Hurt good…..

I’ve written about Deke before, but agin’, I’m old, so I’ll repeat. I’m old, so I’ll repeat.

Deke was a mechanic for an airline I worked for.. He worked on our ground equipment, and he was mebbe the most cantankerous human being I’ve ever known. I don’t believe he ever experienced compassion.

We would drive our ground equipment on three of the four wheels if we hadta, so as not to have to present the mechanic need to Deke, and be met with a stare, a glare, a snarl – all topped off by a deluge of profanities.

At day’s end.. Deke would walk to the 2’ by 3’ calendar on the wall… take out his magic marker and swipe a HUGE “X” over the day…. as if to say “Thank goodness that bastard is over.”

As a youth (or more youthful back then) my main thought/feel for this man was “I don’t like the guy.” As I’ve aged, thoughts have turned more toward “Darn I feel sorry for this man.. he’s never ‘hurt-good’, he’s only ‘hurt’..”

I am a very big believer in tears, crying, eyes-watering, welling up, passion, compassion, feel: hurt-good. My father, born in the era “men don’t show their emotions”, basically followed that mandate long into life.. then.. Parkinson’s set in.. and if there ever was any good about this evil bastard (The Parkinsons) it’s that it allowed my dad to cry, feel, exhibit hurt-good.

Call me a wimp, I don’t really care. Many, many things, events, acts, remembrances, rush me to that feel of not knowing how to exactly hide one’s own emotions. This morning, we at work emailed a buddy who’d served in Vietnam. I’ve had many discussions with this nice man on how horrible it must have been - yes, simply war itself – but even moreso to come home only to find a thankless nation.

We wrote very simply “we’re here to say thank you – it’s men/women
like you who have protected our country and ensured our continued freedom and we’re very appreciative of your service….”…

He wrote a one-liner back.. very modest, humble, nice man: “Thanks folks…time sure goes by but the memories of war are like yesterday.” Emotion caught up with me, my eyes started watering – and I had to go outside… we’re a changed society in regard to understanding that now it’s ok to show emotion.. but human nature tells one “hide it please”.. so I went outside and had a good ole cry. Hurt-good.

To have felt enough about something.. a loved one.. a friend.. witnessing the compassion of others.. sadness of a situation.. anything – that transcends into hurt-good, I’m appreciative. If one has not learned to feel, such as Deke per chance, how horrible would that be? Call me a wuss.. call me a baby.. you can even call me a girl, I don’t care. I cry. My lips quiver. My innards talk to me. Control turns to no control. I feel.

Sure hurt-good sometimes really does hurt, but I’m so, so glad to have felt strong enough about things, people, the past, the present to experience hurt-good. I hurt-good upon occasion – and even moreso the older I get. Hope you do too. Love, Victurd.