HOROSCOPE...... A day in your life, April... let's see... April 9, 2022...
ARIES (March 21-April 19) Share your plans with someone you love. Being in sync with someone you want to spend more time with will help you devise a plan that brings you more closer. 2 Stars. (S'more):
You know, like women. Women always share "I've gotta go pee." I'm not real sure why this is shared, but they must think it's important. Dependent on the time of day, you men, once the lady announces urination plans, state (share, stay in sync, get closer) "Honey could you bring me a beer on the way back?"
TAURUS (April 20 - May 20) Stay alert. It's easy to make a mistake when you let your emotions intervene. Sit tight, take care of odds and ends you left undone and prepare for what's to come. 4 stars. (S'more):
I really question why this is 4 stars. Stay alert, like maybe you're playing Monopoly. Don't let your emotions intervene to where you tip the damn board over, scattering hotels, motels, little cars and trains and of course the shoe and thimble. Since your Horoscope has bound you to the house, dust some, do the damn dishes, and take dinner outta the freezer to "prepare for what's to come." Have a nice day, don't pass Go, don't collect $200.
GEMINI (May 21 - June 20). Protect your assets,and don't let anyone talk you out of your hard earned cash. Stick to methods and people you know you can trust. 3 stars. (S'more):
Don't give the beggar at the intersection a dollar. Screw the extended car warranty. Do take the samples in the liquor department at the Piggly Wiggly, but remember, that stuff usually ain't on sale. Take a DD with you ("people you know and trust.") Hiccup.
CANCER (June 21- July 22) Don't share personal information. Use your talents and time by engaging in something creative or inspirational. Put your best foot forward, and embrace life and relationships with passion. 3 stars. (S'more)
Change all your usernames, passwords, store 'em in the folder "For when I die", they'll never look until then. We're quite aware you don't have a creative or inspirational bone in your body, but go ahead and figure out which of your feet is the best, and give it a whirl anyways pretty lady, big fella. Embrace your relationship with passion, ie, "OK honey" is the operative when he/she places a hand somewhere naughty.
LEO (July 23 - August 22) Set standards and execute your plans. Refuse to get tied up in someone's pursuit. Be diligent about finishing what you start and exercising your right to do what makes you happy. 3 stars. (S'more):
We're aware you have really low standards, so we're mildly shocked you don't want someone to tie you up. Of course finish what you start, do what makes you happy, BUT, be sure to express your thanks, after all, you were conceived on Thanksgiving day.
VIRGO (August 23 - Sept 22) Help and the rewards will be satisfying. Pursue something out of the ordinary, and it will change the way you live and do things moving forward. 4 stars. (S'more)
Like maybe cook that chicken where mom says "Shake and bake" and the revolting snotnose screeches "And I helped".... Of course, try something out of the ordinary, but remember, horoscopes are mostly BS to sell newspapers and do you really think THIS DAY will change your life?.. Maybe at least your spouse might be a Cancer from above so you can get laid anyways.
LIBRA (Sept 23 - Oct 22) Take it easy, go over the facts and consider the best way to move forward. Don't take someone's word as gospel. Protect your reputation. 2 stars. (S'more):
It's Saturday, of course you're gonna take it easy, you don't have to move forward until Monday. Don't take someone's word as gospel (like, maybe the horoscope writer.) Again, take it easy, don't tarnish your reputation any further.
SCORPIO (Oct 23 - Nov 21) Don't carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. Discard what isn't working for you, distance yourself from people who drag you down. 5 stars (S'more)
I hope Tiger Wood's caddie ain't a Scorpio, that's a heavy bag. Horoscope writer hungover. Distance yourself from people who drag you down is 5 stars? Use this horoscope as paper to light under the kindling when you start a fire today, screw him/her, the horoscope writer.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 - Dec 21) Dedication and loyalty reign supreme. Refuse to get caught up in someone's lies or give in to manipulation. Protect your assets. 3 stars. (S'more):
Kiss your mate, pet your dog, or, the other way around if you prefer. Go ahead and give into manipulation if it's in the form of a massage as your ass sets. It's OK to be spoiled for your entire life you've gotten Birthday presents wrapped in Christmas paper. To hell with 3 stars, make it a 5.
(Blog writer wish year only had ten months, this is getting harder and harder, kinda makes the admonishments make sense.)
CAPRICORN (Dec 22 - Jan 19) Listen, but don't retaliate. You have time to think and discover what it is you want before you indulge in someone's fantasy. 3 stars (S'more)
I digress. If you're gonna be on the receiving end of someone's fantasy, hell to the yeah it's gonna be a 5 star day. Go ahead and retaliate against the horoscope writer by cutting out this horoscope, placing it on your belly button, and cover it in chocolate. Fantasy that, not 3 stars.
AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18) Think about what you want to do next, and set your plan in motion. Changing how you earn your living will help put your mind at ease and give you hope. Put your heart and soul into your dreams. 3 stars.
But of course. It's Saturday. Redo your resume', put it on Indeed, and by Monday you'll have a job making $20K more than what you are. Set your booty back to the motion of going back to your job on Monday, continuing to contribute to your IRA. Rome wasn't built in a day, horoscope writer have too much vino.
FINALLY.........
PISCES (Feb 19 - March 20) Get out and participate in something that makes you want to make a lifestyle change. Making plans will give you something to look forward to. 5 stars. (S'more)
Pollyanna hasn't left the building. I mean, how can many of you PISCES have anything to look forward to when you have a Birthday only once every four years? I vote 'do anything you damn well please.' That's gotta put you closer to 5 stars than wishin' and hopin' and prayin' and thinkin'.
Blogger's finito note:
Do you believe in magic in a young girl's (or guy's) heart?
How the music can free her whenever it starts
And it's magic if the music is groovy
It makes you feel happy like an old-time movie
I'll tell you about the magic, and it'll free your soul
But it's like trying to tell a stranger 'bout a rock 'n' roll
But....... if it walks like a horoscoper and talks like a horoscoper it's prolly on quack.
NO ONE above had only 1 star. HELLO? Ever have a bad day? Ever eat a pine tree? FOUR, count 'em, FOUR outta twelve above had 5 stars. That's 33%. Pardon ma' French but were you aware only 4% of the population have amor daily?
Tune in tomorrow when one of you, maybe, will have a lifestyle change, make boo koo more bucks, be creative, in sync, discover your dreams, and......... be one of the 4%.
Thank your lucky stars if so......
By Henry Gibson Forward by Galileo, Galileo, Galileo, Galileo, Galileo, Figaro - manificoo
Love, with chocolate on top, Victurd
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