The best laid plans of men and mice.......
Mice? Mice plan? Mice have intentions? Mice plan to get laid? Minnie says "Oh Mickey you're so fine, oh Mickey you're so fine you blow my mind, Hey Mickey, Hey Mickey...."
Rotate those tires, change the oil, "fill 'er up, Ethel please"... New wiper blades, wiper fluid, check... Tranny fluid, uh huh.. car wash, spic and span, all cleaned out, here, take my dust pan...
"Liberty Tow, can I help you?".... Yessir, you see, I was cruising down I-35, going the speed limit... ok, five miles over.. car started pullin' to the left, then to the right...I hear this ker-plunk ker-plunk ker-plunk..."
I was on my way to pickup my date... to work... to my ballgame.. to my kids's soccer game.. to church... to the Community College... To my buddy's 40th BD party... and wouldya believe it? The car bobbed, then weaved.. then koo koo kah choo'ed.. then, s'more ker-plunk, ker-plunk, ker-plunk.. (enter grinding metal noise here)...
You see, I'd just graduated.. started a new job.. got married.. had a kid... joined the PTA and the YMCA... life was rollin' pretty good... even kinda liked my house and my hood... the savings account.. yep, getting built up.. then, koo koo kah choo, ker-plunk, ker-plunk, ker-plunk...enter grinding metal noise here followed by fingernails on the chalkboard of life.....
The garden was growin, ain't stole no strawberries yet, the maters were changing to red, I hate maters, got friends who love 'em though, avid aters...
I'd just got a raise... the garden hose started leaking... "Mr. I'm sorry to say, your foundation is creaking... that'll be (enter some unGodly amount I ain't got here).. " Holy shit. Victor, off to church, you can't behave like that.
But it's life. It's sposedta go like ya thunk... koo koo kah choo, grinding metal noise, ker-plunk, ker-plunk.
Hey Sonny, 2nd grade pictures back, so very cool. WHAT? Middle school already? I remember the day you started (life.).. 9th grade basketball? So very cool. I'll pickup you up after practice, maybe one day you'll dunk. Koo koo kah choo, gitty up gitty up, nope, ker-plunk, ker-plunk.
Honey? I talked to Hank, you know, number two in command at our bank. The IRA's almost kaput, the housing market sank. Do we owe on our Visa? I'd like to fill up the tank. Koo koo kah choo, we're penniless, but not homeless, ker-plunk, ker-plunk."
Might as well have some fun, it's been all of our cravings, c'mon, we're headed to Colorado, stealing from our savings. The hell are them big fans? The middle'a Kansas, hey, they make flint molehills outta mountains.. Not a creature was stirring, been miles since we seen an abode.. The hell? ANOTHER toll road? Baby hand me Twenty, sorry, all I got is five. Hi Mister, here's five. It's six and a quarter to the border sir.. I ain't gots no more, can I continue to drive? Son, move your feet, we gotsa look under the seat. A quarter, hell yeah.. only a dolla short. Eh, on you go Mister, we've all had bad luck, even the elf on a shelf.. Carry on to Salina, but no no more, don't bad mouth Bill Self. Thankya kindly sir, RockChalk...Victor, I can't believe you said that, I 'bout fainted, went black. Don't worry Honey, fingers crossed behind my back.
Graduation, yippee, would you look at you! Loved watchin as you flipped that tassle, good luck little buddy, life ain't no hassle. Honey? He just pulled in the drive. Can you go ask him "What gives?".. I did honey, he said "But Mom, this is where I lives."
WHAT? You say she's preggo? Hells bells, we just last week threw away the Leggos. I'll panel and carpet the basement, sound insulation - Heaven sent, no babies screamin, that's what I meant. Say son, can you afford some rent?
Well dad I could, but I was drivin' and the car pulled to the left, then the right, there I hears this koo koo kah choo, some like metal grinding noise, then ker-plunk, ker-plunk..... Weeeeee doggies, is that chili I smell? Hey honey, here's my bowl, can you scoop me some with that ladle? Winter's a comin' and I think the cats in the cradle.. and soon the grandkid too.
Layoffs at the plant, the hell am I gonna do? I dunno, but as I was driving home, the car went koo koo kah choo. WHAT? You're preggo again? But baby it's been at least three months since we... oh, never mind, we'll figure a way..
Back to work... ahhhhhhhh. Say Lou? Can you fetch me a ride? I was drivin' the other day and my car went koo koo kah choo. Damned warranty just expired. One day surely, will I be retired?
Fitty-something now, would you look at those wrinkles? Bonified old, at night, seven tinkles. Hey baby, ya wanna have some fun like we did back in the day? OK you say? And then I pulled to the left, pulled to the right, hear this koo koo kah choo, then ker-plunk, ker-plunk. It's ok honey, we'll get you some pills, no worries here, you'll always be my hunk.
Garden hose tape has lasted awhile.. look at them beans, bout ready to sprout. Been two years since Sonny, his gal and the baby moved out, koo koo kah choo, ker-plunk ker-plunk.
Gonna grab me some logs to throw on the fire.. come sit close baby, 392 days till i retire. Once I do, we'll jump in the truck.. plug in the Eagles, a little Hotel California, maybe some Desparado.. we'll get the hell outta here, maybe back to Colorado. Honey, please look at my mouth. We ain't going thataway, instead we'll go South. Right you are, you always are, took me awhile to learn that, but here I am, koo koo kah choo.
Life's gone quick, faster'n I'd thunk, some damn good times between ker-plunk and ker-plunk.
Dallas? Corpus? We are so deserving, let's spoil ourself and go all the way to the Gulf.
Weeeeeee doggies gas is high down here. Don't worry honey, not a drop I will spill. Excuse me Mister? Battrie's dead, ain't got no jumpers. Can you gimme a push, over the hill?
You see, my blog is koo koo kah choo, ker-plunk and ker-plunk. Life's quite a sight, see checkenginelight.
I come here to bitch... to moan.. to gripe.. to groan.. it's my own little space.
But ya know what? In spite of ker-plunk ker-plunk, you'll play hell wiping the smile of life off my face.
By Henry Gibson. Forward by Chilton's.
Love, Victurd
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