Lest anyone forget, I'm here for me, I write to me, for me, hitchhikers welcome. I remember the "How many people hate you?" thingy on FB, I saw a guy with 72 and thought "wow", then I did the little test and it was 272 that hate me, or something like that. That's ok, I can take it, sure it bugs me, but... you can please all of the people some of the time.. eh, you know. So, read on, or exit, stage left.
Here to talk about life. With paddle, without paddle. One of those hideous fold up maps with 63 creases.. or, a bookmap, or, heaven forbid, blinders on - GPS reliant.
There ain't really any "structions" that accompany birth.
I can be a nervous sort. My mind, sometimes, thinks faster than my body reacts. Long ago, breakroom @ Eastern Airlines, Kansas City, I was thrust in the 'lead role' simply because the true lead was off, we had a junior crew - and by seniority, I was next man up. Hell, I screw up my own life sometimes, howinthehell was I supposed to lead seven working two flights. So, comparing to sleep - I was tossing and turning. In real, awake life, I started in one direction, another damn thought entered my brain, I immediately did a 180, and trekked on. A much older, wiser buddy - my beloved friend Herbert, smiled as I did this. He knew of my want to do good - but he also saw I needed some calming down - just as I pivoted on the 180 he spoke "Hey Vic? You gotta nail in that shoe?"
He was right. I laughed. I calmed down. I was uncertain of which damn direction to go - and he helped put me back on a calmer, more organized path.
Life. Uncertain of which damn direction to go. I ain't got answers fer sure, but mebbe that's not a bad thing. Oh I can bemoan "damnit, I'm the lone survivor of my nuclear family, HELP! NOT FAIR!"... or "You guys all gotta mate, do you have any idea how hard this (life) is when there ain't no "point/counterpoint?"... Then, I stop and remember a friend I saw at the reunion who just lost his longtime spouse.
I remember another friend who tends to an ailing mother with Parkinsons. I remember my buddy, and I can't begin to place my feet in his shoes as he stares at his wife, unresponsive, in the hospital bed.
Perspective.
It's obvious from above, I ain't perhaps the best, right, leader - and turn left if you think I'm here to spout "do it my way.. do what I say." My quest is for me, and anyone else who'd like to hop on, or, read on - AND, to certainly input your ideas, ways, means, even if only 'speaking' to yourself.
Things that help me when I'm out of gas, have a flat tire, see more bills than money in the account, waller in self-pity, GPS on the fritz, fallen outta the boat with no preserver.
I pray. Yes. Yes I do.
I immerse myself with loved ones. Not THE tonic alone, but a damn good one.
I hang around friends. Listen, learn. Comprehend, hey, we've all got problems - and sometimes simply overhearing leads to ideas on howthehell to get out of the breakout room.
Regis, I'd like to phone a friend. Sure, ten guys, a beer or two each is damn therapeutic - but there's nuttin' like a good ole good ole one on one with a BFF who will either say "I'm here to help".. "Call me anytime".. or, "you dumbass, why would you think/feel like that?"
I drive. Yep. By yesteryear. I can't imagine living anywhere else, not having the history to - presto - drive by in a millisecond - so perhaps returning to recent happy places is a possible fix. For me, some of my best thinking is from behind the wheel. "There's where we wore out the grass basepaths playing whiffle ball. Remember climbing that rock wall? Do you remember that time Buck Buchanan stopped and talked to us ten year olds for at least twenty minutes? The ice cream man always came by this time of day."
Ya get lost in yesteryear, today's problems kinda jump in the backseat.
I Google. Yes, yes I do. You can find answers, suggestions, for anything from "how to cook the best lasagna".. to "Replacing the starter in a 1997 Chrysler Lebaron".. to, "Help, I'm about to give up." I never would, emphasis on the 'about', but Google can/does help.
Emulate. "What would ____do/say?".... "He/she is/was the calmest, kindest, smartest one I know, what would they do if they too had this damn nail in their shoe of life?"
How many roads must a man walk down
Before they can call him a man?
How many seas must a white dove sail
Before she sleeps in the sand?
How many times must the cannon balls fly
Before they're forever banned?
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind
The answer is blowin' in the wind.
Yes, music. Music is a yummy slice of the pizza of diffusing "holy shit, now what" times. Certain you have your faves. I can Youtube Ray Charles and after three songs I forget whatinthehell I was worrying about.
Sotto. Yeah, I know, I didn't know whatintheheck it was until yesterday. Talking to one's self. Checks and balances. Sotto affords bitch slapping and back patting, sometimes all in one 'conversation.'
Just know: all of us have that nail in the shoe upon occasion. I am at the front of the line in recognizing I do (and yeah, thanks in part sometimes to friends like Herbert.}
It takes a village of ideas.
And if you can't be with the one you love.. honey, love the one you're with:
You
Love, Victurd.
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