Double D and balls....

Ahm, this has mostly been a PG rated blog. Victor, are you sinking to the lowest of lows and doing a blog on porn?

Nope. Double D has nothing (in this instance) to do with boobs - and please don't get your tits in the ringer over that.

Double D is my cousin, since 1955. He's also my fraternity brother, and, the proverbial "Nicest guy ever."

Sorry, kinda, to expose DD, but, were my sister here she might offer (With a smile).. "nanny nanny boo boo, stick your head in blog doo."

OK Victor, we've got the DD part... whatsup with the balls?

We ain't talking Lucille.. we ain't talking that reasonably crazy man from LA with the basketball playing sons.. We ain't talking Cinderella and the lost slipper.. and not foot, basket, tennis, base, soft, golf balls.. well OK, maybe soft.. read on:

He'd texted me a picture of a billboard from 2012 in Fulton, MO (Double Damn, that completely does in his anonymity) along with the verbiage "If you run out of ideas.. I'd like your take about this." The billboard was an advertisement for the 19th Annual Testicle Festival in downtown Olean, MO.

My first take was "It's always fun when things kinda rhyme" and you're nuts if you believe that because of course my first take was "WHAT? A TESTICLE FESTIVAL?"

Wiki relates "A testicle festival is an event held at several small towns in which the featured activity is the consumption of animal testicles, usually battered and fried." The oldest of such is in Byron, Illinois - and there are annual fests in Michigan, California, Ohio, Oklahoma, Idaho - and of course Olean, Missouri where, damn daddy, it just happened (June 2nd, 2018).

"In English, testicles are known by a wide variety of euphemisms, including "stones", "prairie oysters", "mountain oysters", and so on. Lamb testicles are often called "lamb fries" or simply fries." OK, wide variety doesn't cut it for me, more: rocks, nuts, cookies, biscuits, cobblers, goolies, testis.. and finally, in college, our intramural football team was known as the nads.. our sorority friends would gather in the bleachers cheering us on with "GO NADS!"

I literally have THE MOST QUEESY stomach EVER, and I could never partake. With one hand over my eyes, I squinted as I read the types of edible testicles to learn 'calves, lambs, roosters, turkeys' and there are probably more, but (Victor, don't say it) I didn't have the balls to look.

I am very pleased to learn these festivals didn't come to fore until AFTER the sailing of Noah's Ark.

Saddened to learn Montana scrapped their festival due to some very sad events (including deaths from alcohol related driving).. One article stated "But throughout it's 'storied' 35-year history, Testicle Festival has become less about the testicles and more about debauchery, drunkedness, and roughhousing. I'm not sure what outsiders would consider the typical testicle enthusiast to be, but picture 10,000 Sturgis rejects enjoying copious amounts of alcohol." I'm sorry to have read that, 'cause I was gonna ask if anyone had been to one of these festivals, but now you might be dubiously labeled a drunken Sturgis reject.

Harry Carey might rollover in his grave if he were to hear the opening ceremony and the singing of "Take me out to the ball game" of this ilk.

They could have one at Christmas "I yust go nuts at Christmas." Or, maybe time it to where the sun and the moon appear almost side by side during the New Moon phase. Of course it oughta be held on the 2nd day of the month.

Suggested Host City event places: Ballplay, AL.. Blue Ball, AR... Balls Ferry, GA... Balltown, IA... Sac Bay, MI... Big Sag, MT... Nutley, NJ.. Butternuts, NY... Ballville, OH.. and of course Muncie, IN.. HUH? Yeah, Muncie, home to Ball State University.

Theme song? But of course, Great Balls of Fire..

In closing, stolen from the internet:

"Joe was a successful lawyer, but as he aged he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. When his career and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help....

"The good news is I can cure your headaches.. the bad news is it will require castration.. you have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache.. the only way to relieve the pressure is castration....

"Shocked, he ultimately deemed he had no choice but to comply... went under the knife.. left the hospital without a headache for the first time in 20 years..

"Decided to make a new beginning, live a new life - saw a men's clothing store, walked in, "I'd like to get a new suit."

"Tailor eyed him, said "Let's see, 42 long." Yes, how'd you know? "Been in the business 60 years".. And I'd like a new shirt.. "Let see, sleeves, 34", and 16 and a half neck".. Wow! Yes! "Been in the business 60 years" the tailor replied.

"Shoes.. "Let's see, 10 and 1/2 E".. YES! Of course, "Been in the business 60 years."

"Howabout some new underwear now?" Sure Joe said.. "Let's see," the salesman stepped back and said "Size 36." Joe laughed, "Ah ha, I got you! I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old!" The salesman shook his head "You can't wear a size 34, it will press your testicles against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."

WOW Victor, two blogs in one day, and this one was quite disgusting!

Hey, don't be testi, and it was Darrell's idea! (Oops)... And regarding 2nd blog, yes, I guess that makes it a pair.

I can think of no catchy ending, a new blog year has begun, and the ball has dropped.

By Henry Gibson...

And, love, Victurd
(You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant, exceptin' Alice)