Don't want one ya have ta shake the sheets to find her" my old Park Department Supervisor would say..

There are many a kinda butts. Yes, big ones. Rounded ones. "No butts" - that's where ya can't distinguish any kinda projection from the back to the knees - it just goes straight on down... Skinny little butts.. "Cute" butts... all kindsa butts.

Prior to a Florida family trip - for quite a few weeks I teasingly said "Oh.. I don't know if I can subject myself to all the women that will be in thongs on the beach" closely followed by a glance and a wink at Maynard. By the time we finally arrived - they were tired of me saying it - and it'd reached "roll the eyes" preportion.

Yessireebob, finally there.. suitcases partially unpacked.. swim trunks on.. albinowhite skin there for the taking - we ran to the beach... Maynard, his mom, his aunt, couplea more of her kids... Kids got to the beach first.. we walked behind... wasn't a minute later Maynard and his cousin came running back shouting "EWWWWWW SIIIICCCKKK" - giggling as they did...

Turns out - the first thongs our eyeballs took in actually didn't belong to the glorious Coppertone lady like we thought we'd see. Twas two 40-something males - each with a pretty disgusting thong - holding hands with each other walking down the beach. - - - My father always usedta tease about this guy or that guy "not wanting to leave his buddies behind." Once my brain ripened a little - I knew he intended for that to be spelled "not wanting to leave his buddy's behind" - hehe.

He (father) also would happily sing the song "She's got freckles on her...but(t?) she's pretty" with a wink of an eye..

There's butt-ugly, butthead, showing one's ass, the butt of the joke, butting in, butting out, butting heads, Seymour Butts, Rear Admiral Butts, Billy Butts, Harry Butts, kickin butts (and takin' names)... lotta butts. Maynard has announced to me on numerous occasions "you're so ugly, you oughta shave your butt and walk backwards."

Recently a male co-worker hadta getta file out of a bottom drawer - as he knealt - uh huh, the ole plumber's butt thing popped out there.. a laid back female co-worker - arms folded - nonchalantly swung her head my way and said matterafactly "crack kills". Yes, he was em-bare-assed about that - but no, he didn't bang his head on file cabinet..

Lunchtime - 5 female co-workers and I sitting rounda round table outside - and someone, NOT ME, someone brought up the topic of anal sex. I DIDN'T SAY A WORD the entire conversation.. One by one they spoke around the table about how piggish men were - they became more and more incensed ("I told him GD, there's only one thing I use that for and what he wanted wasn't it!")- and soon ten eyeballs focused in on me with those "if looks could kill" eyes - and again, I hadn't done/said one damn thing!

Ok. This is THE END. I've got to run to the Mall. Sorry if this weren't all it was cracked up to be. I guess I could wipe it all out. Nah, I'll leave these keyboard skidmarks just in case any one may wanta read 'em. Whew, I'm kinda pooped. Happy day, bye bye now... Victurd.