What? Me worry?

I terribly miss Vanda K. Schultze, my sister. When siblings are youths, the teasing can be 'something'. When she was nine-ish (I was four), due to my red hair and freckles, the 'given right' to poke fun at a younger sibling, and the popularity of Mad Magazine, she called me Alfred E. Newman - infamous for his red-headed, freckled faced googy looking mug on the cover of Mad, with the moniker "What? Me Worry?"

I only wish she were here today to call me that again. Oh I usedto run to mom, cry, feel bad, get mad - but looking back now, I treasure that.

Recently, after a blog, I received a very nice thank you from someone who said they'd been down - but something I'd written lifted them. Incredibly nice of this person to take the time to tell me that. If only they knew.

If only they knew I DO write for me, to me, hitchhikers welcome.

A buddy had a post on FB, something to the effect of "How many people hate me?" It was onea those 'tests' you take, you know like "what flower are you?".. "what does your name mean?".. "How will you die", yada. His was at 78. "Wow, I thought, that's a lot." So, of course, I did mine, BEGGING that it didn't show up on my page for everyone to see.

278. Holy Rusted Metal BatMan! So, loving math as I do, I went to subtraction. 564 friend minus 278 that hate me = 286, whew, at least I've got a slightly better percentage than the 2017 Royals.

This bugged me. All my life a goal has been to simply be liked by others. Oh, I know there are those that no matter what, they ain't gonna like ya. (When I was a Freshman in HS, this skinny Senior guy stalked me daily, purposely instilling the fear of God in me. He even pulled a knife on me in the 3rd floor bathroom, I guess to see me piss my pants before I reached the urinal. After awhile, I'd decided I wasn't going to be bullied - showing no discern to his speech, actions - and soon, the embers grew cold, he stopped.)

But, the 278 really did bug me. So, since it's 2017, I Googled the site and wrote "why do so many people hate me?"

1) Too many pictures. And true, a person dear to me tags me daily in pics - I know for a fact I lost some friends over this, so I changed a setting where I had to approve first.

2) "Too many friends", or so it said.. people with 100 friends had a better friend rating than ones over 300. "Friending out of desperation." I don't think that's me. Hope not anyways.

3) Disclosing something too intimate. Well, with this damn blog, probably so. The more I studied this (the hate, and why it bugs me I've learned I have something called Approval Seeking Syndrome, or, ASS, HA!).. So, my ASS, to boost me up, went and found that this goofy blog has been looked at 47,886 times. "Victor, you're an ASS, up that hate number by one to 279." Hehe.

4)5)6) Posting a close up photo... Hiding emotion (ha, not me).. Acting too nice.

All my life I think I've cared too much about what others think. One time, I heard a guy say "I wouldn't walk across the street to keep from pissing someone off." I needs me a happy medium! One former girl said I had "avoidance behavior" and she was right. I abhor conflict, thus, I run from it. Another term I found befitting my 'problem', "Approval addiction."

Stealing from a nifty article I found "To put it simply, addiction to approval puts your happiness in control of others."

The inner critic says "You're not good enough." "You’re nothing compared to these people around you. If you give yourself approval, you’re being selfish.” to that end, the article says:

"You also have a part of yourself that says, “You’re worthy. You’re good enough. You’re just as valuable as anyone else.” The question becomes: “Which voice do I choose to align to?” And lastly:

"Finally, there is the ultimate key to overcoming approval addiction. It’s by using the greatest motivator— unconditional love."

Back to square one. I blog, to me, for me, hitchhikers welcome. We ALL have problems out here. If Google were a woman, I'd ask her to marry me in a heartbeat.

Ever leave your car SO messy, it really upsets you but you squalor in it for days upon end insteada taking five minutes to clean it? Me too. Ever wake up and think "Do I really haveta?" Me too. Ever have a relationship end, not your choice, and think the sky was falling? Me too. (I have seen this happen also to two of my best friends. They BOTH found another, and their relationship now is WAY better than one they've ever had. Uh huh, keeps me going baby!)..

The point is, again, we all have problems. We are human, hear us err (and roar, at ourselves.) This goofy blog, filled with self deprication, is yes, for me - but also for you. I've had two people message me about me being positive here. I gotta, to keep the "I hate me" mongers outta my brain.

I do confide in others, and I've gotten some very, very sane, needed advice. I honestly do Google, research, when I have a problem, set out to write a blog, yada. You can too. It helps. It's helped me anyways.

To get ridda this ASS, not worry about the 278 (oops, now 279), to hurdle "Approval Addiction" it really (so I read) kinda boils down to one thing, and that's simply liking yourself. I do, in spite of the flaws within.

So to the 279, I say "What? Me Worry?" I like myself.

I so, so miss my sister. Yes, she teased the heck out of me, but she was SO GOOD TO ME. She was literally, my biggest booster as years went on. I hope you have that someone in your life too.

Love, Alfred E. Newmanturd.