I couldn't take it any longer
Lord I was crazed
And when the feeling came upon me
Like a tidal wave
I started swearing to my god and on my mother's grave That I would love you to the end of time
Yeah yeah yeah, we remember all that, but what we don't know is how the remainder of their life went.
I thought you'd never ask.
While the song never addressed it.. we are under the assumption Meatloaf got down on his knees.... and.... proposed. (For shame, for shame! YOUR MIND is TRULY in the gutter!)
She said yes. "We must go shopping for a ring. I wanna go to that one store that advertises "Now you have a friend in the jewelry business." "OK, I'll GPS it." "No, no, no, I know how to get there, just trust me."
"Hi sir, we're gonna be the Meatloafs, and as an appetizer (ha ha ha) we're engagement ring shopping." "Great, come on over to this display."
Pulling her arm back, whispering in her ear "Honey... did you see? The cheapest one is $3299. That's not a friend in the jewelry business, that's a rapist! These are funds I've accumulated for my Harley!"
"We'll address your Harley.... after... we pay for the ring... the wedding... put a down payment on The Meatloaf Manor... a living room set... dining room... bedroom.. and we can't forget to start on a college fund for the kiddos." "What kiddos? We only had that one time in the song!"
"I saw how you looked at that guy.... batted your eyes.. are you sleeping with him? You've been here before huh? THAT's why you wanted to come here.." "GOOD LORD MAN! I have been with you every night for 7 months since that night at the Drive In. When would I have had time to sleep with Ernie?" "AHA, SEE, you know his name." "Ahm, yes Meat, I do. It's on his nametag."
"Honey, your mom has been to our house now, 22 consecutive days to plan our Meatloaf wedding. I mean, I love her and all, but don't you think that's a bit much? I haven't seen my own dad since last Christmas." "MY FOLKS are the ones paying for the wedding. All your folks have to do is pay for the rehearsal dinner - and from observing your culinary habits, that probably means that'll be at Sonic or Arbys." "Hey, not a bad idea! Roast beef prices are crazy right now though."
"THANK GOODNESS that's over." "That's a fine attitude, our wedding was beautiful. The best Meatloaf concoction EVER." 'Yeah, I guess it really was nice... except for maybe that 8 minute, 42 second dance I had with your mother... Say, I get paid Friday, OK to put a couple hundred in savings for the Harley?" "HA! That's a good one! If we didn't have to pay for the pictures of me, us, at the wedding, we could certainly do that." (Meatloaf thinking under the breath "Criminy, what's that gonna cost, he took enough pictures we could look at a new one every day until we're 53.")
"Honey... you are awesome, and I can see that there's a little baby bump showing! Just 4 and a half months until Mini Meat gets here! Hey, I was thinking. For our reveal - howbout we invite everyone to my softball team's practice.. I go to the plate, and CRUSH one, and BOOM, out comes the blue (or the pink.)? "Oh contraire, I've already arranged with Sally at the Lush Life Spa, I'm going to get a massage, manicure, pedicure and facial, then, we'll invite everyone to the Courtyard in back of the Spa.. .it'll be a Pinata, and I will crush it. I'm praying for pink." "Let me think on it." "Catchy, but that won't work."
"Look, I got up with this kid at 1:20am, 2:35am and 3:13am, it's YOUR turn to rock him back to sleep." "Did you just forget all the trauma I went thru having this child? Now go upstairs and get him."
'I just now got back from the Parent Teacher Conference for Mini Meat... she says he's really struggling with Math." "Oh baby, don't worry about it. I did too. i can tellya though, once i got the job at the Harley Dealer working the counter, the computer does all that addin' and subtractin' fer ya. He'll be fine."
"I cannot believe Prom night is already here. We're going for pictures in about 30 minutes." "We ain't using that guy from the wedding that put us in hock for the first three years of our marriage are we?" "No, my cousin Janet is going to take pics." "Whew."
"Honey, here's a 2 one-hundred dollar bills. You take Jen someplace really cool to eat for prom, and please, be careful with the car. Precious cargo." "Thanks mom, and i will." "Yain't going to the Drive In areya?" "Daddddd.. it's Prom, NO." "Whew."
"Baby, I was thinking. We've got three kids now - we both agreed, that's all we're going to have. I know you though (ever since that night at the Drive In", so, that skeers me. I don't trust the rhythm method, and there's a gal I work with that got preggo WHILE she was on the pill.. I'd like for you to get a vasectomy." Meatloaf, ghostly white by now. "Ahm, I've made (and kept) all these promises I've made to you... caved in and got you the engagement ring, wedding ring, from that jewelry feller you were eyeballing.. the reveal you wanted.. a kajillion pics, got the Manor, the furniture, yada (and no Harley) BUT, we're talking about the family jewels here. Let me think on it." 'DO YOU NOT REMEMBER ME SCREAMING IN PAIN DURING LABOR? How do you think one little snip snip can compare to that?"
"I tell ya what. I'll barter with you. I will consent to this little snip snip you speak of, but ONLY if (and here's where I apologize to blog readers for this approaching R rated).. ONLY if, when it comes time, pun mebbe intended.. for a sample a month after the snip snip, that's you'll assist me in obtaining the specimen" "Let me think on it.: "Ha ha ha, funny, not." "OK, I'll do it."
"Ya know, that little snip-snip wasn't really as bad as what I thought. Of course I walked bow legged for three weeks and missed four softball games while the jewels recuperated. Say, speaking of which, today is the day I'm supposed to get the sample to take to the Doc, come up to the bedroom with me baby." 'Nope, changed my mind." "WHAT? After me promisin' 'till the end of time, 15,784 wedding pictures (not to mention your mom's halitosis when we danced).. you getting your pinata... all the colicky early morning hours I spent rocking Mini.. AND, getting my family jewels cut on, you're REALLY saying no?" "Yes. I mean, YES, I'm saying no. Now go up the the bathroom and get your sample, we've got to be at Doc's office in 30 minutes."
A bit later. Meatloaf, looking quite sheepish, walks down the stairs holding his little sample in the baggy Doc gave him. When he reached the bottom of the stairs, Mrs. Meatloaf looked up and asked,
"Do you feel like a cigarette now" (There's an unwritten rule, you never LOL at your own jokes, but she was LOL'ing.)
In spite of the doubters, they just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. For the occasion, Mrs. Meat got him that Harley Heritage Softtail Classic he's always dreamed about. He's in heaven, they're out near the West Texas town of El Paso, seeing the USA.
"Honey? For old timesake, wanna go to the Drive In tonight?" "Sure Meat... but remember, we're on the motorcycle." "OK, I won't make no moves. I promise."
Paul Harvey, good day.
By Henry Gibson.. . Forward by whoever it was that wrote that 50 Shades thing.
Love, Victurd
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