Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Whaddever floats your boat...

As a young turd (or young Victurd) we had a lot at the Lake of the Ozarks... as well as a steel/metal cabin-cruiser that we'd annually haul to and fro. Onea my jobs as a snotnose child, was to bail the rain water from our boat during non usage times.. Didn't mind it a'tall... Was a decent trade off for the fun we had during the season..

Aside from my father singing Mac the Knife in the kitchen as he cooked – the next happiest I saw him was at the jerry-rigged controls of the old steel hull boat, pipe in mouth, shades on, shorts pulled up way too high... Pardon the pun, this floated his boat...

Your boat? What floats it? A friend.. baking.. breads more specifically.. attended a long training/educational/cooking session in GERMANY.. way cool.. God Bless that she got to do that.. floats her boat..

With the exception of mebbe athletics, and probably two specifically (baseball/basketball) I ain't real sure anything else on planet floats my boat. (Victor, you LIVE on the internet, the HELL you talking about.) Oh yeah, I do like the internet, sorry. I still play softball kinda- sorta (catch slowpitch every 3rd inning, bat 2 times a game.. pinch-runner on the rare case I somehow get on base.. HEY, I'm old!.. Basketball, signed up for our company's Corporate Challenge basketball team, challenge being the key word.

I love, respect, admire folks in their whatever “floats your boat” thingy.. motorcycles, fishing, hunting, Farmville, sewing, cooking, birds, the yard, helping people, going to bed late, getting up early, Vodka, beer, God, fashion, Sarah Jessica Parker (Sorry, I just threw that in, no particular reason), music, photography, yada yada yada your yada float your boat.

On second thought... women float my boat. I am so, so in love with, enamoured by, 'the female', it ain't funny. We, men, we 'spew'. Words roll from brain to tongue, out 'tween the lips in a millisecond. Many times haphazardly. Women on the other hand, it's like they'd stayed up the night before studying about it.. and the words roll so fluently outta their mouth... Harmoniously.. . really does float my boat.. verbiage with thought behind it..

Women are... much prettier to look at.. much more fun to look at... Much more (I can see his brain, and hell yes, we ALL know what he's thinking) “I have no idea whatinthehell she's thinking”...

We men fart, grunt, hike a leg, clear a room, ROAR, flex our buttocks so 'they'll' “enjoy” an extended 'passage'......... women... toot. And very unceremoniously..

Men. We have one track mind. Women. They juggle: how much gas is in car, exactly where the bank balance is now, what to get Aunt Freda for her BD next month, that I've properly recorded the movie coming in Disney tonight at 9p, are the frozen goodies for dinner tonight set out?.. on the backa the bank balance thingy is a list of goodies we needta grab from the store on the way home. We. We men. We have a one track mind. Sorry, but we don't thinka much in that all-thinking female drive.. and then, we stare at her derriere as she walks into the Piggly Wiggly to get the things on her list.

The other day.. I was out on break.. Myself and six women. (It's a rough job, but someone has to do it.).. Four of the six were talking simultaneously... not being a shop teacher, this enabled me to use all my pinkies to figure that out mathematically.. Only during odd years (this being 2011) am I a relative smartass.. As the four continued.. I said aloud “if there are 7 people, and 4 of them are talking, whointhehell is listening?”

Sorry... Women do float my boat. So much more nowadays than basketball, baseball...... Women rock.. but please don't let that go to your head. Love, Victurd

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