Upon occasion (that's not true, damn near every 'night') I find my eyes wide open at 3am. I try snoozing on the opposite side - nope..So, back to the normal side for one last try - nope.
So, this morning I was up. To make coffee or not? I did. Flipped the TV on - intent was to watch whatever channel it was on until my eyes couldn't take it any more and I'd return to bed, inspitea having coffee.
A movie. Hallmark I think it was. Of course, a love story. They fall. They do really cute things together (four whole minutes of the movie were spent watching them makeout in various places around town.) She gets her dream job in a State miles away. He's heartbroken. She flies off. Walks into new job first day, smiles abound. Right decision, but soon, she misses him very much.
One day not long after - on an observation tower overlooking skyscrapers (of course), he finds the lass.. They smooch.. Down on his knees he asks. "YES!" They smooch. Soon, the credits roll, as did (close your ears) a few tears of mine. And, it's assumed they lived HAPPILY EVER AFTER.....
Which..... encompasses:
Them sleeping naked. Well, it's the new millennium, they've done that, but now, they must each wash the other's drawers. Eww. He realizes she's a night owl, sleeps in. He wants hanky pank at 8pm, snooze by 9. The first 7 days she sleeps thru her alarm it's cute. Day 8 he whomps her with his pillow. A Sleep Number bed helps - but soon, the German Shepherd puppy will take up 1/2 of the bed, rendering them each to the outer 1/4.
Soon, morning sickness. Later, delivery where she calls him every name in book for getting her in this place to begin with. Baby makes one forget all that.
Colic ahead. They thumb rassle at 2am to see who will get up with screaming child. The day will come the child is on his/her last diaper, and it's fulla poop. The car that's behind in the driveway won't start, so, he finagles the car in front thru the yard, gets stuck, has an $80 tow bill, but...also, soon, a bag filled with a sack of newborn Huggies.
One of the two will one day find their phone in the upstairs toilet. (FYI to them, it's bullshit about rice, never works.} Potty training will include derailment, then paper/scissors/rock to see whose turn it is.
They'll watch him/her bravely hop on the bus to kindergarten.. She breaks down, he snuggles her and hopes she doesn't see that he's tearing up.
She'll have a flat tire on Interstate. The left one... and soccer practice ends in 7 minutes.
She'll forego 3 months of StitchFix, as will he 3 months of 'poker night' with the buddies, in order to buy way too many damn presents for their kid(s) at Christmas.
He'll swallow, happily, everything she cooks - thus, learns to cook himself - and in years, he'll be happy for being able to down one of her many wonderful meals. He makes lasagna every other Thursday, and would like a medal for doing so.
Their kid begins dating, and they think back to that day Michelle Obama was on Ellen, and she talked about when their daughter began dating, and how two secret service cars followed right on their tail, and that's a main reason they were glad for a 2nd term.
Kid meets annuder, falls in love. Marries. This time he lets her see him cry. They return to empty nest later that night. He wants hanky pank, she's more attuned to watching Jimmy Kimmel on the couch, falling asleep thereafter.
They will lose jobs, car keys, cell phones... sadly, loved ones and classmates.
They will each lose their cool approximately 673 times over the years. She sees that as "you were such an ass, did I really throw that candlestick at you?", he views it as "ah, 1300-some times of make-up hanky pank."
One day, getting ready to go out, she will have her duds on, turn to him and ask "Does this make my butt look big?".. With one eye on the rolling pin, he doesn't answer, but connects his phone to youtube and plays Eric Clapton's "Wonderful Tonight" for a quick 3 minute dance, in hopes of hanky pank after they return from the evening.
Looks fade, love deepens.
They'll one day youtube Gloria Gaynor's "I will survive".. remember the burnt pork chops, poopy diapers, more bills than bank balance, that bad fight they got into in '33 and can't neither of 'em remember what it was about or who started it. Aging parents and sad endings.
They'll also remember the walks together. Wonderful bad breath morning kisses. Hugs. Hands held. Backs rubbed. Soup fixed for colds. The delight in each others eyes over something their kid did. Laughing at past "howinthehell are we gonna make it thru this?"... Decorating 48 Christmas trees together. All the doors he held open for her. All the peanut butter cookies she took to him on the couch.
Then. One 'night', around 3am he will get insomnia. He'll watch a patented Hallmark movie about love from the sofa (she'd zonked on the couch, but he slid her down enough so he'd have room too.) The credits will roll. He'll shed tears, real tears. Insteada bonking her over the head with a pillow, he'll kiss her cheek, carry her into her sleep number 63 side, lay her down to sleep. Pet the hound, jump is his 32# side, slide the cat over so they'll each have halfa pillow..
And think back on how lucky they both each are.
By Henry Hallmark Gibson,
Love, Victurd
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