Every year, teams bound across the land from Arizona and Florida - fans everywhere think "This will be our year."
Everywhere but some places I guess... I've told this before - still love the story, sharing again, sorry. Kinda. Back when the Mets really really stunk. Opening Day. Right after the first pitch - fan in right field unfurls a banner "Wait until next year!"
In KC, our excitement oozes. Years of 100 loss seasons, sandwiched around two World Series trips - lends us a buncha high draft pics, expectations out the ying-yang (I've always wondered... just where is the ying-yang?)...
Anyways, here's your "you prolly ain't gonna read this in the KC Star" introduction of the Kansas City Royals, version 2022:
They call me 'Benny Biceps'. I'm from Ohio...and I guess I had a pretty good Senior year.. I batted .564 with 12 homers, 38 stolen bases and I was named the ABCA/Rawlings National High School player of the year - Oh, and I played a little hoop, averaging 25.5 points a game en route to Division III co-player of the year. Went to Arkansas. Arkansas Arkansas, I just love ole Arkansas. First round draft choice of the Red Sox. Now, I'm Missouri through and through, moved to St. Louie, huge St. Louis Blues fan. Go Royals! (Andrew Benintendi)
I took and use the "A" when listing my name, cause my dad's name is Anthony (mine too). They say I have good plate discipline, but that's prolly because of the discipline I got growing up - you see, we were a Military family, as in 22 years of it. I went to college at Westminster Academy (Fort Lauderdale, FL) where I was a shortstop. Hey, Mondi gets hurt, Lopez, Witt, I'm ready to step in! I played for the Nationals for five seasons, then they designated me for assignment. SO, I came here, to KC. Ha, howabout a Golden Glove last year! I am Michael A. Taylor. Go Royals.
Sweet Caroline(A).. Grew up in North Carolina. Went to college at South Carolina. I was OK I guess, batted .329, then .389., then .489, oh, and in my very last college game, I hit a walk off single in the 11th inning, propelling us, South Carolina, to THE National College World Series Championship! I'm living a dream, oh, and I guess my dad's dream too. You see, he played a little ball too.. In fact, in September of 1987 he was called up to the Majors for the Pittsburgh Pirates, but NEVER got to step on the field.. Dangit! So, a lotta games I get two hits, one for me, one for dad. That's why they call me "Two Hit Whit". I'm Whit Merrifield. Go Royals!~
You've got to change your evil ways, baby, and think of me, the baseball player, not that Oye Como Va guy. I'm from the Dominican where I am known as "Slamtana." I've got a pretty good eye (and bat) at the plate. Every year since 2011 (except for the Covid shortened year in 2020) I've hit 18 or more homers and been in the top four in the league in bases on balls. My mom and dad got divorced when I was 15. I've got four sisters, so I reckon I was the man of the house and a father figure to my sisters. I signed with the Dodgers in 2005 and first thing I did was bought my momma a house. Hi, I'm, not the singing Oye Como Va Santana, I'm the baseball Carlos Santana. Go Royals!
Played my high school ball in Naperville, Illinois.. .Went to Creighton for three years, then, the Royals drafted me in the 5th round in 2016. I FINALLY made it to the Bigs in 2020. I admittedly struggled at the plate, in fact I had the worst slugging percentage of all Major League hitters, BUT, I was nominated for a Gold Glove. In 2021, the Royals brought Jarrod Dyson back. I was wearing his old number 1, so, I switched to #8 so he could wear #1. That's what speed, and being a veteran do. I was smackin the ball in Spring Training last year. Things looked good, then, right before the season, they sent me to AAA Omaha. Dang the luck. BUT, Mondi got hurt, they called me back up, played Shortstop and darn if I didn't become the First Kansas City Royal shortstop to bat .300+! Oh, and I led all American League shortstops in fielding percentage at .987. Hi, I'm Nicky Lopez, Go Royals!
Don't you know that it, it hurts so bad....... I was born in LA where my dad Raul played for the Dodgers, but I grew up in the Dominican. I signed with KC in 2011, and, maybe ya missed it, but I became the first ever Major Leaguer to make a debut in the World Series, yep, me in 2015. I've had me some injury problems, but, 'we ready' now. I was Country (ie, 5 tool player) before Country (B. Witt Jr) was cool. Watch me now. I'm back at short. Got some wham with my bam. I know, I know, it's the Show Me State. Stick around and see. I'm the artist formally known as Prince. No, that ain't it, hang on. See, for the first few years I went by Raul, but, that name is mine but really belongs to my dad the Major Leaguer, SO now I go by my Middle name, Adalberto. Hi, I'm Raul Adalberto Mondesi. Go Royals!
I have no trouble Witt remembering how old I am, see, cause I was born in 2000. Makes it easy. I think there have been expectations of me for awhile now. In fact, they had me in a baseball 'onesie' outfit that year. My dad too, played in the Bigs, for like 16 seasons. Them eyeballs been on me awhile now, yeah, in part because of my dad's big league career. As a Junior in High School I batted .446 and, won the High School Home Run Derby contest at the National's field. I also played in the Under Armor All-American Baseball game at Wrigley Field. The ivy was kinda cool, in fact, i hit one over the ivy, so, they named me MVP of the whole thing, In 2019, I was THE #2 pick overall in the baseball draft. Not my words, but those of Dayton Moore - he says I'm a five tool player, but to top it off, again, his words, he says I'm an even better person. I like it here. I wanna stick around and have some parades. There's only one Whitt, he was here first, and he's established, but, I'm Bobby Witt Jr, nice to meetya. I'll be at third. Go Royals.
I'm back! First, let's get the names straight. Did you know my first name is Donald? Betya can't spell my middle name correctly the first time. (It's Zachary.) Oh boy, where to start. Well, I too was the National Gatorade Player of the year (2002) so, the Royals took me with the 6th overall pick in the draft that year. There were some admitted hitches in the getalong to my career. Depression. Anxiety. Hey, I'm not afraid to say it. i speak however I feel. Come 2009, I had it all under control baby - in fact, I won the Cy Young Award, right here in KC! I'd like to think I kinda sorta helped the Royals win the World Series, 'cause, they traded me to Milwaukee for Lorenzo Cain and Esky. They also got Jake Odorrizi in the trade, and he was in part of the trade to Tampa that brought James Shields and some guy named Wade Davis here. Hear of any of them? Oh, and the Brewers got Yuniesky, whoever he was. I've had 6 stops since I was last in KC, and along the way I've accumulated 6 All Star trips, 6 Gold Gloves, led the ML in ERA twice, oh, and I hit pretty well too, as I was named the Silver Slugger (twice) as the Best Hitting Pitcher. Tom Brady ain't got nuttin on me, you see, as I met my sweetie in High School, since, she's been a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader AND she was named Miss Daytona Beach USA! Come on Royals, let's go all the way. I'm Zack Greinke, glad to be back. Go Royals!
Hello my friend, let's have a Gatorade. I have four names. There will be a pop quiz at the end and I bet you can't name all four. I was born in Venezuela. My father left us when I was 4. I went with mom and we moved in with my granny. Mom supported us by making and selling homemade cakes, flan and lasagna. I loves me somea my mom's food! When I was a kid, I pitched and played short. I played with and against that short dude for the Astros, Altuve. Come 14, I wanted to play catcher, and nothing else. Most kids get their driver's license at age 16, I got my contract with the Royals when I was 16. Moved to Arizona. It was kinda scary, but I think my quick smile and good nature helped me along the way. You've seen me here for awhile now. If I ain't smackin' homers, throwing some guy out at second, dousing the player of the game with Gatorade, it's a safe bet I'm at Price Chopper making a commercial. OK, so I guess if I had to brag, 7 All Star trips, A World Series Championship (Oh, and I was the MVP), I've won 5 Gold Gloves, 4 Silver Slugger Awards, had me some Tommy John surgery, sat out 2019, was the Comeback Player of the year in 2020, and I lit it up in 2021, tying the team record in Homers with 48, not to mention that was THE MOST EVER by a 'primary' catcher. Not bad eh? I bet you didn't know, in 2014, Esky sprayed some Victoria's Secret cologne on me and said "You're gonna get 4 hits". So, I did. Wore that cologne a few more times! It's been 7 years, I'm ready for another parade. Hi, I'm Salvy. Or, for the pop quiz, Salvador Johan Perez Diaz. I ain't sure what the Royal's catch phrase is this year, I just wanna help all of our wonderful young arms and get us back to the Series so we can have another parade. Have a good day my friend. Go Royals.
I'll get outta here. Enjoy the season. I hate having to pay for Bally's TV, but... all in all it's worth it. Hope Springs Eternal, especially this year. We're at Witt's end (or is that Whitt's end) for another parade.
"If you're not in the parade, you watch the parade. That's life." Mike Ditka
Mayor Lucas, my friend. Hope Springs Eternal. Save us a spot for the parade this coming October.
By Henry Bob Josh Gibson Forward by Ken Burns, Ty Cobb and George Brett
Love, Victurd
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