Wednesday, December 12, 2018

Oh job, won'tcha buy me, a Mercedes Benz...

It's just a tad frustrating, the world at our fingertips (Google), yet, I can't find much research on what us kids (Boomers) wanted to be when we grow up, yet, I can get 18 pages of instructions on how to replace the alternator on my 2008 Grand Prix, or, find a kajillion and six recipes for crockpot beef stew.

I found "most people in this era wanted to be a laywer, a doctor, or work for the government. Usually women didn't work if they could affort it, instead they were housewives." Ethel was always home when Fred got off work, Lucy for Ricky, Jeannie for Major Healy.

You don't hear, nowadays, women, gals, kiddos, desiring to be a housewife. Just shoot me, you asked for it, you got it, Toyota.

I, for a long time, dreamed of being a Major League Baseball Player. Then, whatthehell is this curveball thing they're throwing? Hmmm, on second thought.

What did you wanna be, and wereya?

I have friends who are lawyers, doctors, work for the government. I've got friends who fly planes, one who fed people on planes, and me, I loaded suitcases, mail, freight and passengers on planes. Plane ole work.

Factory workers, accountants, clerical, teachers, coaches, nursing home work, retail, wholesale, sales - inside/outside, food industry, yada. Victor, this is boring. I know. Just keeping it real.

Actually, when I grow up, I want to... One, be upright. Two, be sedentary. Three, solve Sudoku puzzles for so long it makes me so tired I haveta take a nap. But Victor, those things don't help people? Oh contrare Maxwell House breath, to the Victor go the spoils.

We've all seen some of the ideas kids nowadays have, so, I will bore you with repeating some of them. I guess that's akin to "I'm on vacation, here's a Pete/RePete blog, sorry, we're stuck with it today.":

Along with police officer, fire fighter, dancer, astronaut, yada:

I want to get a girlfriend, kiss her, rule the world.

When I grow up I want to be a dog.

I want to be a vegetarian and help fix animals.

I don't want to grow up. (Maybe THE BEST all time answer.)

"I was in my daughter's kindergarten class and this subject came up... nurse.. pop star.. and so forth.. then my daughter stood up and said "I want to be a mermaid.".. I was devastated.. until the girl next to her stood up and said "I want to be a fish."

While I was waiting for a plane at an airport, I heard a young boy telling his grandfather he wanted to be a BIG TREE.

I asked my 3 kids what they wanted to do when they grew up. 10-yr old said "I want to be a teacher." 8-yr old "I want to be a writer." 6-yr old said "I want to run the machine that cuts the heads off the chickens." Alll-righty then.

I want to be a mailbox.

I want to live in mom's basement and play Fortnite. (This one I made up, but sadly, me thinks it rings true.)

ALL of the above is stolen. I really don't have a way outta this. Did you get the job you dreamed about when you grew up?

OK, I thought of a way out. My father inlaw (may he rest in peace) - I loved. He would say of me "That Victor, he's a really nice man. He's just a little occupationally challenged." Huh? Why'd he say that?

Well.. because, I did these, so I musta grown up dreaming about doing them: umpired, reffed, lined ballfields, cut grass, cut holes on greens at a golf course, taught, coached, loaded airplanes, ticketed passengers, computed weight/balance for airplanes to arrive upon the mean aeronautical cord (whateverinthehell that is) to give to the Captain for settings on takeoff, sold air freight, sold hotel rooms, owned an air cargo delivery business, dealt craps, forklift/inventory operator in a warehouse, loaded/unloaded trucks, waited tables, hauled sod (yuck), managed a Sonic, painted outbuildings in the future path of Hwy 435 to up owner's property values, laid brick, Sports Information Director for a college conference, bowling alley, Home Depot, logistics-18 years, you name it, I've done too much of it. And I'm sure I missed few.

I always admired Cowboy Bob (a kid's radio show host from back in the day).. yeah, I coulda done that.. well, woulda done it, dunno if I coulda.. but I'll never forget his sign off one day when he forgot to turn off the mike....."THERE, that oughta please the little bastards."

Happy When I Grow Up I Wanna Be Day,

By Henry Gibson (Poet/writer)...and contributions by Art Stinkletter

Love, Victurd, the occupationally challenged one

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