I'm all for it.
Man, for centuries, has been told, reminded, even scolded "Big boys don't cry"... "Be a man"... "Man up"... "Momma's boy."
Thus, boys have a tendency to suppress their emotions.. rum away from them... stomp them out.
An article I found in "The Irish Times" shows the view from a teacher's shoes:
“As a teacher,” says Forman, “I’ve often witnessed the wonderful way children respond with genuine feeling and concern for a friend or classmate who is upset and crying. The message that we are not alone in our distress is one of the most powerful ones we can give to each other – it helps us to bond and connect with each other on a deeper level.
“When we send children the message that it is okay to feel sad or upset and to cry, and we soothe and comfort them, we are validating their experiences and feelings. That is the first step towards processing these big feelings, recovering from them and learning how to self-soothe. Healthy emotional self-regulation cannot develop unless children are encouraged to express their emotions openly as a starting point.”
Suppression of feelings can lead to danger, my take, and the article pretty much claims same. Sure, we should teach our kids to be resilient.
Foreman continued "there is a common misconception that being resilient means being tough or unaffected by strong feelings, which is a very unhealthy response. We need to teach children that being resilient is being able to feel and express our feelings and having the inner strength to cope with them all."
Sorry to copy so much, but I'm the first to admit to, learn from others that are so wise.
Then we grow older. What about crying as we age? I have a friend who recently was to undergo a very serous operation to eradicate a cancer growth. Number one, this person is always very upbeat, strong anyways, and leading up to the that day, same. I finally told her, "I so admire you and your positive approach, but have you had a moment where....." and I didn't even need to finish, "OH YEAH, trust me, I've teared up a time or two." Whew, she's normal. Also happy to report surgery went well, cancer GONE. She amazing may not be proper English, but, she amazing!
If ya didn't feel, ya wouldn't cry. How sad would that be?
Growing up, I never saw my father cry.......... of course, while the school of thought is ever changing, he grew up in the era a man must never show his emotions. And then, he got Parkinsons. I hate Parkinsons. I don't understand Parkinsons - but if there was an ounce of good to be had, at least it allowed him to cry, express.. Not fun to see, but, semi comforting, i guess, to learn it was in there all along.
I'm a wimp. Not ashamed of that at all. I can watch a video online and be moved to tears instantaneously. Sure, there are sad tears and there are happy tears. My take is each, are a prerequisite to coping with this thing called life.
Sometimes I think I need a lesson or two on resilience, but I'm ok there too. I will no longer do visitation lines. A fraternity brother passed a few years back, I managed to keep it together in the 20 minute wait in line.. by time I got up to his widow, I lost it. I felt horrible. She already felt horrible enough for sure. Now, I stay in a back pew, sign the book so the family will know I was there and that I absolutely care - but I just can't take that chance again to make one's feelings even sadder. I know I know people understand we're all different that way, it's just me and what I must do into the future.
Happy to report though, I also for sure cry happy tears when moved to do so, and I'm elated I do.
Sorry this probably ain't been fun, but please know this. Crying, to me, is about feeling. If we didn't feel, the hell is the use in even being here?
"If you laugh, you think and you cry, that's a full day. That's a heck of a day. You do that seven days a week you're going to have something special." Jim Valvano
Love, Victurd
No comments:
Post a Comment