Yep, how they make 'em nowadays. They're comfy, not itchy. Oh, sometimes it takes a bit for the old eyes to find the 'tag' to make sure yain't got it on bassackwards, or, inside out - but, a small price to pay for comfort.
Conform. Fit. Smooth. Quoting Austin Powers "YEAH BABY!"
I really didn't mind the old tags. They quickly letya know if cotton, poly, nylon, etc., and the percentage of each therein. Whether of not you haveta hand wash, wash in cold (or warm) water, or, if ya gotta dry clean. Of course, size matters. Ya can see XS,S, M, L XL, XXL, etc, Long, tall, +size, etc. (If/when I shop for women and find 4, 6, 8, 10, 12, 14, yada - I get scared. How does one pick size [when told "Medium"], without really knowing, without getting in probable trouble?) Victor, this is pretty boring, get on with the gist of it all or I'm gonna turn on PBS. Ok.
Designers on the old tags got creative, uh huh, they did. "These T-Shirts were tested on animals. They didn't fit."
Or, "For best results: Machine wash, tumble dry low. Never iron design. For worst results: Drag thru puddle behind car. Blow dry on roof rack." Hey, whatever sells, and how else would Spencer's stay in business?
"Can be washed by both men and women." #ShareTheLoad. <-- I like it, mighta saved a lotta marriages (yes Your Honor, I was guilty)...
Then there's the jean maker that put a label down there and warn "This zipper may harm your penis. Zip with caution." Been there, blood curdling scream that certainly was heard way over in Lawn and Garden.
Among the add-ons I found after things like 'wash gentle cold', 'no bleach', 'no iron', 'do not dry clean' were things like "Do not wear for Sumo Wrestling", and "It's never so hot that you have to take off your shirt, don't be that guy." "Always wash your butt." "Or, give it to your mother, she knows how to do it." "Made on Earth." "Remove child before washing." "Made with love by really really pretty blonde girls."
How well do you have to know someone to tuck their tag in when it's sticking out? The stranger infronta ya at the movie theater? Does it OCD drive you nuts?
Ever bought a gift where the hanger was labeled size 4, ya give it, it's unwrapped and you realize it's actually a size 7? Ever buy a nice light top at a Thrift Store, ya get home and the damn buttons are bassackwards, you realize you bought a chick shirt? Every buy an XL shirt,
get home to try it on and damn if it ain't a kid's size? (Yes, to all of the above for me. Don't tell.)
Victor, if this blog were a funnel, whereinthehell are you going with it?
Glad you asked. This is about my favorite tag of all, the irregular tag that has a baby 'cut' in it. Ya don't see 'em any more. They had a bad stitch, or a double stitch on accident when there shoulda been a single stich, a tiny hole, SOME KINDA IMPERFECTION. Cause "that's life."
That's us. That's me. Color me human (machine wash warm.)
I've said "I do" when I shoulda said "I dunno." I've hit the gas when I shoulda looked left, right, then back left again. I've found my zipper to be down three hours after arriving at work. I've ordered Nachos "Hold the sour cream", got it, took a big bite only to find PATOOEY, hidden under the cheese, they forgot, I HATE sour cream, what do I do now?
I studied this in school when I shoulda studied that. I said "This" as a parent when I shoulda said "That" (or nothing.) I've inserted my foot in my mouth so many times I don't need no stinking label to deem my foot size.
IMPERFECTION. IRREGULAR TAG. That - is life. But, that kinda makes it fun. Like diving into a really deep pool, swooshing your way upward thinking "Damn, am I gonna make it?" Sweating profusely as one awakens from a dream, that moment when "whew", you realize it was a dream, you get up, you go about your day and something EVEN WEIRDER happens?
That's what I'm talking about. Life is irregular. It ain't tagless. It don't come with no 'structions like a regular ole regular tag.
I've ruined shirts, jeans, jackets, jammies, stuff that was dry clean only, marriages, friendships, jobs, drives, jogs, directions, yada, whilst paying no heed to GPS, tags, advice, Ann Landers, Billy Graham, Dr. Laura (Patooey), Dr. Oz, Dr. Phil (patooey), Mr. Rogers, Captain Kangaroo, textbooks, teachers, counselors.......etc.
Life - is irregular. That. That's the way, uh huh uh huh, I like it. YEAH BABY.
Tag, you're it. Love, Victurd.
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