A new leaf.......

I've decided... since I've been a true sophomore since 1967, it's time I grew up.

Boy are you gullible.

We Pavlov life away mundanely.

Facebook, for example. We do those post things where it will show what we look like at age 80... take those ten question quizzes, then lie about it "Aced it!"...

S'more FB goodies.. "How empathetic are you?"  We play with those cartoon caricatures of ourselves and concoct one that looks 20 years younger, 30 pounds lighter. (Catch me if you can!)

We find out how many of the damn 50 states you brag to have been to.  Exotics Isles, Cities, lands you've seen.

We, frankly, could care less how many on the list of 25 foods you've eaten.

Oh the games people play now... every night and every day now.  Patooey.

My relatives assuredly won't claim me, but, that's the great thing about being a relative, they ain't got no damn choice!

I'm calling BS.

I want real.

I delight, smile, immerse myself - in the disgusting.  Always have, always will. Sorry, not sorry.

Screw your IQ.  Sorry, but not really.  I no afraid of you when you research your name and it warns "Oh, but cross me just one time, and WATCH OUT."  (Yawn).

I lied.  I suck at gardening.  There ain't no new leaf.  I will die a sophomore. Proudly.

So............ I've concocted my own survey I'd love to see on Facebook some day.

Enjoy.  Liar.

HAVE YOU EVER?

1. Peed in the pool.
2. Wiped a boogie on the sidea the couch.
3. Clipped your toenails, saw them scattered on the floor and thought "Eh, I'll vacuum them later."
4. Gone the speed limit in the slow lane.  Been tailgated.  Slowed down to 5mph under the speed limit.
5. Flipped the undies you wore yesterday and put em back on.
6. Covered up a sneeze with your hands, then, once no one is no longer looking, wiped your hands down the side of your clothes.
7. Peed in the shower.
8. Used someone else's toothbrush and didn't tell them.
9. Dug food out of your teeth without washing your hands.
10. Used a finger to clear your ear, then, looked immediately after to ascertain the 'fruits' on the end of your finger.
11. Reused ear buds that have literally never been cleaned.
12. Wiped your eye gunk, then marveled at it.
13. Torched a fart.
14. Torched a fart and burnt your jeans.
15. Smelt your fingers after touching certain body parts.  (Liar)
16. Silent farted in a crowd then immediately asked "OK, who did it?"
17. Gone three or more days without showering.
18. You paid a clerk, they gave you too much money back and you walked away didn't you?
19. You keep a cup (the same one) in your car in case you have to pee... don't you?
20. Pulled over and peed in nature because you feared you couldn't make it to "Conoco Conoco I gotta go to Conoco."
21. Gone on a date and used breathmints insteada brushing your chops prior.
22. Used the same bath towel for any two consecutive months (without washing it.)
23. Grabbed the milk jug from the fridge, taken a big swig, put it back and never told anyone.
24. Lied when someone proudly asked you "How do I look?"
25. Sped up when merging because the asswipe behind you tried passing you on the right.
26. Sharted.                

Liar.

By Henry Gibson.     Composed by Neilson, Harris Poll, Fox News, Survey Junkie, and the old people that drink coffee and tell war stories in the Hy Vee every morning.

Love, Victurd